The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

crumpette, you have every right to be a misery (you are not one BTW ). Wish I could come over there and give your DP a slap or ten.

I suppose people all deal with grief differently and your DP acting like he doesn't care about L, is probably his only way of coping with it (my DH just acts like it didn't happen) BUT (and this is a big BUT) he has NO right to insist that you deal with your grief the same way as he does - 'beat it out of you?' Really?! For gawd sake, your child died! The LAST thing you need (now or ever) is to be 'inundated with insults' (I'll inundate him with something else) - so according to him you are not allowed to mourn the loss of your beloved L? You are not allowed to remember her? Well eff him (sorry, but this is bullsh*t) - and I know exactly what you mean about being controlled - I was once there too - and I promise you crumpette, one day you will reach the point where you say to yourself 'enough is enough' and that will be a good day for you.

One day, when everything is not so very raw, you will (like me) be able to talk sh*t and feel some semblance of normality again - for instance, I've been on the Relationships thread moaning about my DH's habit of talking too much during sex - if only he knew.

Sorry about the rant crumpette - it's probably the last thing you needed.

Wow he's done it again and just flown off the handle about nothing at all (I asked if he had eaten anything, I wasn't causing an argument) and has stormed off, slammind doors and shouting at me. It's so tiring, it really is. I'm not sure if it's his way of dealing with L or if he's just a grade A tosspot. I am veering towards the latter because of how he was before she was ill/before we had her, which was not good either. You've made me laugh though- does he really!? how very distracting! [eeek!]

crumpette - I am going to hold back on what I think of your DP actions (today is not right time to do it) - all I am going to say is that I think that you are a wonderful, kind, loving and strong woman and that you deserve to be treated with the dignity, respect and compassion that you deserve.

I realise that today is your remember day for L and we will remember her with you - we know your pain, you are not alone - L will never be forgotten - she was your precious little girl and she knew that she was loved/is loved by her mummy.

Giving you lots of and pray that you will get the strength from somewhere to make it through today.

Sorry crumpette - it is 12:35am here by me in Cape Town - I am already on the 12th of April.

Morning girls. Thinking of you today Crumpette. Will light my candle in honour of you precious little girl xx

Thank you

Thinking of you Crumpette, will light a candle for L.

Thinking of you and your darling L today Crumpette.

I don't think much compares to the rawness of the first anniversary. Disbelief (still) that they are gone. Disbelief that somehow you're in this situation where they aren't with you anymore. I could go on .....

Most of us here have been there, and we have just about survived.

Come and talk about anything if you need to xxx

thank you I don't know what I would do without you lot, seriously. It is total disbelief isn't it. DP was pest again last night after my last post- went out and came back yet again- and caused a huge scene over nothing- I ended up drinking lots of wine and crying for hours DS thankfully slept through til I sobered up. DP went nuts when he saw me crying and told me to shut up and threatened to walk out again

I can't quite get my head around it. I haven't done anything for her today. I lit a candle and put it by her photos but it's not really enough is it. I don't want to go outside today- I know that sounds mad, I nearly went to put flowers on her grave but I can't without getting a lift there, and I just would prefer to curl up in a ball and hide in a dark place, feeling very anxious but not sure why- it's not like anything's going to happen, but almost like my emotions have reverted to those a year ago.. it's all the weirder that her death coincided with my grandma's birthday, and I would always ring on her birthday (we were v close, she brought me up) and like I said, she died in July.. so it's almost a double hit. She was the only RL person I would ever be able to call up and cry to or chat to- and she is gone, too. argh

Anyway I'm very grateful for your support- you've all kept me surprisingly sane over the past year, in the circumstances and for that I am very very thankful

aww crumpette I am at work so cant light a candle till I get home but I am holding you and your dd close

I remember all too well the I cant go out syndrome. Days like today just take you right back there dont they ??

Tomorrow will be the first time I have worked on the day we lost Fraser...

