The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

Pirate - thinking about your darling girl and you tonight. Sorry its a bit late but have just lit my candle in honour and with love for Christina xxxxxxxxx

Hi Shabba. I searched for this thread because I really wanted to check in - as the years go by fewer people remember in RL so I make a point of mentioning her.

Thank you.

Happy Birthday Christina.

I'm so sorry your darling daughter isn't with you all PP.

I know what you mean Pirate - the world does keep on turning doesn't it? Sometimes I feel like I want the world to stop and let me get off!! xxxx

Happy Birthday Christina, thinking of you PiratePrincess xxx

Hope everyone's alright(ish) haven't caught up with thread so will be back tomorrow.. have been busy getting sunburnt in the park (error!!!) now look hideous and in mucho pain! Then found out today DP made redundant- cue major panic, am bit shocked, as I'm off work on stat maternity pay Anyway yes, off to bed-bad day! SSusan and PPM (and everyone!)hope you're OK x

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Morning girls xx

Morning shabs!

I like your new name SassySusan!

yes my mother is a prize twunt (I think that's an MN word, bit sad that I have adpoted MNisms into my vocabulary I referred to DP as .. DP in real life once ) She was a nightmare when I was a child, I moved out at 7 and then permanently at 11, I have scars from where she would hit me when I was a toddler and she pushed me down the stairs numerous times when I was 2 or 3.. not a great mother I have to say. The latest was yesterday, she phoned to say 'where are you' 'in the park' I said 'where's the baby?' 'with me, of course' and then she said 'oh my god don't put him on the grass he will touch pigeon poo and catch hepatitis and die' she's mad, she also rang to say she had met up with my father's family over the weekend (my father died before I was born) and my grandparents were horrified that I hadn't named the baby after my father and said they were 'disgusted' that I didn't use the name and were not ibterested in ever seeing the baby. I mean, how petty after my daughter has died, is that attitude? I couldn't name DS after my father unless I also named him after DD which has much more significance to me, but then in a wayI want to keep DD as just DD, and I think it's unfair to give him lots of baggage in his name. As if I'm going to name him after my father when DD has died- what?!

argh

sorry, ranting! PPM I'm glad you got away for a bit but I know what you mean about not really enjoying anything, even if I have a day which should be a 'good day' there's this heavy feeling in my heart that stops me from having a good time because of course my favourite person isn't there and I look around and see other children that are the age she should be now and it hurts even more

Anyway yeah, I'm OK I'm just really worried about DP's job. I have no idea what to do! I can't believe it, you know I'm very good at denial and sibelief and though it's not as bad as soemeone dying it's had the same effect on me, just pretending it's not true. Because if he does lose his job, we'll have to move and it will all be pretty grim

typos, sorry!

Love to you Pirate and for your darling Christina too xx

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Thank you everyone.

xx

Morning girls xx

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SassyS - your words describe your feelings so well. I still have Matts school coat, school bag, some of his clothes and one black PE plimsoll!!!! Also have Gareths reins (with his name on) and some of his clothes....I have a big remember box with all the cards and letters we received carefully stored away. Some times I will re-read the cards but I find it hard to get through more than a couple.

None of this crap makes sense does it? Why should a tree live but not a precious child. If anybody has a good reason I will be more than happy to listen - I have asked people of all different religions to explain it to me but they cant. Remember though Sassy the feelings you have are totally, totally 'normal.'

The longing for 10 more minutes with our children is overwhelming.

Keep posting my friend....we are here to help you xxxx

...forgot to say that Catherines handbag collection made me smile - she sounds wonderful xxxx

Morning girls I have just about recovered from a pretty bad weekend

I wont rant on here because this is not the thread for it .. suffice to say when you have been doing brownies twice as long as me and are much highter up the chain than me you obv dont need to follow the rules
or even show commonm sense .. There was complete lack of control and in some cases disregard for safety of those girls

sorry wasnt going to rant .. girls had a great time and thats all that matters

anyway .. susan I know what you mean about going through catherine's stuff.. I did it a lot after we lost Fraser.. I went through a phase of chucking it everywhere in anger ..
I might be really wrong susan as Fraser never lived but I would imagine that some things of Catherine's will have happy memories attached. Its still really early days but perhaps you could keep some of the stuff that you have happy memories of her wearing/using so that in years to come you can look at them and smile through your tears

Does that make sense.. or is that just mad rmablings of someone who never knew their child and therefore doesnt understand??

I hate to say this but your xmas tree might not survive till xmas. Every year we buy Fraser a potted real tree. Every year we bring it back from his garden but cant bear to throw it out. So it sits in the garden till july /aug when it dies and we throw it out anyway .. how mad is that

We have a weeping appple blossom tree that has grown bigger and stronger every year since we planted.. a week after we lost Fraser. It blossoms every april .. right on time for his b/day. Makes me smile every spring and cry every winter when its just twigs

Perhaps the tree lives because our children live.. just not here with us on earth

I know we dont all believe but this quote always makes me smile..

god has written the promise of resurrection
not just in books but in every leaf in springtime

apologies to those who dont believe .. I really dont want to offend

fm thinks its time she stopped typing crap and got her and her ds dressed. last induction day at school today

I have no right to be here.

Sometimes I look at your thread. I don't know why. I cry for all your losses. I cry when I read of people saying such terrible things to you as asking you to put your child's death in writing to get a discount from their swimming lessons. I cry at the cruelty of it all.

I came on this thread today because I saw the poems in 'Last 15 minutes' a few days ago. I don't know if you've had this one before. Wordsworth wrote it on the death of his daughter, Lucy:

SURPRISED by joy--impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport--Oh! with whom
But Thee, deep buried in the silent tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind--
But how could I forget thee? Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss?--That thought's return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart's best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.

I won't come back, I know this is your safe haven. I just want to say that I am sorry for each and every loss that has brought you to this thread.

mrs bean.. you come back as often as you like...

thank you for your kind words and the poem.

Its nice to know others are thinking of our darling children..too many people in this world think its too hard to mention our loss.
Every day one of us will hear.. I didnt know what to say so I didnt say anything .. its lovely when someone says something simple and heartfelt like you did. Please feel free to come back anytime
but next time bring cakes

Mrsbean - thank you - you have every right to be here - everybody is welcome - oh yes and when you come back again as well as the cakes will you bring some dry roasted nuts and a large bottle of strong cider apple juice? Many thanks.

FM rant away love - rant away!!!

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Sassy , big hugs for you (and your DH)

You are right it is shit . In fact that was my answer to everyone who asked me how I was for a looong time . I would always answer shit to shite . It did make a few people look at me like I was nuts but I didn't care . In the early days I wasn't as willing as I am now to tiptoe around other people .

Catherine sounds fab . Everything brings back so many memories in those early days . There will come a time when you can think of these things and smile . I never thought it would happen to me but it did and it was a truly lovely moment when it did . Then of course I would get the stupid guilt feeling for smiling but that too passed .

morning girls,hope all ok, im here ,kayla is doing well,thank god,she smiles,so lovely.