The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

I am glad xxx on both counts

morning all,
the 2 hours to yourself is lovely isnt it TW. i get a little less than that cos of the distance to preschool but i still love it.

I think everyones having a down days lately. I always wanted something vaguely positive to come from dbs death. I've asked dp if we can not have a traditional giftlist (nothing we really want anyway) and if we can ask people for donations for charity. He's agreed not sure if its just because he knows it would me a lot to me or not.

Daisy is a beautiful name LF. I think you're very brave to be going to your NCT mums meet-up, and I'm sure they will all look after you. Im' sure it won't be at all easy though (I am the master of the crashing under-statement).

As ever in the face of such awful loss I have no words, but I am wishing you well and thinking of you. x

Glad you joined us LF - just wish we were all talking together on a different thread....so very sorry to hear about Daisy. No death so sad as that of a child...all hopes and dreams seem to vanish and it seems like they will never come back - but they will.

xxx

What about going to see your friends but explaining to them that you may have to leave early? Be prepared for people not knowing what to say and then saying the most ridiculous things and if you need to cry please dont hold it back. xx

Welcome LF , I am so sorry to hear about Daisy (agree it is a lovely name )

I agree with the others that you are being really brave , I would def talk to whoever is organising the meet up first , maybe have a secret signal that you can give her if it all gets too much for you . That way you know you can escape if needs be . I know if I had a plan before things I tended not to need to run away , just knowing I could generally got me through .

The one word of caution I would say and I really don't know how to say it without coming across badly is that some of the mums may well cling on to their babies a bit when you are around . I found people would always either assume I wouldn't want to hold their baby so wouldn't offer or they would be worried I would sob all over it . Hopefully your friends will be more sensitive but just wanted to warn you how I had found these things sometimes .

Good luck and please let us know how you get on .

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/892444-Our-safe-haven-thread-for-bereaved-mums-and-anyone-wh o?rnd=1263293586716 Hope this is ok for everybody. We still have a few messages left on this thread though - thank you girls - you are true friends xx

Sorry girls, will try that again

LF - my eldest son (now 28 years old) was bereaved of two of his brothers. He has become the most amazing man - loving, compassionate, funny, hard working and a wonderful Daddy. He said to me, at Christmas, that he thinks the loss of his brothers has somehow made him the man he is now. We have always talked and been open and honest with each other. xx

Thank you - it has taken me a long time to get 'here' - wherever the hell 'here' is I think it is because I have other children and they need me to keep going for them. Still long to see my Matt and Gareth though - don't think that longing will ever go away xx

Good luck LF - hope you have a good day xx

Good Luck LF , I hope it goes well x

Just wanted to thank you TW for this thread - I think it has got us all through Christmas and the New Year. Thanks to everybody for your kind words, help and the occasional kick up the rear end would be lost without all of you xxx

You beat me too it Shabs

I wanted to say thank you to all of you too , it is nice to not feel so alone (although I would love it if no one ever had to feel the way I did iykwim)

Oh I am so glad that it wasn't as bad today as you thought it was going to be.

I really believe that you explaining things to your DD is the right thing to do. You are teaching her that in a terrible situation even grown ups are allowed to cry and 'loose the plot.' You are teaching her that sometimes in life things go very very wrong but we can, eventually, deal with things and recover - although we will never forget. You are giving her just the most amazing lessons in life without either of you even realising. It will make her an amazing adult - well done you xxxx

When the thread gets to 1,000 messages jump over to the new one - we cant half talk us lot

i agree with shabs it is right to explain to dc's. They can have so much compassion and although they may not understand completely its good for them to know that you can be sad and cry. I had to tell my ds (2.11) that my db was dead within minutes of finding out myself as ds asked for him. Its now nearly 3 months since that awful day but ds tells me im sad dont cry mummy and gets tissues to wipe my eyes with. He knows we cant see db again and everynight when he goes to bed he looks towards his bedroom window and says 'Loving you uncle M' or i love you M. Its really sweet he also talks about him in a normal way M doing this or hes wearing that and so on. He does also say he's in the sky