Nancy, 2Shoes, Squonk, Sidge etc: Can you move over here please?

[LilRedWG]

The bloody site just deleted another huge message I'd typed on the thread so can we start this new one please so that I'm allowed on?

I'm not retyping as it made me cry the first time around, surfice to say that you are all in my thoughts. xxx

Thank you ladies.

DH was going to go with DD and to be fair there had been no real pressure for me to go (other than self-inflicted) but that is all a moot point now as DD has swine flu, so we are in quarantine for the next week.

DD isn't too bad, but I'm dreading the whole week stuck in the house! Argh!

Sorry am to hear about your LO Lilred: poor things, swine flu: awful. Wish her better.

Thanks for sympathy, I am still have blurred vision but I think the worst is over for a while.

Funny enough I am going with Mum tomorrow to arrange the plaque for Dad's grave. Dad was buried at a lawn cemetery so we have very little choice over the type of plaque as there are strict rules about the type and height. As for the prices I'm not really sure: I can't remember, think around £400 as it can only be very small. I could be completely wrong, mind's bit all over the place atm.

Night all x

LilRed sorry that DD is sick and hope she gets better soon. At least you have a valid excuse not to go now

Nancy hope all goes well today with your mum and the choosing of your dad's plaque.
I have a feeling our gravestone won't be cheap. When dad died, the funeral directors removed the existing stone which was pretty old (around 45 years then) and it was badly worn and they recommended restoring it which I think was going to be in the region of £1,000 so I imagine a new gravestone big enough for all three names and dates etc is going to be pretty expensive.
I know damm well my brothers (well one of them) won't pay a penny towards it so I want to try to get money put aside now to get it done.

Can't believe its less than a month until Christmas. I was dreading it but trying to make it special for DD and DS as its his first. Finished most of the shopping, just have a few more bits to do.
Have decided to set up a memorial page with Great Ormond St Hospital, mum and dad's favourite charity and will make a dontation at Christmas and then on their birthdays so I feel I've done something.
I also take part in the MN christmas/secret santa appeal and its so nice to think that we are doing something for those less fortunate than ourselves. Last year my DC and I bought pressies for 6 children and they helped choose them and send them off and it was lovely reading some of the messages on the 'thank you' page. Really cheers you up.

Hope everyone is doing ok x

Yeah got that a bit wrong, it's £700 before the personalised emblem for which they will need to make a new mould: as for the final price, your guess is as good as mine.

Just bought some cheese foe christmas, can't believe it's coming so soon either but I'm hoping it will lift things a bit. We've got quite a big gathering planned: safety in numbers. Didn't even know about the MN secret santa, but then I am hardly on here any more other than this thread.

MOS - GOSH sounds like a lovely idea.

Nancy - we did consider a plaque for the garden of memory at the crematorium but eventually decided against it as we know where their ashes are and a random plaque amoungst many many others seemed too impersonal.

Know what you mean. Visited the grave yesterday but as it unmarked as yet, it is one of 2 plots . It feels odd standing over these 2 spots and not knowing so we asked the guy to put a marker til we get the plaque.

How's your DD Lilred?

Nancy.

DD is on the mend now thanks. We have antibiotics for her cough if it doesn't clear up in the next day or so.

Glad she's on the mend. Our DD has been ill with a terrible cough and vomiting bug all weekend and no pharmacy wanted to give us cough medicine not even buttercup. I understand why but I am not an idiot I only give it if necessary. So annoying. In the end we had to lie and say she was 7 to get it.(Sorry, off topic) She's stopped being sick finally which is a relief anyway.

Hope you are all ok
x

How's she doing now Nancy?

spoke too soon, sunday she was very sick again before bed and had us up all night so DP took her to GP Monday and now she's on anti-biotics and finally starting to recover. It's such a relief I was laying in bed sunday night thinking what a terrible mother, not taking her to the doctor's: her cough was so bad we had to prop her up with cushions and sit her up all night. Needless to say non of us got much sleep Sunday. Thanks for asking. Is your daughter all better now?

