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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

998 replies

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2009 10:43

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

OP posts:
shelleylou · 04/01/2010 15:23

thanks ilike. Went to see him again yesterday. Although he is still in quite a bit of pain and his lung hadn't reinflated he is more himself. He's hoping he'll be discharged today but im not sure will have to wait till i get my update from mum in a little while.
Abi i will also light a candle and have a drink for you tomorrow. The meal sounds lovely

Original poster
travellingwilbury · 04/01/2010 15:52

Going for a meal sounds like a lovely idea and I def recommend shouting at the sea . We used to go to Littlehampton especially on really cold and windy days and I found it really helped .

Shelley it sounds like your brother has turned a corner , I am really pleased for you , it must be such a stressful time for you all x

OP posts:
shelleylou · 04/01/2010 16:36

yes he has hes with it today rather than being doped on a cocktail of painkillers. Thanks it is, i was terrified of losing him on new years day.

hazygirl · 04/01/2010 20:35

abi a candle will be lit here in yorkshire,will be thinking of you all,we will all be holding your hand and raise a glass to your precious baby son

shabbapinkfrog · 05/01/2010 06:53

Good morning girls - candle already lit here for you and your family Abi xxxx

I have woken up to at least 5 inches of new snow on top of sheets of ice - it is losing its appeal to be honest.

shelleylou · 05/01/2010 08:10

morning, i shal light a candle after ive taken ds to preschool (first day today).
I've woken up to snow too nowhere near as much as you have shabs

Original poster
travellingwilbury · 05/01/2010 09:28

Good morning all , a candle is lit here for Archie xx

Good luck with pre school this morning Shelley . My little one has stayed at home today , he was so upset about going in today so I wimped out and let him stay home
rods and backs and all that

OP posts:
shelleylou · 05/01/2010 10:47

He went in fine couldnt wait to go. I managed to get a kiss and a bye so im please. Thats as much as i was expecting. Aww bless him the one ds is going to is quite good i could stay with him for a little while or the session. Mean mummy that i am took him in made sure his key worker was aware of db's death ds was already playing went and said bye to him and left. He's been bugging me for months to go school though. Theres always tomorrow

shelleylou · 05/01/2010 10:49

Argh now have to calm myself down a bit before going to pick him up. I'm panicing a bit now as mums just told me that db has to have his tube moved and the doctors think theres something wrong with his lung as its not inflating. >>

Original poster
travellingwilbury · 05/01/2010 10:53

Shelley I am keeping everything crossed for you and your brother xx

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 05/01/2010 11:06

Thinking about you Shelley....thats one of the major problems with bereavement - we always and forever think something awful is going to happen with our loved ones. xxxx

Original poster
travellingwilbury · 05/01/2010 11:36

I agree Shabs , one of the hardest things is that loss of hope that everything will be ok .

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ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 05/01/2010 11:54

Thinking of you all today AbiAbi. A candle is burning here for your darling Archie xxx

hazygirl · 05/01/2010 13:51

candles lit and thinking of you abiabi, i wish i knew what to say but its not easy xh

shelleylou · 05/01/2010 14:44

im trying to be positive but hard to be when hess told me hes scared of dying. Just hoping his lung inflates before friday so he doesnt have to have the op. His fear comes from that. Sorry to go on and thanks for your thoughts

Original poster
travellingwilbury · 05/01/2010 18:05

Shelley , how you doing ? I hope you have had some good news on your brother . It is a really good sign that they are giving him till Friday before they operate .

Abiabi , I hope today has gone as well as it can do and that you are doing ok x You have been in my thoughts all day .

OP posts:
shelleylou · 05/01/2010 19:14

Im working on no news is no news. If there was something i urgently needed to know mum would have phoned me between visitng hours. Will get an update sometime after 8.30. I assume its because it will be a week since his lung collapsed on friday. Brother isnt hopeful as the drain, then drain and pump strategies should have worked by now. He told me earlier he wanted to say goodbye to everyone on friday before he is transferred to the other hospital for op

Original poster
travellingwilbury · 05/01/2010 19:44

Shelley I really hope you get good news soon . It is understandable that your brother is not feeling hopeful , but that won't have any affect on what happens . I ended up in hospital with a really bad ear infection and had to have an op and I really thought that was it but I was fine and dandy . It is just so hard to be optimistic after losing someone so close xxx

OP posts:
shelleylou · 05/01/2010 19:51

I can understand his worry but reading it really got to me and i just thought no i cant lose them both. I told him not to be daft. DB tried ringing while i put ds to bed so will phone him back when visiting hour is over with.

AbiAbi · 05/01/2010 22:17

Hey ladies.

The service today went well - all your love and positive energy was felt; believe me. It was beautiful, and now he is free. Hoping tomorrow is a snow day so I have an excuse to stay in bed

Abs

xx

Original poster
travellingwilbury · 06/01/2010 06:24

Good morning all

Abi I am really pleased everything went ok , it is def a snow day here so hoping for the same for you xx

Shelley , hopefully you got to speak to your brother and all is calmer . I have got everything crossed for you xx

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shelleylou · 06/01/2010 07:54

Just thought id update as internet went dodgy last night. His lung was inflated the drain is causing some friction burns on it hes having another xray today and if its still inflated then he could well be home later on. If its gone down again ts straight to the other hospital for an op. Its strange how things can improve so drastically in a few hours. Thanks for keeeping me sane.

I'm pleased things went ok abi. I dont have a snow day so will have to hurry ds along to get to preschool.

shabbapinkfrog · 06/01/2010 08:59

Morning girls xx

crumpette · 06/01/2010 17:56

Hello all,

fm I have never heard that definition of fine!!! Brilliant and so true

abi, hope you're doing OK today.

so, today is due date... and my birthday... and no baby has arrived. Saw mw who wants me to be induced for various reasons, I'm booked in at the hospital where DD was treated and died. Have to go on Friday to see consultant. Dreading it!

I'm starting to realise it's not even 9 months since she died until this sunday/monday... getting a bit freaked out by the dates (definitely was not having sex back then!) also realised, I think I was expecting DD to 'come back' magically as new baby exactly the same as she was.. and of course she won't come back..and of course I don't actually want a new different baby at all I only want her...all a bit strange!

Anyway otherwise no news, no signs of labour, not even a slight twinge DP still being PITA, argh..

off to eat obscene amount of pineapple in attempt to start something!

crumpette · 06/01/2010 18:02

wtf??? sorry!!! I don't know how I managed that!! I wrote shuffles off to eat obscene amount of pineapple!

It's not a link! [doh]

shelley just been reading about your brother, thinking of you. It's inevitable that you and he will fear the worst so soon after such a tragedy but it sounds like he should be OK. Easier said than felt, right...