I am not looking forward ot it.. i have a headache just thinking about it

Hey Crumpette, Been thinking about you (and you too FM xx) over the last week or two. On the day of Gregor's anniversary it was such a 'non' day if you know what I mean. Hang on in there xx

You know we are all here if you want/need a chat or an outlet.

Thinking about you today Frasersmummy and lighting my candle. xx

thinking of you Frazersmummy, candle lit here in yorkshire.
crumpette i lit my candle for l, but didnt get on here as had three granddaughters come for buttiesxx we had a long walk in hope of dd4 popping out,but no luck,
dh was knackered last nite ,but lovely afternoon in the sun,

Frasersmummy - thinking of you and your little boy today.

Morning all,

Thinking of you and your darling Fraser today FM xx Hope your day at work passes uneventfully and does not cause you too much stress. hugs for you today xx

Thank you for holding my hand yesterday. Eugh.

Frasersmummy, thinking of you and Fraser today, will light a candle here in London. I hope you don't find today too bad at work xxx

Thinking of you and your darling Fraser today FM. I'll be lighting a candle tonight in his honour and memory.

Hold tight, we'll be here for you if you need us xxx

Frasersmummy thinking of you and your darling boy today.

Have just watched one born every minute as could not face the neonatal one previously and it was just so sad. Hope you are all well.

Hi

I am not really sure if I'm in the right place, or to be totally honest, quite what I'm doing. I'm not usually an online kinda gal. Please bear with me...

We lost our baby girl about 3 weeks ago and I'm just feeling so sad I am not quite sure what to with myself. I think I'm trundling along ok, doing a good impression of being "normal" and then I am floored by this awful feeling that I should be busy looking after her. Its ike someone has picked me up and put me down in something that ressembles my old life, and I'm meant to just pick up from where I left of pre-pregnancy as if its all hunky dory.

She was just three weeks old when she died, after spending her 21 days in intensive care. She had a heart defect diagnosed before she was born which was operable, so we had prepared for what we thought was the worst case scenario- a few nailbiting weeks in hospital and then home safe, happliy ever after. However, she was born with an unexpected degenerative condition of the nervous system and was very weak and poorly, and in the end we had to choose to let her go as there was nothing else the hospital could do for her.

I know that rationally, she couldn't have lived and I should take some consolation from the fact she isn't suffering, but I somehow can't really accept it. I just miss her so much, and feel so lost and confused. My husband gets infuriated when I say life is pointless- its not what I mean exactly (not in an I-might-just-end-it-all kind of way) but I feel like I've lost all my purpose. I also feel guilty for lots of reasons to complicated to go into, and worried for my family who have taken it very hard, and cheated because I didn't get to be a proper mum to her.

Is anyone else fighting the same tide of emotions? Please tell me it gets better! What are you meant to do when you are a mum without a baby?

Oh my word Sofa - such a short, short time ago. I personally think you are in the best place possible. Welcome to our thread, such a special place, but so very sorry we had to meet here. What did you call your precious little girl? I lost one of my twin boys (at 7months) due to several congenital heart defects. We spent a fair amount of time in hospital as well. Then 10 years later my DS3 (7 years old) was knocked down by a lorry and killed almost instantly.

I think that all the feelings you talk about are totally, totally normal - over time the memories do 'soften' around the edges a little and you will get 'there' - wherever the hell 'there' is. Its such early days yet for you.

Keep posting on here - you will be supported and made to feel welcome. I think this thread is our safe haven - whenever one person is down the others all rally round.

xxxx

Hi Sofa so sorry to hear what you have been going through. Out second daughter Niamh was stillborn at term for no apparent reason last June.

At the stage you are at now I think I was crying every day, couldn't make a decision abour anything or organise anything.

I hope you have friends and family who will nurture you and give you the time and supprt you need. I was lucky to have some fantastic friends.

It is a long and shitty journey - I am so sorry that you are on it, but you are not alone. Whatever you are thinking/feeling we are here.