The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

Awwww Sassy thank you - yes all my lads are alike.

Shelley I love the fact that our lads have the same names.

Sassy - private message me on facebook and if I know the name we can compare notes

FM we are about an hours drive from the lake district...would so love to meet up IF you want too. Just come to my house or we can arrange something OR if you are not ready to meet then enjoy your break

Morning everyone. Just a quick update to let you know that DH is ok. Yesterday was traumatic but all's well and that's the main thing.

Got to the hospital around 5.30pm and was told DH was still in theatre and given i'd been told he'd left the ward at 2.30 i thought he'd have been back by then... an hour later i'd spoken with his other consultant who called me and said he'd call theatre/recovery and find out more - I then was told that the op hadn't worked. H got back to ward around 6.30pm obviously unaware of what i'd been told. another half an hour or so later surgeon came along to chat and without going into too much detail was able to tell H that they didn't think op had worked but then felt his arm and said there was hope that it may have worked but it'll be another few weeks before we'll know for sure. Anyway they then said he could get out but that was dependant on a renal doc checking his bloods. We then sat from 6pm til 11pm before we got to take him home. Am exhausted but gotta take him back to another hosp for dialysis today. Will pop back later.

... and yes my gregor was soooo cute - but heh i'm gonna be biased.... add me as a friend too sassy or i'll add you later. I actually found both Gregor and DS1's friends reactions helped me get through the first six months or so - even as young as 2-6 they all have their own take on grief and understand in my experience much more than the adults imagine they think xx

Safe journey FM xx

Morning girls.

PPM - sounds like a traumatic day sweetheart. xxx

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sassy ,i added you,hope thats okx

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Ha Ha - feel like i've been 'ended' today rather than added!!!

Evening all,

Just back from a BBQ and a few rather large vodkas!! Am shattered now but feeling a lot calmer than earlier, thank goodness. Last three days have been a bit of a blur but at least we're home and all seems to be well.

You will miss Catherine every day Sassy but you're doing so well just getting yourself up and out every day. I imagine that trip today must have stirred up so much within you... the missing her, the happy and funny memories and the downright unfairness that she was not with you today. It is the strangest of places that stirs the memories within. Oh and repetitive is good - keep talking then talk some more... btw I think i've sussed out our mutual friend - have sent you a message on fb.

Off to bed night night everyone xx

Hi, I posted a thread about my son who was stillborn in febuary about a week ago and was linked here. Finally managed to get to a computer, things are very complicated for me at the moment.

My son was 41+6 and we called him Sproglet - he was going to be Ash but neither of us felt he had made it that far and Sproglet was what we had called him since we found out I was pregnant.

Hi everyone, I have not been on for a while as we have been in France, it was nice to get away for a while - to get away from people, phone calls etc as am sure you all will appreciate -, I feel so selfish. I do not feel I can be of any help to any of you as my son was 34 and not a baby or toddler, but my Richard will always be 'my boy'. I did have him as a baby, child,and young man, and I did have a adult relationship with him and he did give me a precious grandson. BUT I am totally devasted with my loss of him. It has been nearly 7 weeks and i think I m getting worse not better. I feel pathetic at the moment.

Lavandes... 7 weeks is still so new, so raw. It doesn't matter if you had your son for 34 years or for 34 seconds... he was your son, your baby boy and you will alway be his mum. Please don't feel pathetic, because you're not. You're facing the hardest thing that a parent will ever have to face, i'm not going to say it'll get better with time or that you should be over it by now, because there's no set limit on grief, there's no 'should', you just have to take it at your own pace.

Please know that we are all here to support you, and that you aren't on your own.

Hi Trickle I'm so sorry to hear about your son, how are you doing?

So, forgive me for barging back in here. Things have been.... hectic and i just needed some space. I just felt that i needed to not be so down all the time, if that makes any sense? Ciaran's in my thoughts every single day, but i just needed to compartmentalise a bit. I've been struggling these past few weeks though with the 'what if's' and 'Should haves'... i look at boyo and Ciaran should be running round with him, i should have two cheeky five year olds driving me mad. I hate it that i don't. I know a lady who has twin boys the same age and i look at her and wonder what she did that she got to keep them both? why her and not me? I know i should be greatful for what i have, and i am, oh i am, but the anger and the hurt is still there, still raw. It's been nearly six years and it's still as fresh and as raw as it always has been.

Morning girls.

Welcome Trickle - sorry we had to meet here but glad you have come to join our special thread.

Lavandes - such early days darling....the physical and emotional pain is so hard to bear isin't it?

Dee - good to see you my friend xxxxx

Not ok :-( - sorry just not

Dee I was wondering how you were doing. Hope little Tate is well DS (same age) is now rolling and getting into trouble already- agh!

Trickle I'm so sorry we had to meet here. Thank you for telling us about Sproglet. Keep on talking, at least one person here will understand everything that you think or feel. xxx

FM have a nice break

PPM so glad your DH is fine

Sassy I'm not on FB! I may reactivate my profile here though and add some pics

Well, I saw my friend yesterday and she came to me so DP thankfully stayed away and didn't stomp around Soho all day. It was so nice to see her, actually. Alas DS screamed all day ! DP only rang three times enquiring where I was so that's a slight improvement on his usual behaviour

I had a text message yesterday from a friend's phone. I happened to be talking about her with friend who visited when it arrived. She said 'oh is she asking for advice/help again?' so I did an eye roll and opened the message and it said she had died the night before and it was from her brother. Eek.

