The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

at the ooompa loompah-ness of your weekend crumpette!! Glad they acknowledged L xx how's things otherwise?

Lottie - there's another mummy on another bereavement thread (I cannot do these links ) who i think may have seen your letter in the Mail on Sunday.... there's already a link to our thread.

[Sigh] There are far too many of us going through all this shit! Still feeling down today [another sigh!]

Just seen that PPM I hope she ventures over (we don't bite, honest!!)

I'm OK thanks, not too mad today. It turns out that FIL's wife's DS2 died when he was about 20 and she was very nice to me- kind of crap to have that in common with someone but, she was nice to me and apparently she's not nice to anyone usually!

Sorry you're feeling down today. Have a virtual glass of vino from me ... x

I'm glad she saw my letter! I hope it encourages other people who have experienced the sad time we have to post too!

Ds did a most amazing thing today at my friends DS holy communion he knows all about Scott and that they were born a day apart etc he went to K and said to her "I know it's hard for you to see me as me and Scott were born so close together thank you for inviting me and I will be thinking of Scott on Thursday I'll send him a peice of my birthday cake with my sisters bit so he don't feel left out"

How on earth we are gonna send a birthday cake i have no idea but he did all this off his own back and K told me later that she really appricates that I have told DS all about Scott and that he wanted to remember him.

Having a really really tough time at the moment I have posted a thread in mental health just ot get some of it out. I'll find out more about the respite care tommorrow when the SW calls - although DP dosen't want us to do it but I need to do it.

Hugs to all.

Shellylou - have you tried BHS for a dress they do some really nice ones and not too expensive Good luck witht he Dress hunting.

Crumpette - I totally understand where you are comming from K pretty much said the same thing to me Scott has a gentic illness so was unwell most of the time. I'm so glad that your IL included L xxx It's amazing when we get talking to people how many of us have actually lost a child no matter the age of that child.

PPM Big hugs to you x

Lottie - i must have missed your letter is it online or just in the actual paper? could you link to it?

xxx

I cant link to it sorry! I will write it on here tomorrow!

Hi Girls, Bambi here, yes lottie, it was indeed your letter that I saw, although to be honest when you said MOS I did have to think what you meant for a minute (as in what is MOS?) but then realised the paper you meant. And thankyou and the others for directing me to this thread. Going through a tough time at the moment, I am ok, as well as can be but me and hubby are at a loss at the moment, everyday and night it was always going into the hospital whereas now there is nothing, no calling the hospital, no updates or anything and that really gets to us, and we miss her so much xxx

BHS ones were more tan i wanted to pay and i needed a wite one theres were all ivory. I got 1 tonight of ebay, 2nd hand but stunning and argain too so as long as ts delivered in the next few days ill be fin. Panic over

Atacomplete - your DS sounds amazingly wonderful - well said that lad....you know what I think you should do? I think there should be some birthday cake baking going on! Your friend will be overwhelmed with a gift like that - would really include your DS to be honest. He has his head screwed on as we say in the north of England.

Bambi - welcome to the most amazing thread on MN.....I must have said this a hundred times before BUT 'Welcome to our special thread, the place where you will find support, love and loyalty. I wish we didn't have to meet here....really wish we were on another thread calling our MIL's names!!! BUT we are here and we all help each other walk the 'crappy path.'

i couldnt join in on that 1 shabs my MIL is lovely. elcome bambi

Morning girls xx

Welcome Bambi. I am so sorry to hear about Lacey. My son Jack was born prematurely at 26 weeks and suffered a brain haemorrage. We had to make the decision to switch his life support off when he was two hours old. I hope you feel able to talk to us on here.

hi girls looking forward to seeing your letter lottie,and well done.
crump glad your ils mentioned l,it so hurts to have them missed out.
well last nite was the first sunday night i havent worked after fourteen years,didnt sleep ,couldnt relax, i just felt lost,im a chicken as couldnt cope with the dying on the unit,they moved me to, i wanted to find a duvet,run,hide and cry,it was sinking me back to where i was before,and i cant do that at momemt,with dd1 been due any time.
bambi, im so sorry to hear about lacey, im so sorry, no words make you feel any better ,but wanted you to know how good everyone is here.
shabs,has picked so many of us up time and time again,shes amazing

oh well I obviously didn't do my maths correctly- thought they had included L in the 'grandchildren' score but they actually left her out and then told me they had x grandchildren.. leaving her out.. I forgot about DP's brother's eldest hence the bad maths I'm really sad actually, I was so pleased they remembered her but they didn't! Ah well, they only live on the other side of London and they never even met her even when they knew she was ill, they had over a year to meet her and they never bothered! Sorry don't mean to moan, they were nice but it's just so bad isn't it when you know other people don't actually remember the child you lost.

