The hugely supportive thread in memory of all our twinkling little stars, bobbing sunflowers and dancing butterflies supporting those bereaved by the loss of a child

[peterpansmum]

In memory of our gorgeous Gregor

Do I belong here?

I have 2 grown daughters, 2 grown stepkids and a 20 month old daughter Sydney - our rainbow baby - and I have Jacob born sleeping at term in March 2007. Taken by a cord accident (stupid word) whilst we were in hospital under observation.
I cant lie most of the time life is much better than it was but god some days are hard

Of course you belong here florence, welcome to our haven, where at least one person would have felt every emotion you have - good or bad.

I'm so sorry to hear about your darling Jacob. It's so unfair.

Everyone here has hard days, and this is a great place to come for comfort. We all truly understand.

Hi florencerusty - yes, of course you do.

I am so sorry to hear about your little Jacob (love that name) - you have come to the right place - all of us here are on this crappy road together - please feel free to tell us more about Jacob.

My daughter, also Sydney, died from bacterial meningitis when she was 10 days old - she would have been 12 this year.

Please tell why you call Sydney your rainbow baby.

I can finish what I was in the middle of now (I had to put ds to bed)

Belated birthday wishes NJ, I hope you get more sleep tonight xxx

So sorry to hear about your Grandma lottie.

Glad to hear ds is well PPM. Phew.

Jacob was perfect and weighed 6lb 12oz - his cord was very very long and wrapped around him countless times. He was literally with us while we were on the monitor - I contracted his heartrate dipped they rushed me to delivery and he was gone

You just dont imagine it happens like that and certainly not to me. Fact is it happens to way to many of us.

Syd's the rainbow baby because she came with sunshine during the storm.

I love my big girls endlessly but until Jacob I never quite realised how precious they are. Syd is the light of our lives.

Thank you for the welcome and I am sorry to hear of your losses

Oh Florence of course you are welcome here and very sadly belong here, I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss of Jacob. That's a beautiful name. This is the thread where you can say anything you think or feel and we will all understand, I promise you. We never imagine it will be us. This kind of thing happens to 'other people', and sadly I believe 17 children are born sleeping every day in the UK it's the kind of thing that is so shocking I wouldn't be surprised if you were still in shock, really. I'm so sorry Florence.

I too didn't realise how precious children were until I lost DD (last April) I always thought she'd be around, and I now have a rainbow baby (I have never heard that phrase but I like it!) and although so precious, he doesn't bring her back or lessen the hurt so of course you will still be very sad about Jacob because there is a Jacob sized gap please do stick around Florence. x

I'm off to watch leaders debate (have secret crush on Nick Clegg, no idea why, no relfection of political beliefs- help I have truly gone mad)

Nina, I tried scrubbing the orange just now with a heavy duty body scrub and it's just made it very streaky, no less orange!!! Never again! Trousers it is (if they fit )

Hiya Florence - as I always say 'Im so glad you found us but wish we could meet on a different thread.' You will find support and friendship here - its a very 'different' thread to the normal MN ones - mind you I think we are all very 'different' to Mums who, very luckily for them, have not had to walk this crappy path.

As soon as I saw your words 'rainbow baby' I knew exactly what you meant I lost one of my twin boys in 1982 (at the age of 7 months) and my DS3 in 1992 (when he was almost 8 years). My 'rainbow baby' was DS4 - Tom - born after all the heartbreak and sadness and, incidentally, when I was almost 41!!

I am still the proud Mum of twin boys (Dan and Gareth) 28 yrs old, Matt - almost 26 and Tom - who will be 13 in July and....my first and only Granbaby - Lewis who is 2 in June. OMG I sounded like one of those unreasonable MN MIL's then....sorry Lew is Dan and Emmas son LOL xxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Welcome Florence , I am so sorry to hear about Jacob . Please feel free to talk as much or as little as you like .

I love the phrase rainbow baby . I have never heard it before but it is perfect .

I lost my first son Harry when he was 14 mths old and I have gone on to have two more boys who are now 4 and 6 . They are gorgeous and wonderful but there is still a big hole in our family .

PPM , I am so pleased that you were given ood news at the hospital .

crumpette , I hope you are looking slightly less tango like this morning

tw, I had a 'bright idea' to re-apply it last night in an attempt to make it even and not streaky, so then it would fade evenly

NO no noooo ! Big mistake ! now it's on my hands as well

*pour

agh

oops

Sorry I shouldn't laugh

This is really not going to help with you being anxious about going out is it ?

NO IT'S NOT I was anxious enough before I looked like a mottled oompa loompa! Due to absence of bleaching chemicals I have decided to just stand in the shower for 3 hours.. wish me luck!

Good luck , I hope you don't melt away

Morning everyone and welcome Florence. So sorry to hear about your Jacob. Am also loving your phrase rainbow baby - I'm longing for my rainbow baby but realise I need to sort myself out a bit first. Our DS2 Gregor died aged 2 a year ago of an overwhelming (but scarily common) virus. No illness no warning. My DS1 who's 5.5 keeps me going and has led me an incredible path so far through my grief. Thanks TW it was just hideous being back in that hospital but thankfully it's done now xx

Been for a 3 mile walk this morning after school drop off. Head feeling bit better today. How's everyone else?

