the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

Thanks LF, and for your experience Tangle. I'm hoping ds isnt surposed to be an only child but if he is i've done well as i werent surposed to have him.

I like your way of thinking. xxxxxxx

With all these negative things going on I've had to find the positive where i can. Could be fun breaking the news to him that hes not going to be having any brothers or sisters never mind four. He decided DH and I are having 4 children lol

Sending big hugs Shelleys way

Im a firm believer in 'Ce Sera Sera' - whatever will be will be. xxxxxxxxxxxxx Night girls xxx

Morning!! There's me fast asleep - Tom came in our room and woke me up to tell me he has had a really bad nightmare. Told him to go and get back in bed and he did but I knew he was crying.

Up I get, go into his room, told him to put his TV on quietly - just spent the last ten minutes hunting for the remote!! Now he is very quiet and no doubt has gone back to sleep......I, on the other hand, am wide awake!!!

Morning all.
Thats known as Law of Sod shabs hope you managed to rest even if you couldn't get back to sleep.
Got an appointment at doctors saturday morning.

No rest for the wicked Shelley - Will be picking Lew up at half 11!!!!

Glad you have got an appointment darling xxx

This is true. I must have been awful in a previous life.

I dont want to wait that long. I want and need to know for sure whats happening. Might phone NHS direct

That sounds like a good idea - give them a ring love xxx

I have done should ring me back in about 45 minutes. So might have to ask mum to collect ds from preschool and look after him.

Oh shelly its so hard. I don't want to put a downer on you, but I also don't want to see you get your hopes up . Our EPU wouldn't see me till I got to 7 weeks - there perspective was that until that point they couldn't see reliably what was going on anyway and so a scan before that point was likely to be inconclusive, causing more worry. They told me to try not to worry (as if!) but get in contact if anything changed - and especially if I had shoulder tip pain, a smelly discharge, bad pains that didn't go away and/or started bleeding enough to soak a towel every hour for 4 hours or more. With my first 2 MCs I talked to a MW friend but didn't go to my GP at all - they both just got on with it and by the time I'd finished bleeding and cramping I got a -ve test so I left it at that. This one got me thoroughly stressed, I think because it went on so long, so I took it further. If you feel you need to see someone then do - but if you can't then try not to worry about that as well as everything else.

Please don't blame yourself - as a good friend said to me after Grace "bad things happen for no reason". That said, I'm not too good at believing it all the time...

Thanks Tangle. I know epu dont do self referall so i cant go there anyway. Doctors cant get me in till saturday grr so thought i'd phone NHS direct to see what they say. I've had enough of the pains. Getting backache and pains in my hips too especially when i lie down. I don't suffer this much with my endometriosis.
I should have realised i was late sooner than i did and went doctors on saturday when i started bleeding instead of going work.

Will sort some change out to get the bus to pick ds up no way i can walk there and back.. arg got to go shopping for the ingredients for DH's birthday meal too. Will get it after collecting ds as ill be near town as I wont have time to before collecting him as i'm still waiting for NHS to phone back

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Hi Tangle, I'm new to this thread too, I just want to say how comforting this thread us and having a place to share has been helpful. It's pretty much 4 weeks to the hour since I found out my DS had died so it's still very early days for me and I don't think it's quite sank in. I'm dreading the due date (august 17th) and how I'll cope with it.

Shelley, hope you are ok , I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks last year, I started bleeding in the wednesday went to gp who contacted hospital who couldn't see me tip following Tuesday, by then it was too late. Sending you much love x

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sassy We decided to have Richard cremated mainly because we thought that it would be better for his children, we felt that a burial service would have been more traumatic for them. We are having a memorial plaque where we rested his ashes, it is in a beautiful rose garden. If the children want to go there in the future they will know where his ashes were. You don't really have time to think about what is best when it is so sudden. I think if we had buried him I would have gone to his grave every day it would have been like a magnet to me, but I don't regret the decision, I still think about him all the time. I miss him so much and still can't really believe he has gone. I don't think that you need to rush into deciding what to say on the headstone. xx

Hi all went to A&E. They did another pregnancy test was negative Doctor thinks i had a miscarrage got to see my GP then go the gynacologist.... Hope that isnt the consultant i had for my endo hes horrible lol. I've just got back and got to go shop later for the rest of the bits for DH's birthday meal couldnt be bothered getting them in town ds was fed up by this point lol. No rest for the wicked so going to have a sit down before DH gets home from work. Thanks again for all of your thoughts i really appreciate it.

As Malachy was born asleep we were offered the option of the hospital memorial or a private funeral. We decided to arrange a private funeral, we had the service at the church in our village and he is buried at a small cemetery about half a mile away. We will have a head stone for him but I haven't really thought about it IYKWIM. I know we made the right choice, it's comforting to know he's not far away and even though we will be leaving the village in the future ( due to Dh job) we have good friends here and it's an important part of our life. It's funny, when my grandparents died they were both cremated and I found this less distressing than a burial, but we never even considered thinking about a cremation for Malachy. IKWYM Sassy, a cremation is less somehow less personal

Oh Shelley, I'm so sorry, try to get some rest and look after yourself. There's no words really, just be kind to yourself x

Thanks ladies.

Susan - from our experience I don't think SF cases were dying down at Christmas. The symptoms I had went round the village just before Christmas but most people put it down to a bit of a tummy bug and didn't think anything of it. From my experience (which the SF lead MW said was pretty normal) the symptoms publicised were very misrepresentative and in consequence I strongly suspect that SF cases were underreported by quite a lot.

Re. a memorial, what type of soil are you on? We buried Grace. Nearly everyone else in our joint families has been cremated, but I HATE the bit where the coffin disappears behind the curtain. For me, a burial was a lot easier than that. Plus that meant it was all very local - the village church is, literally, at the end of our garden and the cemetery is only about 500m away. We were advised to wait about a year before putting a memorial up as we're on clay and the village cemetery is renowned for subsidence. I do worry how we'll cope if/when we decide to move on - but its a case of cross that bridge when we get to it at the moment.

shelly - I'm really sorry and hope you feel better soon. Life's just pants sometimes. Take care of yourself, and I'll keep my fingers crossed you get a different consultant this time round.

shelley I'm so sorry, you have had so much to endure take it easy and accept any help you are offered xx

My db was cremated i couldn't have watched him being buried as it was i ran behind the curtains and clung onto his coffin at the end of the service. His ashes are at home in his old bedroom so we can see him and feel his prescene really strongly in there. I also have a necklace that i always wear that contains some of DB's ashes i love that he's close to my heart.

Life is indeed pants. Told DH and he said well what can you do meaning theres nothing we could have done.. So i said get another tattoo. Thinking of getting a little star somewhere for this part of my life.

I'm going to enjoy a lovely meal with DH later and ahave a glass of wine or two and relax this evening when ds is in bed

Shelley I am so sorry darling....OMG wish I could make it better for you xxxxx Take it easy my friend, if you need me for anything Im either on here or on Facebook xxxx

Thanks ladies. As you have said beofre shabs im going to put my elenor rigby face on. I know it would have been nowhere near fully formed but its nice to think that it's spirit is with my db and he can teach it the things he wanted to teach ds