Nancy, 2Shoes, Squonk, Sidge etc: Can you move over here please?

[LilRedWG]

The bloody site just deleted another huge message I'd typed on the thread so can we start this new one please so that I'm allowed on?

I'm not retyping as it made me cry the first time around, surfice to say that you are all in my thoughts. xxx

Thank you ladies.

MOS - that is disgusting re the council charges. Busy bodies that they are, they made my cousin take down a small (6inch high) metal fence (flat top, no pointy bits) because they said the workers who tend the grave could do themselves a serious injury and then she would be sued(sp?).

Something I have done ever since I stopped doing the cards (I dont always get home for anniversaries (oct and christmas eve) either) I always have a light shining on the local hospice christmas tree. It costs a suggeted donation of £5, but, you can donate whatever ammount you like. You receive a christmas card saying a light is shining brightly on the tree at * in loving memory of Magics mum and dad.
My dad actually died in the hospice so I like to help out when I can no matter how small. I do fundraising sometimes too.

Thinking of all of you suffering with loss especially at this time of year.

Anastasia - so sorry you are going thru this. The 1st are always the most difficult, christmas is especially hard because everyone around you is so jolly where all you want to do is scream "dont you realise i'm greiving here, how can you be so happy when I can't enjoy".

It is very hard, my mum died christmas eve and all the kids were getting excited, dinners were being prepared, last minute wrapping being done and all the while we were talking to the undertakers arranging her funeral.

Life is so unfair.

Remember your dad in whatever way you feel is right. Perhaps light a candle, mention him at the dinner table, raise a glass, have a good laugh at all his funny points and a good cry if you need. There is no shame in a good cry and sometimes bottling it up makes it a hundred times worse.

Wishing you a peacful christmas. Hope you are ok.

Bookmarking...will return.

Hope everyone is coping.x

hello all, just briefly popping in before I dash out to welcome you new ladies and to say I'm so sorry you are here with us if that makes sense.

Had a choked up moment last night with DD (aged 3) when she asked what nanny would get her for Christmas this year. I explained again that nanny wasn't here and we wouldn't see her again. DD then said that nanny was looking down on us but she wanted to see her too. I still feel gutted that she didn't see my baby boy.

Oh MOS, please have a long distance un-MNly hug from me.

Thanks LilRed, sorry, I'm being all gloomy again, must try to pull myself out of it and put my happy face on for the sake of DC. x

Take it easy on yourself MOS. I'm much the same atm. It's ten months today since Mum died and a year tomorrow since Dad's diagnosis.

I'm trying to put a happy face on it too but it so difficult isn't it.

My god mumoverseas....that is outrageous re: council. Sometimes it never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people can be. So nice that your DD remembers your Mum....I haven't actually broached the subject directly with DS about why Grandma isn't around anymore and he doesn't see her, only Grandad but he still kisses her photograph and Dad has a shrine set up at home where DS will 'talk' to Grandma when we're there and he accepts this [thankfully without question so far!] Also can appreciate how you feel about your Mum not meeting your little boy....I'm pregnant and due in May and the fab news has been a bit tainted what with i) not being able to share the news with Mum and ii) knowing that the new baby will never meet her

Anastasia - know exactly how you feel...we lost Mum at the end of June and at times I can forget and concentrate on making it a good Christmas for DS but mostly I just want to curl up and cry.

Magic - must be so hard this time of year for you....hope you can get through it with your family around you.

I'm trying to think of how we'll remember Mum this xmas...would like to do something that we then carry on - I quite like the idea of getting a tree decoration that is specific to Mum? Anyhow, I think we all need to be kind to ourselves....[maybe I'll take my own advice lol] thanks for listening everyone and sod it....sending you all more un-MN hugs from me too

A year today since Dad's diagnosis. I know I'm being pathetic, but I feel sick.

LilRedWG - you're not being pathetic at all...are you able to have some time to yourself to just be with your thoughts?
I am struggling at the moment too with this being the first Christmas without Mum - I'm very up and down. Thinking of you x

Hi everyone and thinking of you all this Christmas.

This is my first Christmas without Dad; he was nearly 10,000 miles away and we hadn't had a Christmas together in years, but always talked on the phone and sent gifts and cards. I can't believe he's not here this year. I have no grave to visit and nowhere to put a card or gift so don't know how to mark his memory for Christmas

This time last year I was 4 days away from going to Australia to see Dad in the hospice. I left on January 3rd and never saw him again. That was the worst situation in my life.

I miss him so much. My DH is home (military) and my 3 girls are so excited; I am looking forward to it but also have a deep aching sadness.

Thinking of you all and welcome to the new posters; I'm sorry you're here.

