the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

Caz we met our Newport friends on holiday in Majorca about 20 years ago. Fantastic wonderful family. We used to travel up and down to each others houses - especially at Easter, Christmas etc. They were just the best friends.

A few years ago my friends daughter rang me at home. I thought it was Linda, my friend. It was her daughter and she told me that her Mum had passed away - I didnt even know she was poorly.....she was only in her early 40's. The dreaded cancer! She told her daughter that she had not got to tell me about her illness....stubborn git..I wish she had told me. I could have made the usual journey to see her,....I could have told her how she was an amazing friend and how much I loved her

We travelled (on the train) from Bolton to Newport and back again all in the same day for her funeral. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. She had the most amazing 'wake' I remember clearly not being able to move for the next few days....we were both as stiff as boards from the return train journey.

Miss you Linda......thank you for being just the greatest friend a woman could ever wish for. She always used to say that my Matt would be 'swinging his pants' in heaven (from Peter and Simon on the old Saturday morning kids show) - well I hope my friend is swinging her pants with my Matt and Gareth xxxxxx

They lived on Fosse Road in Newport Caz - dont know if you know where that is?

I didn't know Shab - but I've just had a look on Google maps and I do now! Lovely little retail park not far from there that I visit quite often! I'm glad you had such good friends in Newport, she sounds like a lovely woman with whom you had a great relationship.

At the graveside at Belle's funeral we had a poem read out. The final verse said:

We close our eyes to say good bye
And watch her fly away to you
Please keep her Lord, and love her 'till
We get our wings and join you too.

So heres to being reunited with the people we love when we get our wings.

Oh and Shab - I'm sure your friend knew how much you loved her...

LOL my friend worked at the Tesco on that retail park!!!

We just gelled - IYKWIM - we met on the first day of the holiday and her two children and my two got on soooo well. I miss her. xxx

Whenever I hear the song 'Looking for Linda' by Hue and Cry I always think about her....we used to sing that to her

Night girls. xxxxx

Morning girls xx

morning girls, xxxx

Morning all x

I Like I hope you are feeling a bit better today x

Shabs I flicked over to that programme last night and chickened out of watching it .

How we all doing this morning ?

Morning all. Nine years today since Frank died. Last year i was in London for the day with a friend. We went into St Martin in the Fields Church. Franks nickname in the army was Jeremiah. When we looked at the bible in the church it was open at the book of Jeremiah..............

Thinking of you today, Lottie x

thinking of you today,lottiexxxxxxxxxxx

Thinking about you and Wilf xxxxx

thinking of you Lottie.

Sending you a squeeze Lottie.

Am sitting here in bits reading about the memorials and such. Thought I was hardened to this thread!

We have yet to make a move on dd's grave marker. She is in a cemetery very close to our house, in a beautiful spot under a tree. The grave next to her is also a child and they're both well covered with all sorts of lovely things. We have a water-tight box there where precious things get left, and cards etc. Dh and I have agreed we're in no hurry and even my mum has stopped asking when we're going to sort it.

We did get as far as buying two books from "Memorials by Artists", one of which is especially about children's memorials. They are inspiring and beautiful. Eventually we will figure out what we want and commission a sculptor to make it.

The words - who knows! I saw a pic of one which had on the back "dance, play, blow bubbles for me". We both liked that a lot. Also, something that makes you want to touch it and be close.

My boys are both buried in the same grave. Next plot to my Grandma and Grandad. They have a headstone which gives their details and the words 'Only a whisper away.' I very rarely go - in fact I cant remember the last time I went its not that far from our house but I cant go. My parents go regularly.

Cant even explain to myself why I dont want to go - just one of those weird things.

Message deleted

Sassy I know it's been said before, but what would they know about getting a grave marker for your preschooler?!!! Am swearing good and proper at them on your behalf right now.

We do a fair bit of bubble blowing at dd's grave. I find it very soothing and it gives me a focus. I also like that the bubble drift away into gardens where her little buddies are playing still. We tried leaving bubble kit up there in a box but it just turned into slime hell!

The little girl next to dd also has no "proper" marker. She has a little ceramic creature with her name and dob on it though, which is more than we have managed!

Go blow some bubbles Sass. It's cathartic, so long as the wind isn't blowing them back into your face and making you foam at the mouth.

HI everyone

Hope you're all well, especially Lottie today, xxx

Hello ladies
Lottie thinking of you today x
sassy. Hope you are feeling a little bit better
caz went to the Sands meeting last night, we found it useful to meet other couples who have been through the same thing. It was a bit like this thread, not something you want to have in common with others but comforting at the same time. We won't be able to go to next month's meeting as we are in Ireland visiting DH parents but we will go again.

I'm off to the cemetery to see malachy now. It's a beautiful day, I just wish I could spend it with my baby in a better way

Hi all,

I think I'm glad I didn't catch that programme, Shabs. Just after Grace died they were showing that series One Born Every Minute. I recorded it all, thinking it might be cathartic one day (or that it would remind me that most babies don't die) but I'm not sure I'll ever manage to watch them.

AbiAbi - you're right. It's shit. Totally. I'm sick and tired of trying to paint a normal face on any time I see anyone I know - not just because I don't want to upset them but because I don't know how else to get through the day. I don't know about you but I'm finding it harder now than I was a little while back. For me its not that everyone thinks I should be fine - I think its more that I feel I should be doing better than I am. Poor DD1

Am I just weird for finding it almost comforting being able to discuss how and why we chose to say goodbye to our lost little ones? That we've all managed to find things that are often so different but mean so much? We're in the process of buying the plots next to Grace. I'm not sure DH doesn't think its a bit weird, but right now it helps me to think that we can be with her at some point. We're not getting very far with a memorial either, although the the "Memorials by Artists" might give us somewhere to start. Trouble is whenever I see anything vaguely appropriate I burst into tears. I wonder where "choosing your childs memorial" come on the list of 101 Fun Things To Do after they die?

Sorry - I'm not really doing cheerful at the moment. I wasn't so bad a few weeks back but right now I just seem to be in a pit. Do you think I can blame it on the MC?

I've been thinking of you and yours, Lottie. And hoping you find some peace today, shelley

'One born every minute'????? Oh Tangle I watched that from the kitchen....bearing in mind there is a very solid wall in between the kitchen and the living room LOL....it was an amazing series but I spent most of my time watching it having panic attacks and running about like a headless chicken!!!!!

I remember watching an episode of ER on tv not long after my twins were born. They had a woman on with pre-eclampsia (like I had) and it was totally horrific........how weird and how amazing that I survived that kind of delivery...and, more to the point, that my twin boys did.

I think that the human body is a very strong thing - only outdone by the strongest thing in the human body - the mind and brain!

I am feeling very sorry for myself as well tonight. Feel really down and totally pissed off.

See you in the morning girls xxx

hope your ok shabs!!! and everyone else fo course! xx

Hiya Shelley - Im ok love - just a miserable, menopausal owd bag to be honest LOL!!

How are you doing? xxx

I found myself lying to my db earlier when he asked if i was ok or my food was too hot/ drank too much. I hate it kind of wish someone in my family would ask me wahts wrong would make it easier to tell them. Off to a family party tomorrow and no doubt i'll girt my teeth and fib my way through it

Sometimes we 'have to do what we have to do' my love....holding you close xxx

Your not an old bag at all!!! i love taking to you, you usually make me laugh and smile however im feeling so you can't be miserable.

I hate lying to people especially my family but its easier than telling him the truth especially when my mum doesnt know and im closer to her. Not sure if that makes sense