The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

gosh dee not longer to go,my granchild is due 18th april, so four weeks and be half way

Hey girls

Crappy week. DH was made redundant so very stressed - particularly as he didn't see it coming at all . Everything we have here is based on his job: our visa's, the house, the school places/fees, our car.

So one way or the other there are going to big changes this next month. Don't know how I am going to cope.

Oh TBM - Im so sorry about the job - so sorry - its hard enough without all that stress as well. Really hope things soon improve for you. Sending love xxxx

Thanks Shabs - do you know what this has been a really really rubbish year - there has just been bad news after bad news since it began.

If I'd started a diary back in January people wouldn't have believed this could be real life. I wouldn't have - Back then I used to think how fortunate I was that nothing bad had ever happened to me. Someone decided to teach me a big lesson this year.

I'm trying to be positive and stay strong for DH who feels terrible and is worrying that he has let me and the DC's down and focus on the fact that if worst came to worst I could at least go back to my job as I'm on a career break so we're not going to starve but hardly ideal.

We always have money worries and then I have to have a word with myself. I always think.....'I've lived through much, much worse things. I'm just about holding my head above water - this is just money - it would be great to have plenty but we havent' We, somehow, always make it through. You will work it out love just seems like the whole world is against us sometimes doesn't it? xxxxxxxx

You're right in the scheme of things this doesn't actually matter.

Would just like a quiet couple of months - no dramas good or bad. Just everyday boring routine!

Tinkerbelle , I am really sorry to hear about your dhs job . It is so shite to even have to think about money or any added stress when we are going through such bloody pain .

It will all work out and you as a family will get through but you shouldn't have to xx

Morning girls xx

Good morning , I feel nearly human today for the first time in a while

Im glad TW xx

morning girls,hope everyone okxx

Evening all , how is everyone doing ?

can i just scream?

Go for it Shelley Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh OK I started it off you finish it Screaming, ranting, laughter, sobbing, being pissed drunk etc etc - all these and more can be done here

Im going up to my mates house for a few hundred glasses of cider apple juice. Sorry in advance for any late night drunken rampaging that goes on when I get back at stupid oclock xxx

Scream away Shelley xxx

Have fun tonight Shabs and I will look forward to reading your ramblings in the morning I have already got the vodka open so I am way ahead of you xx

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
fucking arsewiupe fuckface. a few expletives thrown in for good measure. Kind of unrelated to db but not iykwim

have fun shabs..
my vodka is open from the other day as soon as ds is in bed im pouring a large one or may have the lonely can of lager first

Would it help to have a rant ?

I can remember doing a lot of screaming in the early days and wanting to punch a lot of people as well . In fact I kind of wished I had taken my chance while I had it to give a few people a slap .

hehe ive had that people telling me shit happens.

The man that calls himself ds's dad has been texting to ask how ds and i are a lot more than usual since the 26th (day he found out that my db was dead). He's text again today making me even more suspicious to then ask if we can cancel the CSA and he'll pay me £25 a week. Not giving me a say in the amount. Cos ive said no hes tried emotionally blackmailing me 'tell ds i love him cause i wont see him again i cant afford it'. This is the person who hasnt seen ds for a year barely contacts to see how he is and then tries to manipulate me into getting his own way knowing im vulnrable atm after db's death.

He sounds like a sod , but I guess you have already figured that out . I have to say I kind of found it helped to have someone to be completely pissed off with and I think he could be your man .

thanks love vodka hehe. Said to mum earlier i need a new drink thats me as mum cant drink it if i ever need toasting.

Ye i had, i was waiting for him or his mum to try use my current vulnrability against me. He pisses me of be being near me but that doesnt happen so wil have to settle for any contact either of them makes. Dont think either of them will be coming at any point this month to see ds after his birthday. He definuitely isn't not introducing him to ds for him to sod off

TW!!! are you trying to get me intoxicated??

It worked for me

Sorry I am a bad influence

Have you eaten ? You are not allowed any more till after dinner x

i had dinner earlier with ds. No your not a bad influence all i really feel like doing atm. I am good though and dont drink constantly or everyday for that matter now.