She was such a good friend to me, I met her 8 years ago and she had anorexia, as did I. I am so sad. I went so awol on her all of last year after L died, I didn't write or email or text or anything. I totally shut her off. I received an email from her last week, literally 4 days ago, asking for advice.. and I didn't reply as I leave my emails for ages usually. I feel so bad I can't quite believe it.

Sorry!! I'm very good at feeling guilty. I guess I just wish I had done things differently, she was always so supportive to me and I have been totally absent and useless for her since L died. I feel really selfish now It's the shock, and the disbelief all over again, and then the desire to text her or email her to say lots of things I never said, but I can't. ARGH

Trickle I wish I could give you a big squeeze and tell you it will be OK. It won't be OK, ever, to have lost your son. It isn't fair, it isn't right, it shouldn't happen and it's OK to hate the world. But you'll survive, even if you don't really want to right now, I promise you'll survive this and we will all be here to hold your hand through it. My DD died in April 09 age 14mths. I didn't want to exist without her, I couldn't even get up or breathe after she died, such a horrific hit right in your heart to lose your child and I still have days when that raw pain is here with me, but I also have days where I can function OK. The lovely ladies here have really helped me so much, to know I'm not going mad, to use as a sounding board or to vent at and nobody minds because we've all been there too. x

Welcome to our thread trickle, so sorry to hear about Ash.

The early days are so tough and bleak, please come and talk to us whenever you want to.

Nice to see you again lavandes. It's not selfish you being here, we are all here to support eachother through the ups and the downs. That's what friendship is about isn't it?

We may all only be cyber friends, but I know that the ladies on this thread will understand me like my RL friends can't - iyswim.

Just a few quick hello's from me as my laptop power lead in knackered so I'm borrowing one for today

Things are just such a mess - I have something called hypermobility syndrome and the pregnancy means I can't walk without holding onto someone any more (may or may not get better). I can't use my bathroom, I'm stuck in my front room and I have to move into council accomodation because they can't adapt my house.

I didn't drink, I don't smoke, I exercised as much as I could with all my restrictions and I came off all my medication. I did the whole pregnancy with no pain relief with a cronic pain condition. Everyone I know smokes, couldn't care less what they eat or wether they exercise - I even cut out caffien for goodness sake. Everyone is shocked - I've had so much bad luck already - and I was so careful but it's me it happened to.

I have to sell my house - but I can't do that until it's had some improvements becasue we are in negative equity - I've been living in a building site for 8 months. They have finally found a council house I might be able to have - but at this rate I will be having to pay the full mortgage once we have moved and I'm only on income support - they won't let my husband have carers allowance - they say I don't need enough hours care (even though I can't move off the bed without help or carry anything).

On top of that my FIL died when I was 6 weeks pregnant - so my poor DH is really struggling.

I'm only 27, a lot of other stuff has happened in the past too and it just feels like nothing ever gets better. It just keps getting worse and all I want is my baby. I couldn't really give a fig about the rest of it - it's just all making it so much harder to grieve.

Trickle I'm so sorry to hear about your awful time. There is no justice in any of this. I rallied against the 'why me why me??' feelings for a while, y'know, people do things wrong all the time in pregnancy or whilst caring for their children and like you I did nothing wrong at all and yet DD died. For you to have had to suffer like that as well- you did everything you could do for your baby and I'm so saddened that it didn't work out. I often think nothing else bad can possibly happen and then a whole load of toher stuff comes flying at me, too. I really am sorry that you're in this situation, and to have lost your FIL as well just sort of compounds everything. I know you won't really care about the pain or the housing etc and all that you want is your baby. Gosh I wish I knew how to help. It's just not fair xxx

Ilike what an error! I received letters addressed to L for months after she died, inviting her to outpatient appts would you believe.. er.. helloo

No I haven't had a letter but the hospital don't actually know my new address so I didn't receive their invite to their memorial service at Christmas time either. I think for my sanity I will keep it that way! Party my arse...! Were you thinking of going? Thanks for the warning

Thank you crumpette it helps somewhat to know it really is not fair and it's not just me being whiny - I'm not able to cry in front of other people - I can't stand the sympathy face to face and I don't want to wear people out with my needyness right now - and my husband needs some protection he lost his father and his second baby in a year (a previous GF had a miscarriage). He has wanted to be a father since he was 16 and he is wonderful with kids.

Sounds daft - but it's one of my faults protecting everyone else - even from my own pain. It's lead to an ED and self-harm in the past. I'm determined not to let that happen this time. I've decided I need to be selfish somewhere - I'm afraid I've picked this thread.

Hi Trickle. For quite a while after my son died I would question 'why me?'. Was it something I'd done, or didn't do? Why is it that others seemingly lead a charmed life?

My conclusion? It's just bad luck and there's very often nothing you can do or could have done to stop it. It took me a while and lots of heartache to come to this conclusion because I wanted to be able to blame someone or something. It feels good to be able to blame something, having nothing or no one to blame can leave you feeling quite adrift can't it?

Sorry, I'm not sure if what I'm saying is helping at all, I hope it is.

I wish I could help you with all of your other problems. Maybe we can help by being here and listening to you?

crumpette - what an error indeed. I've written them an email telling them the error of their ways. Bloody fuckwits. In someways I would like to go, but really it's too painful. It's not at Kings which would make it easier, but seeing the old faces would be difficult and too upsetting.

shabs incase you were wondering who that friends request was from

Dont feel you have to add me though. I wont be offended.

ooohhhh che I havent noticed the request yet - my son, his partner and lew went to a wedding yesterday and Im still rofl about the videos of my 'barmpot' mad son dancing I just dont know where he gets it from LOL