LilRed it's not pathetic at all, those anniversaries are so hard. Love to you xxx

Thank you both. Can't stop crying. I want my Mum and Dad so much.

morning ladies,
LilRed I'm so sorry for how you are feeling and send hugs to you.
I know (as I think we all do) how you feel.
Yesterday was a shitty day for me as it was exatly 7 months since mum died and I'm dreading Christmas although 'doing' it for the sake of DD and DS. DD is 3 and its the first time she has really understood Christmas so is of course very excited. DS is 10 months and hasn't got a clue what is going on but adores his big sister and laughs when she laughes. Just feel gutted that mum didn't see him, she would have adored him.

Sidge, I'm sorry you haven't got a grave to visit, that must be really hard. I'll be back to the UK a few days after Christmas and that will be one of the first places I visit.
Could you maybe think about buying a 'memorial bench' (you know one of those wooden ones with a name plaque on) somewhere where you could visit and sit and 'talk' to him?
I'm glad your DH is back and hope you have a nice christmas with the girls.

Boxing day (my birthday) will be exactly a year since I saw mum. We'd had a stressful few days with her staying and I'd give anything to have hugged her an extra time or given her an extra kiss when she left but of course we never know when we will never see them again.

Take care everyone x

Evening ladies. I doubt I will get on here tomorrow, but I wanted to say that I will be raising a glass not only to my Mum and Dad, but to all of your Mums and Dads tomorrow.

I visited my aunt today (Dad's sister). It is her 80th birthday tomorrow (she is two years to the day older than my Dad) and I picked out a gift for her that I know Dad would have liked.

**

Tomorrow, I will also raise a very large glass to you all - you have got me through some horrific times this year with your love, patience and empathy. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

With love, LilRedWG xx

**

Hello all, and welcome to new-comers: I'm so sorry we're all here also, but as Lilred says this thread and support of people who really know, is invaluable. I'm so sorry for all of you that are so tearful I wish you all strength to get through Christmas: I expect I'll have one of my famous migraines. I'm feeling the strain of family expecting me to be the strong one (and believe me, I wasn't made to be the strong one...)

I will raise a glass to all of our dears ones and also to all of you: thank you for your support and empathy. XX

I hope you all have the best Christmas you can.
mine is going well, having MIL here is making it feel normal, I know I will feel od not speaking to my dear dad tommorow, but will use his and sm special wine glasses at lunch.
love to you all
xx

morning everyone, happy christmas to you all, hope we all manage to get through the day ok.
I've just been onto mum and dad's memorial website and made a donation which made me feel that they were not forgotten and I'd got them something for christmas.

We are going to an organised christmas lunch at the cafe on our compound, don't feel up to cooking myself. Will raise a glass (of nasty homebrew due to where we are) in memory of all our missing loved ones xxx

I've just come on to say I'm thinking of you all x

Morning ladies....how is everyone? I'm sad and thought I was managing yesterday until I spoke with Dad, he said he was ok but his voice just sounded so sad. Then later on in the day my nephew wrote something on his facebook page about remembering his Grandma on the first Christmas without her....I just broke down....again! It's lovely to know that he's thinking about her too. I just miss Mum so terribly and wish she was here, wish the hurt would go away. It's been nearly 6mths now and I can't accept that she's really gone forever. The weather has meant that I wasn't able to get home yesterday to the cemetery (I'm not local) and that hurt more than I thought.
A glass was raised and a moment was spared yesterday for us all and our loved ones who are no longer here to share....but who have hopefully moved onto a better place.
Hope everyone managed to get through it and had peaceful xmas. Thanks so much for listening xx

Hi Haribo. I know how you feel, I was pretty low yesterday and just the same today, just can't shake myself out of it. We raised a glass to missing loved ones at lunch yesterday but that just made me even more choked up. Its been 7 months for me now but I can't even begin to accept my lovely mum has gone.
Today is shite. Its my birthday and exactly a year since I saw my wondeful mum and I know if she was here she wouldn't have forgotten my birthday like the rest of my family.
Hugs to everyone x

Happy Birthday mumoverseas....how u doing?
Sorry! I forgot that I namechanged....it's lifesabitch....the emotion keeps coming over me in waves....like many I'm trying to carry on as normal for DS but I keep getting overwhelmed. Thinking of Mum all the time....she loved having the family together....I feel sad that we haven't managed to do it this year....guess the snow was an easy excuse

Hi haribo/lifesa..
Thank you. Having a crap day. DH is being a pig, hasn't even said happy birthday yet. Will forget his next year. I'm going to treat myself later to a present from mum. Got a small inheritance from her last month and going to have 3 hours in Dubai airport tonight so after a quick birthday drink in the pub there I'm going to buy myself a nice piece of jewellery that will always remind me of her, maybe something with her birthstone in it. Will also buy my two DDs a charm bracelet and then split all the charms from mums bracelet between them.

Sorry you had a tough time. It makes me so sad that the few family members I have left will now drift apart now mum and dad are gone.
will you manage to get

Happy birthday mumoverseas

Thank you 2shoes

That's a lovely idea re: jewellery and the charms for your DDs mumoverseas...poo to your DH....try not to let him spoil it....maybe he's got a surprise for later?!
Wishing you a safe and no delay flight home tonight....take it easy while you're here.