the safe and welcoming support thread for anyone affected by the loss of a child, a place to share, to shout, to cry and smile and to remember our beautiful stars and sunflowers

[crumpette]

This is a thread for anyone who has lost a child or been affected by the loss of a child no matter how big or small or how recent or long ago. We understand.

In memory of the light of my life, Lucia, and all of our little ones taken too soon. x

sassy you are not being ridiculous,its horrible how one small thing can throw you back. Hopefully one day you will bed able to think about that party and just remember how happy you and Catherine were. You obviously made her life such fun. Our children can be taken but no-one can take our precious memories xx

Sassy I understand every word....when we get on the plane to Greece I always wish we were all together. 4 sons, their partners and their children....

But I do take them with me, they are in my heart, my mind and inside the 'very fabric' of me - IYKWIM?

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sassy I'm so sorry, I do understand I hope I haven't upset you more than you are. I just want to hear Richard's voice again, have one of our chats about nothing in particular, just nattering, I am not ready to let go of him. Hope we will all find some peace soon. take care xx

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Please can I join your 'pissed off club?'

Can I join too?
Went to the out of town shopping centre on my own today,it was hard. I saw one of my students, a lovely girl Who has jjust finished her exams. I think she saw me but I looked away. I couldn't face speaking to her, I don't know whether she knows or not but I'm obviously not heavily pregnant anymore ( I was huge due to the excess fluid). I felt embarrassed and that I had failed, I know this is stupid and irrational. I feel so angry and bitter

Sassy The amount of times I would be fit to burst with anger and sadness is ridiculous . I used to have fantasies in my head about what I would do or say if someone spoke to me BUT I would then go out and try and face the day and still end up being nice to others and try not to make them feel bad .
Stupid isn't it ? I do wish that my mother hadn't given me good manners . I would have loved to have told at least a couple of people to Fuck Off .

Minione I am so sorry to hear what you are going through . I know that you know that this wasn't your fault in yuour head but it doesn't take away the guilt feelings does it ? However our children die we all feel that same guilt . Either we didn't shout at doctors enough or if only we had been with them or if only our intuition was working . Whatever way we feel we should have done something . In time for me this has got less but I do think that the guilt does come with a mothers territory .

I am waffling but please know there was nothing you could have done xxx

sassy yes I am totally pissed off. I deserve an Oscar for acting 'normal' especially at work. I am a receptionist and I must be nice to people I will probably get the sack eventually for telling some moaning old fart to fuck off and leave me alone, it is only a matter of time!!!(excuse language)
By the way I live in Cornwall.
shabs yes you can join the club, welcome. xx

Not ridiculous at all Sassy. My DH has been plagued by awful dreams so i know how upsetting and distressing they can be from his experiences. On the other hand i've hardly dreampt at all since gregor died. I also think it's very normal to take a few steps forward (e.g. thinking about work) then be whisked back a few more steps what looks like backwards. I remember Halloween last year being a particularly tough time for me as all the memories from the year before came flooding back.

been at work the last couple of days and was back in the glasgow office this pm where i bumped into my bosses boss who was lovely. He recognised and acknowedged my loss with empathy, told me he obviously had no idea how i was coping but was glad to see me keeping coming to work and acknowledged how much strength that must take. I had heard he'd had a wee boy and i asked him about that - he's 22 months which is just a couple of months younger than gregor was when he died. I was glad i'd seen him.

Shelley - been thinking about you today and wondering how you are tonight?

Shabs I know exactly what you mean about taking all your boys with you when you go to greece. Every time i pack to go away anywhere i find it soooo hard as i'm packing for one less but i do feel like gregor comes with us. I didn't feel like that a year ago - it was just so raw and last summer when we went up north we were going for a holiday but also to scatter some of his ashes. whereas this time we take no ashes but we all will carry him in our hearts x

(throws hat into the "pissed off and proud" club)

Thank you travelling It will be a 4weeks tomoirow that we found out Malachy had died. I feel like veryone has moved on, my husband has gone back to work and is coping and getting back to 'normal'. He worries about me being on my own all day and that this isn't helping me. He was so strong and 'there for me' but since being back at work (he went back last Wednesday) seems to have moved on already. I know this is hisway of coping and that he is aching inside, but I'm glad I found this thread. Hopefully the Sands meeting will be beneficial for both of us.

I'm glad im not the only one who acts normal so other people dont get upset. It's strange surely it should be the other way round?

Hi Caz and minione sorry i've not spoken to you before been a bit wrapped up in myself.

Thanks PPM. I've had a sleep on the sofa this afternoon feel exhausted. I'm a bit tender but ok. I've kind of accepted that the good things that were to happen to me or in my life have been and gone. I'm going to put ds in for lunch at preschool tomorrow and try get doctors while he's there gives me a bit extra time if they want to refer me straight to EPU. Hopefully then i'll have more of an idea whats going on. Depending on what they say will decide whether or not i tell DH tomorrow. Dont want to give him bad news on his birthday

this was he first BFP since ds been trying since endof last year but only last month actively iykwim? Re tested last night and was negative so im thinking i have. Will go docotrs as i know i need to make sure everything has gone and then fine out if I need an Anti D injection

Hi ladies. Can I come and join in? Our DD2, Grace Mary, was due at the end of January - but I came down with swine flu just after Christmas and she died on New Years Eve. I was induced on the 3rd and Grace was born on the 4th January.

I can empathise with so much of what so many of you say. The guilt is immense - for not having the SF jab, for failing at the most basic thing a woman can do, for frightening DH and DD1 so badly when I was ill, for not realising that Grace's movements had changed that last day. At the moment I feel as though I'm making a huge effort to keep going for DD1 and for DH, but if I were left to my own devices I'm really not sure where I'd be or what I'd be doing. I'm managing to do things but it all feels incredibly hollow and pointless in so many ways and I feel as though DD1 in particular deserves so much more.

I had one MC just before DD2, and I've had 2 since. It does make me wonder if DD1 is somehow meant to be an only child. The latest miscarriage had 1 week of spotting, a small bleed and then another week of spotting before finally giving up the ghost and going for all out blood and clots the weekend before last. The uncertainty of it all was awful. shellylou - I really hope things are more positive for you and you get into the EPU soon and have better news.

Oh Tangle, i'm so sorry that you have to be here too but glad you found us.

So many new faces here of late

Ladies... i'm struggling tonight.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/996809-DS-5-Told-his-teacher-we-smack-him

I can't face the thought of loosing more of my children...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/996809-DS-5-Told-his-teacher-we-smack-him

Welcome Tangle. So sad to hear your story xxx

xxxxxx

Hi Tangle;I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My DS, Archie, died on Dec 22nd, so timeline-wise we are pretty similar. Its shit isn't it? Especially 6 months on, every one thinks you should be fine... I am also really sorry about your MC's; this must all be really tough on you. Please stick around, everyone here knows - to a degree- how you feel.

Dee - I'm sure you'll be fine! My DD told the teacher that "bastard" is my favourite word and I use it a lot, and nothing was said to me