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So frightened of telling parents

198 replies

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 10:38

Hi I'm looking for some advise. I know it's pathetic but I'm petrified of telling my parents about my pregnancy as they are quite old fashioned. I feel I've let them down as I'm not married and don't currently live with my partner. I know it's pathetic I just don't know what to do or how to tell them :(

OP posts:
WeekendAway · 27/06/2016 13:03

oh gawd, sorry, obviously that should say DON'T approach it all sackcloth and ashes!

P1nkP0ppy · 27/06/2016 13:07

I feel for you op, I would have been just the same if it had been me.
I suspect (and sincerely hope) that after the initial shock they'll be pleased and supportive.
Good luck, and many congratulations 💐

themoomah · 27/06/2016 13:15

I felt the same way when I had to tell my parents - I was 25, had been with my then DP for less than 6 months and he was still married to someone else. I was petrified. Mum was tightlipped with disapproval and Dad wasn't best pleased. But then, after a very uncomfortable 10 minutes, Dad said, "Well the thing we need to remember is that we've got another grandchild on the way and that's lovely!" And then he opened a bottle of fizz for everyone (except me - I got some lemonade) and they proceeded to be delighted. I don't think it will be as bad as you think OP and the anticipation will turn out to have been far worse than the reality.

knowler · 27/06/2016 13:16

I'm sorry you are having this stress and worry to deal with but, and please do not take this the wrong way, I think you need to take a big breath and start acting like an adult in your own right rather than adopting the role of your parents' daughter. You're going to be a parent yourself soon and this may involve a pretty seismic shift in your way of seeing yourself.

On telling your parents, it may well be best just to get it over and done with. you'll have to tell them sometime and if your parents react badly, it will be their loss and, in my view, utterly ridiculous. Tell them, they may be ok with it, they may not. You will however know the position and be able to adapt accordingly.

Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/06/2016 13:17

Time to rip of the plaster. Do it quickly in one go. Go with your partner and tell them the good news face to face, make sure you put it across as good news.

If they get upset calmly tell them you are both very happy and it is good news and that you think you'd better let them have some time to let it sink in and leave them to it for a couple of days.

Good luck.

ALaughAMinute · 27/06/2016 13:22

Why don't you tell you're parents that you've got some good news to tell them?

You're expecting a baby and you're going to live with your boyfriend. All good news!

I was a similiar age to you and also unmarried when I was expecting my first child. I felt really uncomfortable telling my parents because they were also very old fashioned but they soon came round to the idea and when I had the baby they were delighted.

Be happy about it. You're 34 and you're expecting your first baby. Congratulations!

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 27/06/2016 13:22

Oh OP, come on Flowers. You're a grown adult woman of 34. I know our parents can make us feel like naughty, disappointing children even when we're 41, but you have done nothing wrong. What's the worst they can do?

Go on, bite the bullet and just do it. You're going to have a baby - it's lovely.

You might like this story. I friend of mine got pregnant at 24 and travelled 150 miles home to tell her parents. She was absolutely cacking herself, as her mother was strict and difficult. Her younger sister (let's call her Sarah) had recently had a tattoo. After shuffling her feet for a bit she burst out, "Mum, Dad: I'm pregnant. But Sarah's had a tattoo and that's much worse! " :o her parents were the most doting GPs in the world.

38cody · 27/06/2016 13:23

Tell them
I sure at 34 they know you might have had sex!

So long as you say it in a positive manner, full of confidence and optimism - whatever you do don't slink in there full of shame them as though it's an apology - that will put you on the back foot - if you seem apologetic it tells them you've done something wrong and they'll react accordingly. This is good news - tell them it's good news and be positive.
Just say it wasn't planned but you are delighted as at 34 you were thinking you might not get to be a mum. They may be shocked at first but when the baby arrives it will be such a lovely distraction from your mums troubles - it's all good - tell them.

38cody · 27/06/2016 13:28

Go and tell them the good news - be really positive, if you skulk in all apologetic it suggests that you've done something wrong and they'll respond accordingly - how delighted you are.
Just say it wasn't planned but you are delighted as at 34 you were thinking you might not get to be a mum. They may be shocked at first but when the baby arrives it will be such a lovely distraction from your mums troubles - it's all good - tell them.

