the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

Morning girls xx

Morning xx

Shabs I am so pleased that your boy is ok but so sad that you all had to have such a rough day .

Shelley I hope you got through yesterday ok , my thoughts were here but I have got a sickly spud at home so wasn't around .

My youngest is sick , been up in the night being sick and he has got a high temp . Just normal child hood stuff I think but nothing is ever "normal" in this house when one of my boys is ill .

I am soooooo tired .

Big hugs and love to all xx

Aww, TW, hugs right back at you, my lovely. Hope you manage to have a fairly restful day and that your little 'un feels better really soon.

Morning folks x

Can one of you lovely ladies please put our list of birthdays and remember days on for me? Im still not able to 'drive' this Mac PC not that Im thick or anything you understand Ta very much xxx

There is one on the first page, Shabbs, but here's another, just for you...

JANUARY

18th January 1998 Sydney's birthday (NinaJane)
20th Jan,1992 Billie's birthday (Chegirl)
28th January 1998 Sydney's remember day (NinaJane)
30th January 1998 Sydney's funeral (NinaJane)

FEBRUARY

28th Feb,2008 Lucia's birthday (Crumpette)

MARCH
4th March 2007 Gregor's birthday (PPM)
11th March 2008, Eris's Birthday & Remember Day (FeedMeNow)
15th March 2009 Gregor's remember day (PPM)
26th March 2008, Noah's Birthday (TheLighthouseKeeper)

APRIL

3rd April,2007 Benjamin's remember day (Charleymouse)
10th April 2002 Georgie's remember day (AtACompleteLoss)
12th April,2009 Lucia's remember day (Crumpette)
13th April, 2005 Fraser's remember day (FMummy)
15th April, 2005 Fraser's birthday (FMummy)
23rd Apirl, 2002 Georgie's funeral (AtACompleteLoss)
27th April, 2006 Billie's remember day (chegirl)

MAY

10th May,1992 Matt's remember day (Shabbs)
24th May,1993 Christina's birthday (B.Butterfly)

JUNE

04th June 2008, Noah's Remember Day (TheLighthouseKeeper)
25th June,1993 Christina's remember day (B.Butterly)
28th June 1987 Matt's birthday (shelleylou)
30th June, 2009 Niamh's birthday and remember day (Woolly Jo)
30th June, 1984 Matt's birthday (Shabbs)

JULY

13th July - Callum's remember day (LittleMissPMeno)
21st July, 1982 Gareth's remember day (Shabbs)
23rd July,2009 Nimah's funeral (Woolly Jo)
29th July, 2008 Caitlin's birthday (Olissa)
30th July. Cole's birthday (Liketomoveit)

AUGUST

3rd August, 2008 Caitlin's remember day (Olissa)
5th August,2009 Felix's birthday and remember day (Tinkerbelle)
8th August - Callum's funeral (LittleMissPMeno)
28th August 2009 - Daisy's brithday and remember day (LunaticFringe)

SEPTEMBER

9th September Ciaran's birthday and remember day (Deemented)
11th September 2009 Daisy's funeral (LunaticFringe)
18th September,2006 Jayden's birthday (Hazygirl)

OCTOBER

1st October - Ciaran's funeral (Deemented)
7th October,2000 Harry's birthday (TWilbury)
19th October 2009 Matt's Remember day (shelleylou)
28th October 2009, Archie's birthday (AbiAbi)

NOVEMBER

6th November 2008 - Oliver's Remember Day (Everlong)
7th November - Cole's remember day (ILiketomoveit)
20th November 1987 - Oliver's Birthday (Everlong)

DECEMBER

1st December,2006 Jayden's remember day (Hazygirl)
2nd December,2001 Harry's remember day (TWilbury)
18th December,2006 Jayden's funeral (Hazygirl)
22nd December,1994 Jack's birthday and remember day (Lottie), Archie's remember day (AbiAbi)
28th December,1981 Gareth's (and Danny's) birthday
31st December 2001 Georgie's birthday (AtACompleteLoss

Ta love - I just stare at the screen knowing I have to press control and click on summat else....'if I only had a brain!!'

Thanks for the support yesterday i appreciate it. I finally realised that im really not coping and need help. My mum told me i did too so tink that helped me realise. Shes told me no more JD unless on special occasions...I have it 19th of every month i just cant let go. Got to take ds school then going stright to doctors....Hope they do something for me.

