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So frightened of telling parents

198 replies

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 10:38

Hi I'm looking for some advise. I know it's pathetic but I'm petrified of telling my parents about my pregnancy as they are quite old fashioned. I feel I've let them down as I'm not married and don't currently live with my partner. I know it's pathetic I just don't know what to do or how to tell them :(

OP posts:
LeonoraFlorence · 27/06/2016 21:44

I promise you OP, you will feel so much better once you tell them, no matter what their reaction. Big deep breath, a 'we have some good news, we're having a baby' and it's done Flowers

YogaPants · 27/06/2016 21:44

If they are watching the match, it's definitely not as bad or shameful as the score now Wink.

Janeymoo50 · 28/06/2016 00:55

This is a wind up.

PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 00:59

You have built this up to something out of all proportion in your head.

Stop thinking about their reaction, don't second guess them.

Give them the news, then deal with their reaction.
Which will hopefully be delighted 'congratulations'.

Just do it already.

rainbowstardrops · 28/06/2016 09:34

I don't mean to sound unkind but this is just a bit ridiculous now! You're a grown woman ffs. Act like one

Haffdonga · 28/06/2016 13:05

So ... ?

needahugbug · 28/06/2016 13:23

I know I'll probably get slated but unless you are feeling like I am it's hard to describe. Anyway I haven't told them yet. I'm thinking about emailing my brother and letting him know and asking how he thinks mum and dad will be. If he doesn't think they will hit the roof then I think I will go to theirs and take my mum some flowers and give her the card. If however he thinks they may be upset I will write them a letter and post it to them explaining how badly I've got myself worked up and that I hope in time they will be happy.

OP posts:
Maybebabybee · 28/06/2016 13:56

Are you from a non uk culture ok?

I have a lot of British Asian friends (Indian mainly) and this attitude is quite common there.

Maybebabybee · 28/06/2016 13:56

Op, not OK!

Whisky2014 · 28/06/2016 13:59

I would play it on a positive note for them and say "you're going to be grandparents".

Geoff0409 · 28/06/2016 15:48

Hi needahug , I know how massive this is but I really think you are drastically over-analysing it. They are going to find out regardless, so please you really should tell them. Make sure they know they are the first to know and you were worried regards your Mum but you really want them to have something to look forward to. My Mum died in her 50's a couple of years ago but my absolute favourite memory of her is when I told her she was going to be a grandmother. I always made sure that I told her things first if I thought there was going to be any reaction at all. If your Mum and Dad are local go round there and tell them asap. Say you were going to wait until your DP was with you again but you have been desperate to tell them - it will make them feel that bit more special and I am really sure they'll be ok. I am also sure that they would not want you to get so worked up about it, and would be mortified if they thought that the thought of telling them was such emotional turmoil for you. Let us know how you get on.

CalmItKermitt · 28/06/2016 15:48

Thing is OP I think people are wondering what advice you were expecting, beyond what you've had.

Geoff0409 · 28/06/2016 15:50

On a plus note, when we were expecting our second child, I got my Mum and Dad a Grandparents' card and a framed picture of our first child that had a message on it that said they would be getting a little brother or sister with the month of when they were due (I think we did it on the photo machine in Boots). They loved it.

Hockeydude · 28/06/2016 15:54

Tell your mum, I'd think she would be really happy especially with her having cancer. My mum whilst having her cancer treatment found out SIL was pregnant. It's a bit of light.

Roomba · 28/06/2016 15:56

Actually, I can understand how you have ended up feeling like this, OP. When I became pregnant with my first DC I was in my thirties, settled in a long term relationship, had a good job, own home and hadn't even lived with my parents for 15 years. But the thing I was most nervous about was my parents' reaction, as I just knew they wouldn't be impressed. Not just because I wasn't married, but also I think they'd pinned a lot of hopes on my career for me, and my mum always said to me don't have kids (really). I was actually relieved that my grandparents were no longer with us as I knew they would have refused to speak to me again just for being an unmarried mother.

I didn't tell them until after my 12 week scan, when I phoned them. My mum said 'Oh dear', asked a few questions about dates and so on then got off the phone quickly. I was very upset but not surprised. She then rang me back half an hour later to say they were really pleased for me, it had just been a shock. And from that point on they were both great.

You may be surprised, OP. You can't really keep it hidden much longer anyway. Good luck!

PerspicaciaTick · 28/06/2016 16:10

OP, your hesitance makes me wonder a couple of things...

  1. Are you actually frightened of your parents physically? Because if you aren't atually scared for your safety, then you need to tell them sooner rather than later.
  2. You don't seem to be thrilled to be pregnant and you don't seem to be in a great realtionship (from what you have said about your partner). Could you be transfering your own doubts about your situation onto your parents? Do you feel that if they expressed concerns about your pregnancy or partner, you would find yourself agreeing with them?
Redken24 · 28/06/2016 17:18

it sounds like your the one thats unsure

needahugbug · 28/06/2016 17:32

Told them so it's all done now

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 17:36

Oh, well done!

What reaction did you get?
I hope it was far better than your feared and you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy Thanks

Whisky2014 · 28/06/2016 17:41

Well it doesn't seem like it was a good response..

needahugbug · 28/06/2016 17:42

No it wasn't a good response and that's only telling my mum. My dad is yet to come

OP posts:
TheRealAdaLovelace · 28/06/2016 17:45

what did she say needahugbug? if you do not mind me asking?

needahugbug · 28/06/2016 17:46

She just said "oh" and that's been it. She seems very upset. She said what does my partner thing about it

OP posts:
TheRealAdaLovelace · 28/06/2016 17:47

oh dear I am sorry. did you talk about telling your dad?

PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 17:50

Oh, I am sorry.

Remind yourself that their reaction is just that: their reaction.
It is up to them how they process the news.
And if they don't come round (my parents took a while too btw), then it is their loss.

IME, the vast majority of future grandparents do come to feel happy. And if they don't, that is their choice and their loss.

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