The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

morning.

yes i did shabs lol

hope all goes well today PPM

Thanks folks. I have emailed and spoken with DH's consultant and am feeling a bit calmer and a bit less anxious today. Am about to leave in a wee while to head to hosp. All BETTER be well!!

PPM hope you're all OK...

Well today DP was meant to go to his redundancy meeting thingy at work, but instead his car was clamped as he hadn't renewed his tax disc, and we now have to pay lots to get it unclamped plus extra fees, and we haven't even got through yet so it will double by tomorrow !! It's just sort of everything at once. I am really edging closer to leaving him. I'm sick of this non-life. I am seeing a friend at the weekend, I saw her when L was ill, she's just finished her med degree and she's lovely and clever and sensitive and we went to school together. The grief he has given me about agreeing to meet her for a coffee is ridiculous. He has now only allowed it if he gets to go to soho and ''do whatever he wants with whoever he wants'' surely that's barking mad, I only want to see a friend for a coffee

just feeling a bit despondent, missing my best friend L, my little sidekick and ray of sunshine who would always make me smile no matter how idiotic her father was behaving. I miss her really badly right now..

Also I'm getting all edgy about DS getting ill too.. everything's unfolding exactly as it did with her. The same friend came to the same place in London to visit L at the same age as DS is now, it's all a bit weird, ds is doing the same things, he likes the same things, he looks the same, I just keep looking at him and thinking oh god please don't die please don't die. I feel like I can't start enjoying him and being a proper mummy as I'm so on edge until he gets older than she was I'm not convinced he'll be OK. Gosh I sound mad

Anyway I really hope everyone's OK and ppm sending good vibes your way.

Have just bought this book for DS haha

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Op not til tomorrow afternoon now. huge waves of anxiety for me - DH absolutely fine about it all but does understand why i'm so anxious. Been in tears on phone to his consultant and the nurse who have been very lovely, patient and understanding with me.

Sassy - On what would have been Gregor's 3rd birthday we let off 3 chinese lanterns one evening - was really moving. The lead up to his birthday was pretty awful though - thinking of all the things i should have been planning when all i felt was emptyness.

Crumpette - echo what Sassy has said - huge hugs for you xx

Sassy I have always found that the actual day is nowhere near as bad as we set it up to be - IYKWIM? I think more than anything you should be kind to yourself....your precious child would want you to 'get through it' that I know is sure.

I will try and remember what I did in the 'early days' and let you know. xxxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Good luck for today ppm x

Sassy , for the first few birthdays and anniversaries we used to go to a local duck pond that we had taken Harry too , we just wanted to do something that was all about him andbe somewhere peaceful . The build up is always def worst . The day itself especially early on used to just feel really odd , I would spend all day waiting for something to happen and not a lot would .

Sassy I'm in the same boat as you. Its my db's birthday in just over 3 weeks and i dont know how to mark it or suggest to my parents. So many times i've went to buy his cards. I have the ones ds, DH and I gave him last year, he'd kept them. I was late getting them so DH got them from the shop and tried to keep my db talking while i wrote them out in the kitchen. I'm so glad he got the card he did and i wrote what i had in it. I never thought for a second i'd be where i am now. We let of a balloon at christmas and on the 2 month anniversairy so we shall probably do something like that. Only thing i do know is i will be at my parents for the maority of that day.

Strange things are going on here. My phone battery ran out the other night just caught the call log button and theres a dialled call to the funeral director.

Hope the op goes ahead as planned today PPM and everything is fine.

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Shelley - I reckon your DB is just letting you know he is around.

Think that the balloon launch is a beautiful idea.....so wish we thought like children - they see black or white and we see the horrible grey bit in the middle. xx

Sassy add me on facebook!!! I have Shabba as my middle name!!! My surname is the mad bloke who was married to Gail in Coronation Street, the one who drove them all into the water ....if you cant find me I will just put my name on here Think if you put Shabba in you will find me. xx

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ROFL!!!

I think you have made giant strides of progress sweetheart xx

I know hes around been feeling him loads lately.The lights in a bar o corfu changed to the design of my tattoo to make sure i knew he was around. I never take notice of the shape they make lol. Even tried ringing him a few times, number is still on my phone. Was most annoyed my wallpaper on myphone had gone of as it hd been turned of for so long so had to put it back on hehe. Pic of ds and db.
I think i need to get the JD again lol

This morning's op that was before my dh has been complicated and is apparently still ongoing so anaesth now told him he may have to have a general anaes now instead of a local... for speed!! WTF!! finally managed to get hold of the nurse in charge to ask if DH was ok with that - other option is they cancel the op.... argghhhhhh!!!!! I feel sooooo stressed, worried and anxious and no amount of nurses/friends telling me that general anaesth's are really safe / surgeon and anaesth are very good is going to reassure me - This wouldn't have put me up nor down prior to Gregor's death but now it's just such a different ball game. I keep telling myself all will be well but when you've been that one in however many million chance before what's to stop it happening again

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@ Sassy - am off to have a nosey xx

Oh Sassy - she is so, so beautiful xxxx

hi girls,hope you all ok, ppm hope dh is ok,my dh is going in week on saturday for angiography,bit scared...but ecg showed not normal,so more tests, and were both trying to lose weight ,have to now.

Hiya

I am off to the lake district tomorrow for the week.

I hope you all have a peaceful week and find something to make you smile at least once during the week

take care all

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I agree susan they are very handsome. It took me a while to get onto these threads as a previous one was done by shabs and had theire names in. ame names as my dbs.
Gregors such a cutie!!