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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

994 replies

peterpansmum · 24/03/2010 08:24

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

OP posts:
travellingwilbury · 04/05/2010 07:27

Good morning all

Congratulations granny

shelleylou · 04/05/2010 07:28

Morning all,

Hope the christening went well shabs.
Congratualtions on becoming a granny again Hazy. Lovely name.

I'm trying to keep my head above water. Missing my db loads lately and getting upset at the tiniest thing. I know its because i want him with me on saturday physically but i have to settle for his spirit to be there. I wrote on his FB wall not to forget. Always had to remind both my dbs about birthdays, mothers/fathers day and anniversairies so. I should be looking forward to it which i am but Matt not being there is overshadowing it. Sorry for the whinge dont really want to tell anyone in RL incase they take it wrong.

peterpansmum · 04/05/2010 07:36

Went into work yesterday - was soooooo stressed, should have just stayed at home but heh - anyway, part of the reason I went in was to let DH and DS1 spend the day together.
The last day he did that was the day Gregor died and anyway his worries made their way into my head and i ended up emailing my manager with a load of my work worries - cue a meeting this morning to discuss my concerns. Yesterday I could have just walked out, today i'm not so sure - I don't actually think life would be any easier without work ...... am back in the dark place not seeing a way forward today

OP posts:
hazygirl · 04/05/2010 08:58

ppm i know how you feel,i walked on thursday night,after a row with night manager,i screamed and cried ,then i walked.
friday i had a meeting with matron,and she was lovely,understanding,

MmeLindt · 04/05/2010 09:30

Excuse me barging in like this, but I wanted to draw your attention to this www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/958392-my-son-has-died?msgid=19551608 thread]]. I know that you are all very good at supporting each other, and will find the right words of comfort for Lavandes.

shabbapinkfrog · 04/05/2010 10:00

I have posted on the thread MLindt - I do hope Lavandes comes along to get some support from all the ladies on here. x

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 04/05/2010 13:14

I don't think anyone would take it the wrong way Shelley. It is ok and normal to miss your db.

PPM - are you able to take some time off work (I'm talking weeks or months, not days). It sounds like you need some time for healing and maybe some reflection? Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but reading your post it sounds like you are confused and maybe uncertain about your way forward.

shelleylou · 04/05/2010 17:28

I did mention it to mum earlier and shes agreed. she's feeling it 'more' because the wedding is so close.

crumpette · 04/05/2010 18:27

Hey Ilike, yes it made me panic I was having all sorts of visions about what would happen next, horrible. I didn't realise it was normal after a tummy bug- ironically L was never ill (til she had ALF), so I'm not used to a mildly ill baby at home, no idea what's normal!

PPM sorry you are feeling so down, can you get away for a weekend or something to the coast maybe to clear a few cobwebs? I always feel better when I change my location, I just get so down and trapped, but equally I know it's so hard to ever have a nice weekend without Gregor xx we're here

Well I've had a crap day! I (gasp) went out- wandered about, put card in ATM to get cash out- card was retained by the machine and a message flashed up not to enter my pin as a device was fitted to the machine, went into the branch, they were useless.. then I met my neighbour for the first time in about 5-6 weeks and went to the park, DP called and I spoke to him briefly and must have dropped my phone when putting it into my bag and I got to the cafe in the park and realised I didn't have my phone- cue me leaving DS with the neighbour while I retraced my steps, couldn't find it, came back and actually cried in front of her (a little tiny bit) because it had photos of L on it, including photos of her when she died (I know that sounds strange but I had to take them) but I never transferred them to my computer. So luckily it was handed in by a tourist and I got it back from a desk in the park but seriously the neighbour now thinks I am a scatty freak freak freak who cries and also DP kept ringing accusing me of having an affair, which is mighty embarrassing so she knows how controlling he is now

gah- back to hiding from the world!

peterpansmum · 04/05/2010 19:57

Hi all, thanks for your messages of support/concern - I've had a better day today. Had a meeting with my new manager who is lovely and understanding and didn't want to put too much pressure on me by piling the work on, i've explained to him that i really need more work and he's cool with that too.