You are not abad mother - it is so hard to tell how bad they are sometimes.

DD is fighting fit again thanks.

Sorry I missed this thread and just started another(I will ask for it to be deleted) I posted this......

How are you all. I haven't been on the old thread much, tbh just try to get on with it..........but it is hard, I keep thinking of this time last year.
poor old dad was so unwell, but no one knew what was wrong. then at christmas my DB and SIL brought him over for the day, he and his friend were a pain(inser smile) but it was a lovely day, ds put the xbox on and DB,SIL and he played on it.
it was one of those so rare lovely funny/sad days.
at that was it, last good memorie.
DB isn't coming up this christmas, so I won't have him or Dadsad
MIL is comming so not all bad, but how odd will it all be.

(will read this thread now)

Nancy, so sorry to read your DD has been so ill and hope she is a little better now.

LilRed glad your DD is better

2shoes our christmas will be pretty odd this year too but at least you have the bonus of no MIL. I've told DH I'm never going to see his parents again after the way they've behaved over recent years. When we are back in the UK at the end of December I've told him he can drop me at Bluewater for a few hours and take the DC to go and see them as they live near there.
PS, thanks for sticking up for me on another thread a week or so ago. Hopefully you know my criticism of MYSELF wasn't intended to offend anyone else

Hope everyone else is doing ok. DH and I went away for a few days last week for a much needed break. Added bonus was the free kids club that not only took DD aged 3 but also DS 10 months so a HUGE plus and we actually got time to relax.

Doesn't feel very christmassy here. DD has a party at her nursery today and a christmas party tonight on the compound so I will have to force myself to get in the mood for it. Not sure I can be bothered to cook a christmas lunch this year but someone has organised a christmas lunch in the cafe here on compound so might go to that. I can still 'see' my mum sitting at our table last year

lovely idea on a thread here

Thank you for that 2shoes - I'll be joining in. x

hello all, just checking in to see how everyone is doing in the run up to the 'festive' season.

Just seen a post from a lady called freedom who has just lost her mum on Monday. She is obviously lost and lonely and I've invited her to join us, hope that is ok. We all know that awful feeling when we feel we have no one to talk to.

Have been somewhat distracted the last few days due to the BA situation. We were due to fly home (to DC1 and 2) on the 27th so have had a hellish few days. Eventually we were advised by our travel agents that if we 'had to get home' we should book alternate flights which we did. Now they've called if off [agghh]
sorry, vent over.

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

Oh poor Freedom. Of course she'll be welcome over here.

Hi All, can I join you too? I lurked/posted once I think on the previous thread but then I lost you!
Have been struggling a bit lately - Mum passed away in June and I thought I was doing ok but am quite emotional/hormonal at the mo anyway as I'm pregnant, so just going through a lot of 'firsts' without Mum ie being pg is the first big news I've not been able to share with mum and now our first Christmas without her is going to be hard which I hadn't quite realised how it would affect me. It's all the small things, like not getting her a present or getting a 'mum & dad' card - I've told dad I can't bear just getting a 'dad' card. Have also had to deal with a few issues re: crappy things happening to friends too - a miscarriage, a sibling suicide and a life saving operation, so [selfishly] feel drained from supporting friends.
Dad wants to get the headstone sorted which will be good as it feels so insignificant to visit the grave with just the marker stone there but at the same time, it seems so final. I still can't believe she's really gone and miss her terribly.

Nancy - hope your dd feels better soon.
mumoverseas - hope you manage to get your flights sorted and can get back.

Take care everyone....

lifesabitch welcome, just sorry you are joining us under these crappy circumstances.
Mum died in May so we are pretty much in the same boat.
I lost dad 5 years ago and mum developed ostrich syndrome and wouldn't discuss a gravestone (family grave and mum and dad's first son who died when he was 3 is buried in it too) I hate visiting and there not being a proper marker, just a little metal name tag.
Now mum has gone too I can finally do something (wasn't allowed before without her permission) I was told we couldn't have a gravestone put up until around 1 year as the ground had to settle but I'm going to look inot ordering it and deciding on the wording when I'm back in the UK in the next few weeks.