Hope everyone is ok

Awww Shelley I know that awful feeling of realisation that you need some 'outside' help - well done you for acting on it. It certainly cant do any harm talking to your GP - I dont think there will be one of us on our thread that hasn't felt that way.....we think we can 'do it'....sometimes we can for a while....then it all washes over us again...sometimes you need a medical professional to re-assure you that how you are feeling is 'normal' for a bereaved person. Good luck I hope they help you xxxx

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Morning all x

Sassy - The rawness of what you're feeling right now is absolutely shit. Every one of us wishes we could help take away the pain you feel right now but sadly words won't do that. Hugs help so here's a HUGE one xx you know we are here for you xx

Shelley - Good luck with the docs. I have drowned my sorrows at a variety of times since last march but there comes a time where that just doesn't help any more and or it does more harm than good. xx

X-posts Sassy. [note to your DH: nice thought but read the back of the bloody books first before purchase!!] Reminds me of the first night out DH and I had at the cinema for ages - both got really different tastes in films so thought i'd choose something he'd have liked - ended up being about a mother who'd killed her two kids and the dad had ended up losing the plot.... we nearly got up and walked out the cinema!

You know there are many of us here who are walking around and are further down this crappy track who have not resorted to suicide but in my experience having a surviving child doesn't lessen the grief you feel for the one you have lost it just gives you different stuff you're supposed to get done in a day I suppose.

Just want to give you a hug and hold you tight as right now that's the only thing i can think of that will 'help'

Sassy , it really is shit isn't it ?
I used to read books like that and get so angry , it was like I was being told that I obviously didn't love Harry enough or else I would have killed myself . I now know that is mad thing to think but at the time it seemed so real . The truth is we just have to keep going for ourselves and our loved ones so we do .
I wish there was something I could say or do to help you but please just know you are not alone with this xx

I could also never bring myself to say goodbye to Harry or"let him go" whatever the buggery that means . I decided he was coming along with me and would be with me for the rest of my life . I do know that is kind of bollocks but it helped me . I chat to him sometimes , he is always talked about and thought about . It is never going to be enough but for me it was better than saying goodbye .

Sorry if this is coming across as one big waffle but I am tired and feeling bleurgh .

Sassy I also dont know how to help....so many miles separate us - please accept this bear hug from me...come on lean in . I never contemplated taking my own life but I seriously wanted to run away - ON MY OWN - I felt it was totally overwhelming. I talk to my sons on an hourly basis and always ask for their help when things go wrong.

It is so hard, so overwhelming, so sad, so everything!

Keep posting and I know we will all support you xxxx

Hi Sassy. Gah at the books. It's treacherous ground this reading thing. Or watching movies for that matter.

Some very close friends lent us In Bruges a while back saying we'd love the humour in it. They somehow overlooked that the whole thing hinged on the killing of a small child. Duh! We got 20 mins in then abandoned it.

The suicide thing is a lazy stereotype, not based in fact. As you say, a failure of imagination.

My bereavement counsellor explained it to me well at one point early on - she said that what I wanted was to not have to be here to live through this, which is quite distinct from actively wanting to die. She also told me in some detail about a woman who was many years on from her loss and who led a rich and fulfilling life. It gave me hope that in time I too would find my way back to a rich and fulfilling life.

You don't have to come up with some way to make the days less shitty. It will happen all by itself with time and living on. Just stay, survive. "The ties that bind us to life are much stronger than we realise" - can't remember where I read that but I like it.

Oh Sassy - i totally get where you are. When Ciaran died i drove to a local beauty spot and just sat in the car, right on top of the cliff, staring at the sea. I just wanted to die. I didn't care anymore - how could i live when my bay couldn't? I took the handbrake off the car and started to roll forward. I just wanted it to be over. It was only the kerb in front of me that stopped me going over the cliff that day. There are still days even now, almost six years on that i wish it hadn't.

huge huge hugs to you sweetheart.

Sorry I have no other contact details for the OP - dont think she is on Facebook. xxx

I also don't have any details for her but I really really hope she is safe xx

Just thought i'd let you know the octors went alright I'm being referred for councilling and been put on AD's my score was quite high but that doesnt surprise me.

Please be careful not to out the person whose relationship problems are being discussed.
She thinks her P might be reading all her posts.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt - I have reported your post as I was hoping not to make too obvious a link between the threads/posts IYSWIM.

I feel certain that if any of the mums on our 'safe haven' thread had any information or new anything more they would let you know. We come to our special thread for understanding from other people in the 'same boat.' I really dont think it was necessary for you to post on here anyway - we all knew 'what was what' and who it was the minute we read the OP's thread.

We are a tight knit little group and if any of us are contacted I feel sure we would all pass on any new important information.