Good afternoon everyone. Wow, this is about the 3rd time I've been here in a week!

Welcome Florence. My dd2 was born sleeping in March 2008. We knew before she was born though. I too have a rainbow baby though - dd3 born just 10 months after dd2! She was a very surpirse rainbow baby I can tell you!

When she (dd3) was very little, I used to go to say her name and nearly get it wrong an awful lot, as in I'd think to call her Eris (dd2's name). Don't know if I've ever said that here before? I used to feel awful for it.

Crumpette - not entirely sure why you have dyed yourself orange! Obviously for a particular occasion and obviously not deliberately! I don't know if it works, but in The Wedding Planner J-Lo tells a bride in a similar situation to make a scrub of salt and lemon juice. Maybe worth a try?

Hi all,

so sorry not been around again rl keeps taking over - have so many issues to deal with that it's overwelming at times.
I am having to do a course called Timeout for parent of Juniours and one of the things that they wanted us to do this week was write down all the issues on a peice of paper that had a clown juggling balls on it I watched everyone write theres down looked at the sheet and thought I'm gonna need a few more of these to even touch the surface and promptly burst into tears anyway the parent leasion worker got onto SS who are now looking into respite care for my 3 dc's so I can get some sleep at least once a month/every 6 weeks. SS currently pay for my girls to go to a childminder once a week so we can do 1 on 1 time with DS and when DP has any medical appointments they also fund for the girls to go to the childminders then so we are already known to them etc.

Today 8 years ago was Georgies funeral - only reason i remember the date is due to it being St Georges Day I remember when we were planning it and we were told that it was a weird connection as her name is Georgina female version of George. Hurting all over at mo. I asked DP if we could do something tday anything to get out of the house and he forgot totally forgot. So i spent the day doing the ironing an wanting to cry all the time.

I will try and catch up over the weekend but I doubt that I will as we have soooo much going on. DP has his best friend comming to stay tonignt and they are doing some stuff tom so I will be left with the DC's and Sunday we are going to my friends DS Communion not to the church bit but to the do after, K lost her son before I even had Georgina we met online in another parents forum while we were pg Scott her son who died was born just 1 day before my DS we never lost contact and she was the 1st person I called when Georgina died. It's gonna be so hard for her to see him and I understand that we've only actually ever meet face to face 4 times the 1st time was at Georgina's funeral she has only ever seen DS twice and she cried both times, I've asked and asked her if she is sure about us going and she is insisting we go and bring DS, I don't want to hurt her any more that she already is hurting as Scott's 10th Birthday is on 29th April so it's gonna be hard. any words of advice or wisdom?

xxx

Morning girls xx

Hi all, Wilfs off to Bude tomorrow with his school. Im off out tonight to my lovely friend Lesley's 50th birthday party!!!

Morning ladies. They have printed my letter in the MOS today. They have changed it quite a bit but it is there in print!!

Nice one Lottie x

Morning all xx Had a bit of a rotten weekend here. Been feeling bit down and not helped by a DH who's not been feeling too good therefore not up for doing much anything with v excited ds1 who's been waiting all week to get an inch of time with him. Am in the mood for a good whinge this morning.

How's everyone else doing?

Well done Lottie xx

Sooooo tired - managed to get about 3 hours kip last night - feel anxious and worried about nothing!! Must be the lack of sleep xx

morning all,
Welcome florence sorry to hear about Jacob.
Sorry for the abscence been stressing cos of this bleeding wedding. I think rverything has possibly gone wrong just need to wait for the food, car and H2B not to turn up on the day. I'm currently trying to find myself a dress with just under 2 weeks to go so busy busy as usual although id rather not be. Damn dry clenaers.

...oompa loompa doobedee doo ..

well done lottie

well, so, I survived lunch with DP's father and his wife. However I was unable to reduce my orangeness (whoever considers spending almost £40- yes- that much- on rodial light tan, please reconsider) I showered for hours on end, I scrubbed, I didn't have any lemon juice, feedmenow, I only had orange juice and I didn't dare risk that! Suitable trousers too small for my postpartum backside and so I wore a skirt..

well, I was hoping it wouldn't be too noticeable..

first comment (as I was getting out of the car) 'you're very brown, or is that st tropez?'

I have only met these people once before this - I had to confess and changed subject immediately to 'the weather's been lovely hasn't it'

so, within one day it will be beamed around the world to the entire family that I am chavtastically orange, which is simply not true for 360 days of the year, it just happens that this week I may have been a bit.. other than that DS screeched through lunch and I couldn't breastfeed there so it was a bit awkward, but I survived, and I was happy to hear them count L in their 'we have x number of grandchildren' comment, I did the maths and she was included. I know it's minor but it means a lot to me, because they never met her.

shelleylou- do you have a dress yet at all? 2 weeks! Exciting but nervewracking I bet

AACL I hope SS can help you out a bit more, I am always amazed at the lack of respite care available. I have no words of wisdom for you, I'm sorry. Your friend will find it hard I bet, seeing DS, but there's not a lot you can do about it. It's like whenever I see a 2.5 yo girl (today at lunch) walking and talking in a pretty dress.. I can feel a knife twisting in there because L should be that girl by now. But I would much rather see the girl, although very sad for me, it is nice to see children who are well, iyswim.