38cody · 27/06/2016 13:31

Go in positive and tell them the good news. Don't be all apologetic as it will seem that you think you've done something wrong and they'll respond accordingly. Just say it wasn't planned but you are delighted as at 34 you were thinking you might not get to be a mum. They may be shocked at first but when the baby arrives it will be such a lovely distraction from your mums troubles - it's all good - tell them with a big smile and keep positive - the energy you give out will form their response.
Congratulations - enjoy your baby. x

38cody · 27/06/2016 13:32

Oops - had to retype 3 times due to glitch PC and now all 3 are there - sorry!!!

whataboutbob · 27/06/2016 13:40

I was pregnant for the 1st time at 35, unmarried but living with partner. Dad was scandalised (my mum had died 9 years previously, she wouldn't have been so bothered). I must stay I was quite hard nosed , take it or leave it style. There was nothing he could do anyway. He was v pleased when we eventually got married and seemed a lot more relaxed about meeting DS2 who was born after we got married. I must say that after the initial shock he never mentioned it again.

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 13:48

Thank you everyone for your responses. It's totally ruined my pregnancy so far this worry and upset 4 if not 5 time I've gone home to tell them and can't. And then if I don't tell them as soon as I get to their house then I beat myself up about it and feel bad. I've already been here since yesterday afternoon and now feel terrible telling them because it's like I'm not happy. Oh what a bloody mess :( it's really quite sad. I just hope my child never feels this way about speaking to me

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 27/06/2016 14:07

Just go and tell them -with a big smile on your face.(it's good news you are giving them)

Nothing could be worse than the way you are torturing yourself at the moment !!

trafalgargal · 27/06/2016 14:07

Do it right now as you are there

CalmItKermitt · 27/06/2016 14:07

Ooh congratulations!

Just Do It. Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.

And all that :-D

I wrote my parents a thank you card "Just to say thanks for being fabulous parents and I'm sure in May you'll be fabulous grandparents ;-) "

My mum was thrilled immediately.

Then beaming she passed the card to dad to read. He's got mild LDs. Not that quick on the uptake. He read it. Said "Oh". My mum said did you get what it said? He said "Oh. No..."

"You're going to be a grandad!"
"Oh. Am I? Ooh!"

Then he was thrilled too :-D

I'm sure they'll be fine OP.

BaboonBottom · 27/06/2016 14:09

Could you write them a letter as another poster has. You can say your concerns for telling them but that this is very much a wanted loved baby already.
That way you don't have to deal with an initial reaction.

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 14:10

I just feel bad as I should have told them as I soon as I got here but I didn't. Now I've been here a day I feel bad as they will think well why didn't she tell us straight away and why didn't she tell us when her partner was here yesterday

OP posts:
Dumdedumdedum · 27/06/2016 14:18

Congratulations! You do know you're overthinking this, don't you? Go on, give them the happy news whilst you're there this time - maybe you can say "I've been bursting to tell you this but wanted to wait till I was sure Mum was recovering well from her op! It's great news, you're going to have a grandchild in whenever"?

ErnesttheBavarian · 27/06/2016 14:21

stop feeling bad and just do it! You're a grown woman. You need to be quite tough sometimes as a mum, and make lots of important decisions. Time to get practising!

Deep breath - and do it.

Honestly, I agree with the others that say, given the health problems They'll/ she'll probably be delighted to have good news and something delightful to look forward to.

Solasum · 27/06/2016 14:27

If telling them in person is difficult, why not send them a copy of your scan by email, and say when the baby is due. Then something like 'DP and I are very excited. Call me when you are ready'. That puts the ball in their court.


Maybenot321 · 27/06/2016 14:28

What dumdedumdedum said to say.
Just get it over with , big deep breath xx

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 14:29

I agree with regards the health problems and that's why I wanted to wait until she was recovering as when she first came out of hospital she was very down and not eating and I thought to myself the last thing I want to do is give her something to stress or worry over. I just wish I'd done it yesterday when me and my partner got here. Now he's gone it just seems weird telling them on my own and so scary :( I'm pathetic is even making me doubt if I'm right to be a mum myself

OP posts:
BaboonBottom · 27/06/2016 14:32

Don't be silly! Of course your right to be a mum. I personally think it's better not to have your partner.
Big deep breath
"Mum, dad I've got some news for you, your going to be grandparent, me and X are having a baby"
Big smile and breath it's done

BaboonBottom · 27/06/2016 14:33

I mean I think it's better your partners not there when you tell them.

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