AACL- your DS sounds wise beyond his years what a lovely thing to do

Bambi- I think most of us have experience of that.. hospitals become your home, your family, you are there day and often night and then to suddenly be asked to leave- to have no reason to be there- and no baby to visit any more- so sad. We'll hold your hand whenever you need it and whenever you don't as well

Lottie- I bought MOS with pride to see your letter but wasn't in there, they replaced the magazines with the telegraph's but well done. I was getting quite cheesed off that MN has consistent bad press and cheap media stories when actually some really amazing lifelines are here.

its not in the magazine crumpette. Its on the letters page
just inside the back of the paper!!! Have a look!!

oh good was so disappointed!

cant link from the site so will write the letter they printed out here.
(The original that i sent is further down the thread!)
MUMSNET IS ABOUT HELP NOT "BITCHY BICKERING"

I belong to an ongoing thread for bereaved mothers on Mumsnet the website featured in YOU magazine's article on online anger last week. It has been running for nearly two years and was started by one very brave mother after the death of her daughter.
Many mothers myself included have posted thoughtful and helpful comments for those going through their darkest hours. Mumsnet isnt always about "bickering,bitching and bullying. It is also about helping people through most traumatic times.

Gaaaahhhhh. Just having a shit day today.

I don't expect anyone to reply, I just need to get it out.

Saturday just gone was the anniv of C's first transplant. All of last week I was doing the countdown, then somehow on Saturday it didn't even cross my mind. Then on Sunday I noticed that the anniv had passed and I was sort of glad that I hadn't remembered it or let it bother me. There are so many dates and anniv's I could fixate on through the year and because my memory is usually so good I remember them all - which isn't always a good or healthy thing for me I think.

Then I woke up this morning feeling just awful and guilty that I had forgotten the day on Saturday. All day I have felt teary and wretched.

So I took M over to visit C's grave and I guess sort of apologise to C for forgetting. Of course M has no clue what is going on and runs around like a loon. Cue me getting frustrated that I didn't have the time to say what I wanted to say to C, and I start getting snippy with M. It's not his fault at all, it's all me and I feel awful for getting short with him.

We then leave and M waves goodbye to C's grave. It was devastating. Why are we in a position where I have to visit my son's grave and M has to wave goodbye to a mound of earth rather than his big brother?

I just feel so and .

I sincerely hope I wake up feeling better about things tomorrow.

Ilike, we're here and and for you too. It's so horribly unfair. I feel your pain physically reading your post. I hate this world. I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish and hope you can find some peace tomorrow, please don't beat yourself up about the exact dates of things- I'm sure it must be overwhelming at times but I know exactly what you mean, how it is engrained on your mind forever- the date they got ill, the date they were on intensive care, the first transplant, whatever happened next, then all the even worse dates. How many transplants did C have? You don't have to answer that.. as you know I have been feeling so guilty of late because I didn't push for a third but, hey, I can't change things now and if it hadn't worked out, I would have always been berating myself for something, I also think I should have given her part of mine as was suggested at the beginning but they got another one in time- though I did hesitate for a day because I was so overwhelmed, I can never know for sure it wouldn't have worked differently if I had.

I have decided the one thing I really would love to do to reconcile some hurt about L is get a memorial bench for her in the park, I was there virtually every single day that she was well. All the benches have small plaques on them in memory of someone. I asked a local blogger anonymously for tips on how to do it and got the response that the park is 'full' but it's what I really really want to do, so I will try to contact the parks place directly (who wants to bet I get a rude and useless reply from the council- the reply I got after she'd died when I asked about childrens cemeteries was shocking!) ...watch this space...

On Joy and Sorrow- Khalil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
*When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.*

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

We have a six-seater dining room table - tonight at dinner my ds1 (aged 7) pipes up out of the blue (he never talks about his sister): "If Sydney was alive today, she would be sitting in that chair (he points to the sixth empty chair at the table) - we are a family of six, but there are only five of us here." - I couldn't finish my meal.

Oh Nina - talk about out of the mouths of babes.....I personally think that children see things in black or white - they speak the absolute truth without thought - but us adults sometimes only see the grey area - the emotional mess part in between black and white.

Moveit - dont beat yourself up about it darling.....please try not to. I hope tomorrow is a better day for all you mums who are struggling at the moment. Its so hard xxxx

Good morning girls.

che thinking of you and Billie today - will be lighting my candle in respect and with love xxxx

chegirl thinking of you and lighting a candle here in London for your beautiful Billie xxx

Good morning all xxx

chegirl , a candle is lit here in sunny Sussex for Billie today . I hope you manage to find some peace today xxx