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So frightened of telling parents

198 replies

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 10:38

Hi I'm looking for some advise. I know it's pathetic but I'm petrified of telling my parents about my pregnancy as they are quite old fashioned. I feel I've let them down as I'm not married and don't currently live with my partner. I know it's pathetic I just don't know what to do or how to tell them :(

OP posts:
BaboonBottom · 28/06/2016 17:55

Well done!
Remember this really is a good thing, whatever they say!
Do you feel better?

needahugbug · 28/06/2016 18:00

They have said I've thrown my career away

OP posts:
TheRealAdaLovelace · 28/06/2016 18:07

you can go back to work in a very few years....

PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 18:07

And have you??

Do you agree??

This is YOUR life, YOUR career and YOUR pregnancy.
Don't continue to rely on their approval for everything you do - there misery lies.

BathshebaDarkstone · 28/06/2016 18:07

I'm sorry they've reacted negatively. Flowers

needahugbug · 28/06/2016 18:12

I'm so gutted :( I thought I was doing the right thing. But they said why didn't I wait until 40

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 28/06/2016 18:13

Well done, the worst is over.
TBH, although unpleasant, they haven't told you to never darken their there is hope that they will make the right choice when they get their heads around your news.

Scarydinosaurs · 28/06/2016 18:14

You have NOT thrown your career away. I'm really sad they aren't happy for you. This baby you are growing will never ever feel like you feel now, because you will have the emotional intelligence to give them unconditional love without judgement and fear.

Sending Flowers, Cake and Brew.

Please feel free to borrow my mum, she's awesome.

Scarydinosaurs · 28/06/2016 18:15

Why didn't you wait until you were 40?? Who the hell do they think they are??

  1. No doctor would recommend that

2. Not their choice
3. Just FUCK OFF.

I'm so sorry they're being like this.
PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 18:17

Wait til you were 40??

Do you actually need us to point out all the many ways in which that suggestion is ludicrous?

And I am saying that as somebody who had my last child at 44 Grin

PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 18:18

Oh, and of course you were doing the right thing by telling her.

And you were oh so lucky to conceive when you wanted to.
I really hope you can accept this as your mum's/parents dysfunctional problem and more forward to enjoy your pregnancy and love your child.

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 28/06/2016 18:19

Oh ffs they are being idiotic! Ridiculous. They do know you can go back to work after maternity leave yes??

And, What if you couldn't get pregnant by the time you were 40??? How are you supposed to feel then, never being a Mum?

Asshats. Be happy for your baby and at least you now know what NOT to say when your turn comes around with your dc having your Gdc

CPtart · 28/06/2016 18:24

You can go back to work in a very few months. I did. Many do. And why are they presuming you'll be the one putting your career on hold?
Have you questioned them on the ages they chose to have their children?Why should they question you on yours? You are a grown adult. Separate to them. Your own person. Your own choices. Unless they are bailing you out financially or with free regular childcare it really has nothing to do with them.
Having said that I hope they come round. And congratulations.

PiecesOfCake · 28/06/2016 18:26

I was 40 when I TTC no.2.

It didn't happen.

You have done the right thing Flowers.

Haffdonga · 28/06/2016 18:27

Well done!

Their 'old-fashioned' reaction was kind of what you expected I imagine so you have been bracing yourself to deal with it. Remember you're three months down the line in getting used to the idea. They're going through shock for the moment.

And remember, anything you say now is on behalf of your child. If they can't handle it then they are not the important ones and frankly don't matter.

ItsyBitsyBikini · 28/06/2016 18:34

Wait until you're 40?! Are they for real?! I feel for you OP but you do not need them to validate your life choices. You're 34 and that is old enough to do what you want with your life. Do they know you're moving in with your partner? Congratulations on your pregnancy. Try and enjoy the last 6 months it goes so quickly and I'm sure eventually your parents will get used to the idea.

needahugbug · 28/06/2016 18:37

Today really is one of the worst days of my life when it should have been the happiest. All I've ever wanted to do is make them proud and I've well and truly fucked that one up

OP posts:
TheRealAdaLovelace · 28/06/2016 18:38

needahugbug (((())))
this is your life and your baby, and you do not need them to validate you.

Goingtobeawesome · 28/06/2016 18:46

You're not the ones who has fucked up.
Try not to remind them of today when they are cooing over the baby

Haffdonga · 28/06/2016 18:47

What's more important? You and your baby or the outdated opinions of your parents?

PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 18:51

All I've ever wanted to do is make them proud

Not make your own happiness dependent on the approval of others.
You need to find a way to develop a level of healthy detachment from your parents' values.

You are 34.
You have a career.
You are in a relationship.
You are a grown adult but quite childlike in how you express your connection to your parents IME.
Detach a bit.
They will always be your parents and for them, you will always be their little girl, but you have to assert the adult that you now are.

PacificDogwod · 28/06/2016 18:51


Don't make your own happiness… etc etc pp

Sorry, epic grammar fail Blush

Haffdonga · 28/06/2016 18:56

I remember reading a thread on here about parents' reactions to being told they were going to be grandparents. Many , if not the majority, of parents didn't react with unalloyed joy and took a bit of time to respond positively.

My parents single word reaction was 'Oh!' and it took them 2 days to pull themselves together and send me a massive bunch of flowers. (Dh and I had been married for over three years at that point so it was hardly a great surprise).

You have not let them down though, have you? They have let you down a tad by tarnishing your moment, but they'll get over it.

And now, just enjoy the relief of them knowing. Thanks

BaboonBottom · 28/06/2016 18:59

Ridiculous thing to say, yes many women successfully conceive at 40. Many don't. So if its something you want, it is better done sooner, for your health and your babies. Also, i have a feeling they wouldn't have been happy if you had at 40 either.

I have no doubt you will make a wonderful mother, for a start you will know never to make your child feel the way you do right now.
Keep your chin up, give your tummy a little rub, thats a perfect, innocent life growing in there. Thats the important thing, not them, not their approval.

Hippee · 29/06/2016 06:38

You have not failed your parents - they have failed you. I know that you love them and want their approval and support - and they should be giving it, whatever their private feelings are. Don't let it taint your pregnancy and your relationship with your partner. The positive thing in this, is that they are giving you a prefect example of how not to bring up your own childen.

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