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So frightened of telling parents

198 replies

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 10:38

Hi I'm looking for some advise. I know it's pathetic but I'm petrified of telling my parents about my pregnancy as they are quite old fashioned. I feel I've let them down as I'm not married and don't currently live with my partner. I know it's pathetic I just don't know what to do or how to tell them :(

OP posts:
BaboonBottom · 27/06/2016 17:53

He's probably getting frustrated that you can't get excited, it's like your keeping a dirty secret. But it's genuinely something to get excited about.
I had similar arguments with mine as I was trying to pacify my parents whilst he wanted to celebrate.
Get it done, in your head your expecting the worse, if that will be it will. Waiting won't make it better

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 18:01

I can understand he's getting frustrated but surely he wouldn't want me being so upset. Surely he should want to just help me get it over and done with. What happened to for better for worse or have I just totally lost the plot now

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 27/06/2016 18:02

For better or for worse ?
So he has proposed ?

Goingtobeawesome · 27/06/2016 18:13

What has he done that isn't supportive?

You're making a drama out of a perfectly normal bit of news. He's right not to support that.

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 18:16

No he hasn't proposed

OP posts:
BaboonBottom · 27/06/2016 18:16

He did help, he came to see you with them.
I bet he doesn't want you upset. But the only person who can do this is you. And the only person upsetting you at the moment, is you.

Big deep breaths get it done, genuinely you'll feel better. They will be how they will be, nothing will change that. They might surprise you and if they don't, then your worst fears are confirmed and you deal with that.

buntingbingo · 27/06/2016 18:23

Congratulations! I'd go with "mum, dad, I have wonderful news,,,I'm so happy to tell you,,,you're going to be grandparents!!" Big smile.
If they sense you're unsure they may be negative but if you go in with massive positivity they will surely not want to upset you.

ErnesttheBavarian · 27/06/2016 18:24

I'm amazed he left without having insisted on telling them.

I know you're nervous but you are being ridiculous. You're a grown woman in her mid-thirties. They are probably wondering why you haven't had a kid yet. It cannot possibly be a total bolt from the blue .

ErnesttheBavarian · 27/06/2016 18:25

Tell me the number and I'll ring them for you.

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 18:31

Ha ha Ernest i wish someone would.

OP posts:
needahugbug · 27/06/2016 18:33

My partner already has 2 kids and so they probably don't expect him to have anymore

OP posts:
CinderellaFant · 27/06/2016 18:35

How far on are you? Sorry if I've missed it. Just tell them, it's not a dirty little secret! You are in a stable relationship, planning on moving in together and are a grown woman! If you can't face saying 'I'm pregnant!' Tell them that you and dp will be getting a house together soon, when they say 'oh really' (or whatever else they say) then say 'then we will have to get to work on a nursery for January (or whatever date)

BaboonBottom · 27/06/2016 18:54

I've just remembered before I knew I was pregnant I overheard my mum saying she never wanted to be a grand parent. That was a week before the morning sickness started and I tested.
Honestly your working yourself up before they've reacted. Tell them!

WeekendAway · 27/06/2016 19:06

Is this more about the fact that they dislike your partner than about the fact that you are pregnant? Do you think they don't trust him to stand by you long term? If he's already got two kids and an ex partner perhaps they don't think he is responsible or committed enough and wanted better for you?

If that's it, well it's too late to worry about that now so you'll just have to brazen it out and ask them to respect your choices. You are old enough to go it alone if you really have to.

If that's not it then I really don't know what you are still waiting for. Confused I bet your mum will be chuffed to bits.

WeekendAway · 27/06/2016 19:09

My best friends became GPs recently, in less than ideal circumstances. It rocked them at first and they were gutted for their DD more than anything else, they had hoped for the fairytale future for her with Mr Right and that definitely didn't happen. But once they got their heads around the shock and initial disappointment they were fully supportive and now it's the very best thing that ever happened to them and they couldn't be more besotted with their grandchild.

CotswoldStrife · 27/06/2016 19:10

Do you normally suffer from anxiety? If I was your partner I'd be a bit insulted that you were so intent on hiding it and him Have you told his parents?

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 20:13

It's got nothing to do with him and being embarrassed I could be having Brad pits baby and I would still feel the same. It's purely that we don't even live together so I think it'll be a big shock to them and also a yes maybe they will be worried if he will stand by me

OP posts:
dippypanda · 27/06/2016 20:26

Really you should just tell them, there has been plenty of good advice on here on how to approach it.

What is your relationship like with them? What makes you so 'frightened' to tell them?

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 20:32

I'm close to them in that I call them al the time and visit them quite often but I don't talk to them about boyfriends etc

OP posts:
SingingSands · 27/06/2016 20:33

If you're planning on keeping this baby, presumably they are going to find out?

Yes, you are building it up too much, have some respect for your parents and let them know they are going to be grandparents. Give them something to look forward to.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 27/06/2016 20:41

I het you OP.
I had a baby in my 30s with a dp I didn't live with and I was a bit nervous about telling them.

I just did it over the phone. Gives them a bit of time to process it without you there.

In fact I said
" Mum I have something to tell you...."
She said "you're pg"
I said you better prepare yourself
She said " twins is it?

So in the end I didn't have to tell her anythingGrin

In the end when their df turned out to be a monumental arse my df said "well at least you didn't marry him"

So....alls well that ends well.

Phone them up (once you aren't there would be a bit weird if you did it from upstairs) and say "mum, I have been waiting until you were better, and now I have some lovely news..."

You'll be alright. And whatever happens you'll be a mum yourself soon.

MunchCrunch01 · 27/06/2016 20:45

Yes look ok, your mum's been really sick, and now she has a new life and a snuggly baby to look forward to, gp'ng is the great end of the deal, cuddles, fun and no responsibility for the weight of turning out a decent human being.

LellyMcKelly · 27/06/2016 20:50

Congratulations on your pregnancy! My sister had to do the same, at the same age. My mum went off the deep end to begin with, but once the baby was born she became a doting grandmother and almost bankrupted herself in the kid's section at Debenham's. Bring your partner. They might find some reassurance in the fact that you present yourselves as a family and that he's there to support you. You never know though, they might well be thrilled, even if it takes a while for the shock to wear off. Remember, you're a grown up. You haven't done anything wrong, and it is a perfectly normal thing for a 34 year old woman to have a baby.

Haffdonga · 27/06/2016 20:52

OK OP. Are they watching the match? It's half time. Before the second half starts just turn down the sound and say ...

Mum and Dad, I've got some very big news to tell you. DP and I are having a baby.

Then wait for the reaction. Good, bad or indifferent, nothing can be worse than not telling them.


Haffdonga · 27/06/2016 20:52

Go on.

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