ILike - I have thought (and probably over-analysed!) about having another chunk of time off work but i really don't think this will help as I only work two days a week and at the moment those days (with the exception of yesterday ) are generally helping me get through the weeks and providing a space and place where I am me if that makes sense. The days I don't work are the days I am trying to take time out to reflect, which may be why i have been a bit more unpredictable lately - I've started to put some structure into the days i'm not working and this is helping a bit. Have another counselling appt tomorrow so thinking that's well-timed.

Crumpette - get those pics downloaded this week!! I did almost exactly the same as you and nearly lost my phone last Oct when i was away on holiday - it fell out my pocket when i was out on a bike ride and some lovely lovely lady handed it in - I had numerous pics of both boys on it and also pics of gregor after he'd died so what you're saying makes perfect sense to me - i saw the phone being handed in as a warning to get the pics downloaded no matter what!

OP posts:
giraffesCANdriveAcar · 05/05/2010 05:40

Hi ladies, popped on to post a link to the thread mmelindt linked too, shes beaten me to it. Thought while I was here I would just say hello.

Hazy congrats on becoming a granny, thats lovely news.

Peterpansmum, that sounds a really positive meeting with your manager

Thought I would share a song thats out at the moment that means a lot, I know its not about this but I take the meaning to be aboutmy baby girl who was born asleep to soon and thought anyone who has had a baby who was born asleep would like it too - link

travellingwilbury · 05/05/2010 06:34

Good morning all x

PPM , you sound brighter which is good . It seems like you have got a good manager there . I think as long as you keep telling him how you are really feeling and coping that you will be fine x

shabbapinkfrog · 05/05/2010 06:42

Good morning girls. xxx

Giraffe I love that song x

hazygirl · 05/05/2010 07:34

yep ,lovely girls dd1 has put photos on facebook of my granddaughters,initial is dd

lottiejenkins · 05/05/2010 18:23

Hi all, today would have been my dh's seventy fifth birthday. I took Wilf to the grave and he left a card in a plastic folder and some flowers. I took a picture of him at the grave and sent it to to the only one of my stepchildren who i do get on with my youngest stepson. He's Wilfs legal guardian!

NinaJane · 05/05/2010 19:34

crumpette - download those photo's NOW! I only have a few photo's of Sydney and to add insult to injury, 90% of them came out blurred.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 05/05/2010 21:12

Hi Lottie, it must have been a hard day for you both. I hope the day has been as ok as it can be for you.

shabbapinkfrog · 05/05/2010 22:34

Thinking about you and Wilf Lottie. xx

shabbapinkfrog · 06/05/2010 06:43

Morning girls xx

lottiejenkins · 06/05/2010 07:03

Morning all. I am going away for a long weekend to stay with friends in Dorset!

hazygirl · 06/05/2010 07:38

have a good time ,lottiexx

peterpansmum · 06/05/2010 20:34

Hiya everyone x have a nice time Lottie x

Had a really good counsellor meeting yesterday - talked a lot about how/why i dipped so much on monday this week. Also talked a lot about building loss and gregor's life and death into my life. Only got two weeks til next counselling appt this time as i think i'm probably more in need of it now than i was 4 months or so ago. It's reassuring to know that i am normal for someone who has lost a child - i know you guys tell me that all the time but having someone whose job it is and has 20-30 years of experience counselling people such as me is also reassuring. I have been out for walks yesterday and today to try to gather head space and it is helping. Daffodils still out

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 07/05/2010 06:33

Morning girls xx

travellingwilbury · 07/05/2010 06:47

Morning all x

ppm , it sounds like you have got a good counsellor there . Glad you are getting something out of it .

shabbapinkfrog · 08/05/2010 09:52

Morning girls xx

Shelley hope today is very special for you. Your Matt will be there watching you get married - Im sure of that xx