I know what you mean about the presents/card thing. There was a thread on Christmas yesterday about what you buy your mum for christmas which had me in tears. Mum and dad were lifelong supporters of Great Ormond St where my DB had been before he died so I set up a memorial page last week. I dontated christmas card money instead of sending them to everyone and on Christmas day will make another dontation in mum and dad's memory. Makes me feel they are not forgotten. If I was in the UK for Christmas I'd visit them and put flowers on their grave but will do that a few days later when I'm back. When I was back in the summer I planted some tulip and daffodil bulbs and some heathers so hopefully in the spring it will look nice.

I'm sorry you've had such a crap time but we are always here to listen. I've found this thread and the previous one a lifeline x

Welcome lifesabitch. Like MOS, I'm sorry that you have to join us but I agree wholeheartedly that the thread is a lifesaver sometimes.

Can I join in too pls?

Not the best place in the world everyone wants to join, but, sadly there are too many of us in the same boat.

I know it's easy to say, but, things do get better over time. Then hurt never goes away and it can jump up and bite you when you are least expecting it no matter how long it's been.

At the begining when my mum died I personally found when it came to birthday/mothers day/easter and christmas that buying a card and covering it in plastic freezer bag/celophane etc to protect it and placing it on the grave quite comforting. I went more for the thinking of you ones rather than the merry christmas ones etc. For me it meant I still got her something. Did the same when dad died too.

Have stopped the cards now (dont know why really, maybe coping better) but, always lay flowers and give the stone a good clean when i'm home, Simple things.

I feel like a clown when singing christmas songs in playgroups and I always well up. This time of year is always worse.

Thanks mumoverseas and LilRed....

That's a lovely idea mumoverseas re: GOSH - we were told at least 6mths for the ground to settle but the weather has been so wet that I think it's too soon. My siblings are now arguing over cost as we'll all contribute....I just need to try and get through xmas first
I like the idea of planting some flowers - do you mean at the cemetery or your UK home? Do you need to ask permission? Mum loved flowers so am sure she'd like that.

Hi magic....I agree there are unfortunately too many of us who have lost our lovely mums/dads

I'm not near the cemetery so will visit with flowers when I'm home next but was wondering what to do on xmas day to remember her - have read other threads about stars and lanterns etc.

hi magicofchristmas and lifesabitch. Sorry we are all here in the same shitty boat.

Hadn't thought about putting cards on the grave, might consider that but problem is, I will rarely be 'home' for their birthdays/anniversarys as I'm living abroad.

lifesabitch ref plants, I planted them on their grave but also put some 'matching' plants in my garden in the UK. Not sure if they'd grow ok out here as a bit hot. Didn't ask anyone permission and god help them if they say I can't. It was bad enough the buggers at the local council charging double to open the grave to put mum in as she'd moved out of area before she died. Mum and dad owned the grave for over 50 years having bought it when DB died when 3. Bloody council then nearly buggered up mum's funeral in June as they said that she couldn't be buried in the family grave as it was in dad's name and he had to give permission. Err hello you council twats, he is dead and in the grave, how the f* can he sign a bit of paper! God I was so mad at the silly arses. And breathe.....

Not sure what I'll do on Christmas day here. I read somewhere about putting a black decoration on the tree in their memory but can't really get decorations out here so will have to think.

Think we'll all be raising a glass to missing loved ones on here that day though.

Hope everyone is coping as best we all can in this 'festive' season.

Finding it very tough here and thinking of all you lovely ladies. x

Hi is it ok if I join you all on this thread - been feeling really crappy today - not in the least bit festive. Lost my dad in July-after heart bypass.

Struggled along with things for sake of teenage daughter and dh. Writing cards, present buying, festive work drinks etc etc. Feel I have had enough now. Feel I want to go somewhere and hide - until the new year. Fed up of putting on a brave face for things - keep thinking at the back of my mind - but my dad is dead.

Love and hugs to others who have lost loved ones.