The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

I have no idea what's in the air TW, but I do wish it would just piss off.

I thought you had been quite this week but thought maybe you were just busy with stuff/life. I wish I'd said something now. {{{hugs}}}

I hope ds is feeling better crumpette. I obviously don't know for sure, but I am sure that an informal conversation you had with the co-ordinator would not have stopped L having a 3rd if the surgeons really believed that it was an option.

Whilst the team of doc's, Consultants, co-ordinators and surgeons work pretty much as a committee, it is the surgeons who have the final word and decision. You may not have physically seen them much, but they would have known everything that was going on.

Don't take so much responsibility on your shoulders.

Carl's partner (I have never met him) has just private messaged me on Facebook. It seems that Carl took his own life.... He was a tutor at uni, amazing sense of humour, very intelligent....how very, very sad. xx

PPM , lovely pics
I do love a daffodil , we have got loads in the garden and I always think of you and Gregor now when I see one .

Thanks Ilike , just one of those blips you know ? I don't think listening to the reunion programme on radio 4 on sunday helped much . It was two seperate parents who lost a child at Dunblane , a social worker who was there at the time , a teacher and a times journalist . I knew I shouldn't be listening but just couldn't stop once I had started . Was really well done and very compelling but bloody hell it was awful to listen to .

I think it could be wine o clock .

Oh Shabs that's just so sad. So so sorry to hear this - huge squeezy hugs for you my dear xx

(((((((((((Shabs))))))))))))

How bloody awful for all concerned xxx

Thank you for your thoughts and messages on Billie's day. They mean a lot to me.

Spent the day in Billie's garden which needed a total makeover. Its our little front garden so not grand but its very pretty now. It gives me something to do on her special days but I dont feel pressured IYSWIM.

I had a strange experience in the early hours of the 27th. I put my radio on sleep mode because I fall asleep listening to R4 or R7. For some reason it didnt work and the radio was still on when I woke up sometime in the very early morning. The programme was about blood and bone marrow donation. People were saying things and it was like listening to myself saying (and posting) the things I do to convince people to sign up. Then that dear little girl who recently died was on - she was saying how people should sign up and how she was going to fight her luekemia and live her life. I cant remember the exact words but it was heartbreaking.

I was half asleep so it was all a bit surreal and dreamlike.

It may sound silly but it was like Billie letting me know she was around and telling me to keep bothering people to give up their blood and bone marrow.

Sorry to hear about your friend Shabs

Oh Che how strange....must admit stuff like that happens at our house all the time. Its kind of like our children are reminding us they are still around

Thank you all for your kind words about my friend. Myself and his partner tonight worked out that it is almost 40 years since we last saw each other. There is his partner in his home country of Brazil and here is me sat in Lancashire....both pondering why someone so vital would take his own life.

I have thought about Everlong since I knew what had happened to my friend....Everlong if you are lurking and not posting will you email me my friend. Thought about you and your lovely Oli for the last couple of days more than ever before xxxx

Morning all xx

che how weird for you , especially to wake up to . Hope you are doing ok xx

How we all doing this morning ? i am thankfully feeling a wee bit lighter today .

Morning girls xx

Oh PPM those daffodils are beautiful

Ilike- thank you for speaking sense- I guess I will never know for sure but I really considered it to be an informal conversation but think she was ticking boxes in the notes out of the room iyswim. I didn't mean I wanted another child to have a liver and not her but that's what I said because I was trying to pretend she wasn't even ill for my own psychological reasoning. Every day I wake up and replay that day in my mind and think 'you idiot, you said no' but I did believe that if the need arose they would have asked again, ecause at the time she wasn't in need of another liver she wasn't that bad, but it was a bank holiday weekend and they were all home

che- how strange that you awoke to that on the radio on Billie's birthday. I don't know what your beliefs are but I have read a load of stuff since L died trying to find some kind of comfort that she still exists somewhere and there is a lot of evidence to suggest that all of our children still exist, not only in our hearts and our memories but in reality as well just in another form, and I have read that communication is easiest when utilising something like radio signals. I know that sounds barmy but I truly believe, from some of the stuff I have read but have no experience of, that your Billie was there sending you that message xx

ps I'm not feeling as grim now and DS not throwing up any more but

Morning girls xx

Morning all x

Glad you are feeling a bit brighter now and pleased to hear that ds has picked up too .

Evening all xx Had a family day out in Glasgow today for our 11th wedding anniversary. Got train in and went for a wander round the shops then lunch with cocktails then off to see Peter Pan at the theatre this afternoon. Was lovely day out. DS1 absolutely loved it as did me and dh. Back home on train a couple glasses of red and now i'm ready for bed (with my book)!! During the last week i couldn't have even imagined leaving the house this weekend but I did actually enjoy the day out. How are you all doing? xx

Morning girls.

PPM sounds like you had a really lovely day

Today is my great niece's christening. My Mum and Dad are so very giddy because its not very often that we all get together. I have a little gift and a card all wrapped in bright pink wrapping paper it still seems odd that we have a little girl in our family LOL - never thought that would happen!

Have a great day Shabs!!!

PPM so glad you got out and about yesterday, sounds like it was a lovely day for you x

Well.. I was all geared up to go on some brave jaunt today to Kingston (for the boring purchasing of baby vests) and could not believe how nervous and panicky I was but DP has thrown a spanner in the works by being ill! With the same thing I had, so must be viral of some description. (Hahaha re DP being ill [evil emoticon]) Baby now better thank goodness. All Friday and yesterday morning too his nappies were really quite pale and chalky (tmi, sorry) and I was on the verge of taking him to hospital for LFTs but he's bright and seems fine and they're more normal looking now

hi girls,my granddaughter kayla ruby arrived at 6.30pm tnitex aint seen her yet ,she weights 7lb 5oz ,and double of j and a.
glad you had a good day ppm ,you deserve it.

Hazy - Many congratulations to you all Hazy and welcome to the world Kayla. xxx

Hope eveyone is doing ok. x

Thanks Hazy, HUGE Congratulations to you and your DD and family, have been thinking about you all, am so relieved all is well. We scattered some of Gregor's ashes today. Been a bit of a strange weekend really. I'm supposed to be working tomorrow, really cannot be bothered.

Hiya Lighthousekeeper - think many of us are in the midst of a difficult time at the moment - how's you?

Hi PPM, I'm doing okay at the mo thanks. It's been a rollercoaster over the last few months but I think I'm getting there now.
Glad you had a good day out yesterday. It sounded lovely. x

Hazey.....my dear, dear friend....So you are a Grandma again? Such wonderful news - love your new grandaughters name....good weight as well. Shout up Hazy if you need to gab or if you need any help xxxxxxx Wonderful news, you have really cheered me up xxxx

Morning girls xx

cheers i aint seen her yet,seen picture but dd1 had a bad time ,as kayla opened her bowels inside,but thankfully she fine and well,hoping to come home today or tomorrow.
i offered to do overtime at hospital sunday as baby meant to come saturday,so dh and dd2,had the girls, he was nearly bald by time he picked me up. i did offer to come home but he turned me down.
hope you had a good time shab at christening,and sneaked a few cuddles.
lhk,so wonderful to here from you, lovely life is one hell of a roller coster,hope we all get more highs nowxxx
ppm,im so glad you are having a better time,i used to think things can only get better,but darent say it anymore,

Congratulations on the safe arrival of Kayla. You can be a proud Granny all over again

Crumpette - pale poo's after a stomach bug are expected. But I do know what panic they cause, it's bloody horrible isn't it.

Spending a long weekend with dh and ds seems to have lifted the grey cloud - thankfully.

Morning girls xx