The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

Perhaps love - John Denver

My DH has always loved John Denver - he used to sing all the songs to our sons when they were little (before they were born to be honest!!) I found this tonight and I think it speaks volumes - our love for our children and siblings is never ending. xx

Morning girls xx

Good morning all x
Bleurgh ! I feel yucky shmucky .

Know exactly what you mean TW - I drank too much last night and had a revolting donner kebab from our local takeaway - it tasted fantastic last night but this morning I could chuck up!!! I will never learn

Tom fell asleep lay in the bath last night!!! It went very quiet and when I went up he was lying there Think PE (double PE at that) had just about finished him off

likewise got a damn cold .

Aw bless him, must have been completely worn out

I slept on it .. and decided if I faced mum she would get all defensive , we would end up falling out and I would be the one in bits and not her.. so its not worth it. I am going to let it lie for a while and see what happens.

Anyway.. I am thinking both Everlong and Ilike must be having a hard time today.. how are you both holding up??

Got anything planned for the next few special days?

Its miserable here so I hope it brightens up for guy fawkes later..

FM - I remember my Mum doing something very similar. Not long after Matt was killed we had friends visiting us from South Wales. I invited them to stay with us. I can remember my house was an absolute tip - not just untidy but really mucky. I couldn't be arsed bothered with it.

Many, many years later we went to South Wales to stay with them. The first night there we went down to the pub. At stupid past beer o'clock my friend said....'When we came to stay with you your Mam rang me and said 'Come and stay here with us our Shabba's house is a dirty mess you would be much more comfy here'. My friend said it in a 'taking the mickey way' but it hurt so badly I felt my Mam had shoved a knife through my heart. I also know she would never intentionally hurt me. We have never, ever spoken about it.

Its just another one of those 'elephant in the room' moments.

I cant believe its been a week since the last time i saw db, however much he'd changed

Shelley - I know what you mean....sometimes it seems like my boys went a few days ago and other times they seem to have somehow never existed.

Was his funeral a week ago today, so i saw him in the morning for the last time. Still doesnt seam real expect him to text or come home and his bike be in my garden.
I can kind of understand that. My heads all fuzzy today

hello, haven't been on MN in a while really and haven't caught up with the last part of the other thread, am bit rubbish

just thought I'd drop in and say, um, hello x

evening girlsx

shelleylou, sorry to hear about your db. I think it is likely to feel very surreal for quite a while

frasersmummy I haven't seen my mother since my grandmother's funeral in the summer, a couple months after dd died. I don't get on with her, and things she has said about dd dying.... and her wishes for dd to die before she even had (when she was in hospital) ooh I am so angry with her still. DP has a similar attitude to your mum, that L doesn't need to be thought about or spoken of! I think to be fair he finds it upsetting, but that's not how it comes across, he doesn't want photos visible and doesn't want to know...

so glad this thread is here !

Hi Crumpette

Thanks for thinking of me FM. Todays has been a bit shit really. It was the 5th Nov that we made the decision to withdraw all further medical care. I remember dh and I walking back to the house we were staying in and the fireworks were going off in the sky and we were just in a numb state of shock. We were coming to terms with our decision and what it meant for C, and also had the awful task of phoning our families and telling them to come and see C for the last time.

God, I'm just sitting here sobbing replaying it all through my mind.

I don't really think I can ever enjoy fireworks night ever again. And oh the irony we are going to a family firework party on C's remember day. Part of me wants to go so I can remember and celebrate C and also I know M will love them. The other part of me wants to not get out of bed and just tell everybody to fuck off and leave me alone.

Oh, it's just a load of fucking shit isn't it?

Enough sbout me, if you're about Everlong, just so you know I'll be thinking of you and Oliver tomorrow and lighting a candle in rememberance xxx

Hello everyone. Sorry I havent been around. Been thinking bout you all though.

Ilike I remember having to make that decision too. I remember having to tell DD that she wasnt going to get better. I remember having to tell everyone and having to listen to the 'you shouldnt give up on her', 'you should pray for a miracle' . My OH told them 'I did, she is her, DD is my miracle'

Why do people think they wanted her to live more than we did?

Just a quick hello. I have thought a lot about all our lovely boys and girls this last few days - perhaps it's the nights drawing in.
Special thoughts for Everlong and Ilike.
My F always loved fireworks, as long as we were safe from the noise - something else to make life sad...

aww Ilike I have no words {{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}

Shelly lou your grief is sooo new you have so many emtions to get through disbelief is just the start I am afraid... but please keep posting them on here..we all understand.

You will find that whatever you post someone on here will post back and say..oh yes I felt that way too or that happened to me. Makes you feel soo much less isolated

Evening my friends. Sending my love to all of you xxxx

.Sorry i havent posted sooner today its been very raw. My mum asked me if i wanted db's certificate from ds's christening which had me in tears and had my other db and his gf round this evening as obv its hard for him too.
does anyone mind if i post the poem i read to my db, not as insiteful as what has been posted but my db through and through

Good morning girls. Shelley I would love to see the poem xx

Good morning all

Ilike what painful memories for you . What an awful thing to have to decide , not that there was much choice by then I am sure . Being a grown up sucks sometimes eh ?

Everlong , you and Oliver will be in my thoughts today and a candle will be lit here in not so sunny Sussex xx

Shelley I would also love to hear the poem

Lighting a candle here in Lancashire for you Everlong and Oli xxxxxxx

ILiketomoveit, I have just popped on to say I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I can't imagine what an unbelievably shitty time of year this must be for you - and the fact its bonfire night is such a symbolic reminder of having to make the worst decision in the world.

And everlong, lots of thoughts for you today too. xx

everlong candle lit here in cold yorkshire ,thinking of you and oli.
ilike thinking of you .
god weather crap and cold ,god to have the sun x