the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

caz. Yes, we have talked but recently he just seems to have clammed up. He has said he has to be strong for me but I
Worry about him too. I know I lash out at him out if anger and probably because he's the only person I can do this to I'm just scared I'll push him away. He has a son from a previous relationship and I wonder if he feels guilty that he already has a child.

Tangle thank you for your kind words, I wish I could offer you some words of comfort but there is nothing I can say that you haven't heard already. I don't know whether it gets better or easier. I guess it must but at the moment it seems unlikely, I feel like a huge gap is inside of me, I guess all of us on here feel that way.

Shabs. I think you are so brave, and you really give me hope and inspiration. You have been so kind and comforting to me, your family are very lucky to have such a wonderful mother and grandmother. Big hugs x

Thank you Min - very kind words.

Even in the darkest hours I was determined that we would get 'through' everything - wasn't sure how I was going to do it but so very determined that I would 'get there' so I didn't let Gareth and Matt down xxxx

Morning girls xx

Goodmorning girls........reading some of your posts makes me feel so proud of my dearest mate Shabs, she gives so much of her time and wise words to us all, imagine this thread without her? We all know like us she would rather not belong to this "club" but here we all are, we cannot change things, only learn, accept and go on, its not fair, but then no one ever said it would be. I know we all want to turn back the clock, have our precious child back with us, but as my Thomas said the other day,
"I suppose if Matthew hadnt died we wouldnt be here"
True.............but how could I imagine life without them? Yet my life is without Matthew..........till we meet again,one day. Love to you all xx

ps DH out of hospital after another scare last week......I shall be white soon!

thanks Trips

xxxxx

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Hello Ladies,

I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Freya last Monday.... I still cant believe it.... I feel so empty and miss her so much.
Please tell me it gets easier as at the moment everyday seems to get worse and worse.

Thank you to Lunatic Fringe and CazEM for directing me to this thread xxx

Welcome to our thread Breakdancing....so very sad to hear about Freya (beautiful name, by the way.)

I bet you feel like you are 'swimming in treacle' at the moment - its an awful place to be - really, truly awful.

Yes it does improve - but be kind to yourself sweetheart - at the moment it is such very early days.

Keep posting or just reading, if thats easier....smashing bunch of friends on here - we all prop each other up and help each other...xxxxxx

Hi BDB. Welcome to this thread, the ladies here will look after you and offer you comfort. My son Malachy' died on the 12th June at 30 weeks. If you look back on the thread you'll be ableto see tvewhole story. I can't really tell you it gets better as it's still early days for me, however I have done some normal things, such as I went to a wedding at the weekend and had a nice time. However, it still hasn't completely sunk in, part of me thinks one morning I'll week up and I'll still be pregnant. Anyway, just to say hi and hopefully we will be able to help each other.

Hello to all you lovely ladies, hoping those if you who were having a bad day yesterday Are feeling a little bit better today xxx

Hello BDB and so sorry to hear about your little Freya.

It will get easier, though it takes an awfully long time before there are any glimpses of that.

My 4 year old dd died almost two years ago. We grieve for her each day and live on.

Be kind to yourself and don't try to do too much. xxx

Heya BDB sorry to hear about Freya, gorgeous name welcome. Not sure i can find the words for anyone at the moment but i am thinking of you all.
I think im going to rattle soon been taking ibuprofen as often as possible over the weekend. Left my night out early as i was in pain. Been back to doctors this morning and he thinks i may have an infection following the MC. Just taken one of my AB's and feel really weird lol so i've said goodbye to alcohol for the week im not allowd to drink on them as they're really strong. Will come back when im making a bit more sense. Love to you all xxx

Morning ladies...

I'm glad you found your way here BDB - like I said on your other thread our little Anabelle (Belle) was born sleeping on 21st June, I was 32 weeks. Like Mini it is too early for me to tell you things will get better, but there are some lovely ladies here who are so supportive and show us there is hope for the future.

I've woken up with a stinking headache today. Hope everyone else is well. x x x

What a brave and thougthful neighbour. Someone from down the end of the street knocked on the door a little while ago to pass on information about SANDS. She went through it herself a couple of years ago. My DH spoke to her, I'm still not brave enough to answer the door but I wish I had now. She went away visiablly upset. (Not because my DH had upset her - lol just realised how that sounded!) That must've taken a lot to knock our door. I think I will go down and thank her for thinking of us later.

How this highlights again how often this happens and how awful it is. 2 people with angel babies in one street.

She has recently had a baby boy - 4 days after Belle died, and she is now the first person in a month I'm genuinley happy for. There is hope after this, and I feel like today might actually be a positive day. I hope my neighbour won't mind me talking to her, but to have someone so close who understands even without talking to her has given me a little comfort today.

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Who organised the walk Sassy - it sounds quite a peaceful idea. Though its been raining all day here so I hope you didn't get too wet where you are.

I find myself looking at all the headstones in the cemetery now and easily picking out the children and young people. Its so sad. I've found 5 other babies born asleep in the same cemetery where Belle is, and I'm sure there are probably more little angels up there because its not like I've walked around the entire place. One little boy is buried the row behind my Grandad - I've visited my Grandad many times without ever noticing before, and I don't know how I missed it, its covered in teddy bears and balloons. But now it means something to me, because now I've lost a baby too and took the time to notice. I share their pain in seeing another baby grave.

I went to see the neighbour and thanked her. I think we will meet for a proper chat at some point. She was really genuinley upset for us, even cried with me. I have spoken to her a few times in the 3 years we've lived here but I'm sad again that it takes something so awful in common to have a proper conversation with someone. But it will be lovely for us both to be able to talk about your angel babies in real life without it making the other person uncomfortable. Real life is so isolating at the moment.

Got cabin fever this afternoon but don't really want to go out in this weather.

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Hi ladies, we're off to lake Garda tomorrow, can't say I'm looking forward to it as we shouldn't have been going away I should be preparing for the birth of my baby. Went to the cemetery to say goodbye to malachy as we'll be away for a week, i put a little plastic windmill there and bought one the same for our garden.

Anyway, not sure whether I'll be posting over the holiday, depends on Internet access etc but I'll be thinking of you all ( tbh I doubt I can go for that long without talking to you all) xxx

I hope you have as good a time as possible Mini - it will feel good, I think, to have the sunshine on your back. Malachy will be with you, of that I am 100% sure. Each year we go to our beloved Rhodes and each year I get sign after sign that Gareth and Matt are with us.

I dont usually miss a day of popping on here from Greece I make this excuse to everybody that its too hot to sunbathe and Im just going into the bar for a soft drink - and then Im straight onto the PC!!

Caz Im so glad that your neighbour had the courage to come to you....Im sure you will be able to help each other. At least you know she will listen and that you will listen to her story - and, how wonderful, to both be able to cry without embarresment.

xxxxx

Mini - I hope you manage to have a peaceful time if nothing else in Lake Garda.

Cabin fever has continued but the weather is still terrible and I'm now on my 3rd glass of wine so I'm stuck in. Just feel really claustraphobic for some reason today.

Caz it has poured down, all day, in Lancashire!!! There is a grey lid on the world here!!!! xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Thinking of you and your gorgeous Gareth today Shabs , a candle will be lit here in sunny sussex xx

How you doing ?

Thank you love.

Im OK - not amazing but OK

These days are always pretty shite how ever long it's been eh ?

Be nice to you today xxxx