Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

Morning all, and thanks for your lovely welcome messages x.

Dee - just to say am thinking of you today x.

Tinkerbelle - know how you feel about the school gates, people can be very unsure of what to say. I did end up somedays comforting them when they started crying or looked really horrified (they would say oh where is baby and I would explain he was dead - cue them and dumb comments eg, "um, oh well it's just natures way"). You are doing great getting there every day, keep strong x.

Peterpansmum - I have had counselling several times and with variable results, a lot does depend on how you get on with the person you are seeing. My first counsellor (straight after Cals death) was a great help, as was the SANDS support group but in a different way.

No, they weren't born today, they were born on the 9th, but today was the day i went into labour with them.

Oh love....still lit my candle anyway...thinking about you xxx

Thank you Shabs x

Just wondering if it'd be a good idea to have a list of important dates for us all to list on, so we'd never miss one accidentally?

It could be put at the start of every new thread and added to as and when?

I hope I'm not intruding, I would like to just leave a gentle hug for Deemented.

((hug))

Thanks, Dizzy x

thanks girls,dont enjoy it nowadays its too close,dee big hugs to you my dear ,thinking of you its not an easy day for you,but we are all with you.
well i got a cake and put them candles on that re light themselves,so anyone for a piece of salavered on cake ,ha haxx

ooh fm wanders in just in time for cake (nothing new there then)happy b/day hazy

dee I have been thinking of you all day .. hope today was as peaceful as it could be

I called sands once and they guy I got spent 40 mins telling me about his daughter and I spent it saying oh thats a shame, oh thats sad, I am sorry to hear that

We also had a sands befriender in the work and when I met with her, she kept telling me how hard it was for her to hear my story

I know some people find it really helpful but both times I just felt theyh were saying they were sadder than me

Its a lovely corner of mn isnt it Tinkerbell. I would be lost without it

Its been a funny old day....took Tom to the barbers just around the corner from us. We decided to walk Lewis around there with us. We waited for about an hour because they were so busy. Lewis started to get very bored and Tom said 'why dont you go back to the house Mum I will walk back myself (its about 100 yards away.)

I felt un-easy about it but told him to mind the road etc etc. When I came out there were about 20 young Asian lads outside the shop. I didnt want to walk through the middle of them.

When I got in I asked DH to walk down and wait for Tom and then bring him home.

I could hear Police sirens and started to panic. A couple of mini buses of Asian lads from another area had pulled up outside the barbers and started a massive fight with our local lads. Baseball bats, bottles etc etc. The three barbers had blocked the way into their shop and Tom, bless him, had jumped out of the chair and was hiding under their worktops.

DH ran when he saw the fighting - he said it was terrifying - remember this was about 2pm today He got to the shop and couldnt see tom and then realised where he was.

Now he is very quiet, even though we have discussed it at length...he is also dreading the first day in Year 8 at borstal high school. I was I could afford to live in a better area.

Oh Shabs - that must have been awful for him. How terrifying, but it sounds like he handled it really well.

Thank you all for thinking of me today. I guess it Wednesday though when i'll need you guys most. Boyo's having a birthday party in the afternoon, and i have to paint that smile on again... whilst inside i'll be screaming that there should be two of them blowing the candles out.

An it doesn't help that DP's ex is being a fuckmuppet at the moment. She's demanded that he have his son til Weds - basicly she only lets DP see him when it suits her - but won't let DP bring him anywhere near me So just when i need him the most, DP can't be with me.

arsehole awful woman!! My worst was Dannys 21st birthday...because he and Gareth were born on the 28th December there was never enough money in the pot for a party.

We gave him the party to end all parties on his 21st. It was a very bittersweet night. Me and my brother on karaoke singing Beatles songs and making my Mam cry. Danny had the last dance of the night with my Mam which made her weep buckets.

It was all about 'the elephant in the room' (dont know if you had read that poem) we all wanted to talk about Gareth but didn't want to upset Danny.

sending massive love to you Dee xxxx

The elephant in the room

shabs thats awful so glad tom is ok,its awful i hate violence ,so bloody pointless.

Good morning everyone xx

Shabs that sounds awful , thank goodness Tom is ok . I hope the lads who caused all the trouble get what is coming to them .

Dee , I hope you are doing ok this morning , it must be doubly hard to get through these days without your dps support xx

Happy belated birthday Hazy , I know they don't mean so much nowadays but I hope you had an ok day xx

ppm , I have had councelling and in my case it definetly helped . The best one was a psychotherapist that I saw , I found it really helpful to have that hour a week where I could talk about Harry without having to support someone else and also where I could be completely honest about how I was really feeling .
You do have to like the person though , if you meet them and don't click after a session or two you are well within your rights to ask for a different person . They are used to this happening and will not take it poersonally .

Tom got to sleep at about 3am I ended up in his bed with him - not done that for many years. I forgot to turn my alarm off so now I have been up since about 7.

His first day back at school today - keeping everything crossed for a better school year than last year.

Hope it goes well, Shabbs.

I'm really not a morning person at all... but since DD came along i've learnt to be...

Lovely pic on FBook Dee xxxx

Everything will be ok - we have no other options except to live in the area we live in and Tom to go to school at the one he does - so, we will get on with it. Bloody hard at times though xxxxx

Give boyo a hug from me and tell him 'Good luck' xxx

Ta Shabs x

Morning all xx

I know I haven't had twins so cannot begin to understand that part of your pain Dee (and Shabs) but I share the pain of birthday parties (DS2 died just a week after his 2nd bday party which he and 3 wee pals spent building a snowman in the garden)- on our DS1's 5th Bday a few weeks ago we gave him a party but as every other day its total bittersweet as someone was missing - someone will always be missing - sending you all a big hug. I find birthday parties really difficult now. Will be thinking of you tomorrow Dee xx

Love the poem Shabs - A really good friend gave me this one which is currently stuck to my fridge and helps me so thought I'd share it. Good luck with Tom's first day back xx

www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/edgar-guest.html
(Sorry, don't know how to make that into a link - hope it works!!)

Thanks for all your comments re counselling - I think I'm apprehensive for good reason.

Morning PPM - when you get your title for the link put and then round either end of it. Dont do any gaps like I did. On my keyboard the [ and the ] are next door to the letter P.

OMG that all sounds as clear as mud!!

Shabs - hope Toms first day back at school goes well .

DS's first day at big school tomorrow - my little baby all grown up

Thanks Tinks - he has just set off now - on the first day the older kids go in at 10. He had a tough year last year Tinks. Lot of verbal bullying and one or two teachers calling him a 'loner.' He is very bright but quite shy. I could cry at the thought of another year of crap for him and I hope that he is ok. The High school he goes to has 2,200 pupils and is really rough and ready. Have been 'talking' to Matt and Gareth and asking them to look after him. xxx

I hope Tom has a good day (and a better year).

I think Dee's suggestion for the list of dates sounds really good. Will be thinking of you tomorrow Dee, I will light a candle for Ciaran and hope his brother enjoys his party x Like peterpansmum I can't imagine what it's like for those of you who've lost a twin.

PPM good luck with your counselling, I haven't had any specific bereavement counselling but my DH has and it's helped him. I see my community nurse every couple of weeks (I have a history of bad depression) and I bend his ear instead. He's been great too.

Love to all x

What do you reckon to putting your childrens birthdays and 'remember' days on here. If you want I will write them all down and then post them when I think I have everyones. We can always add to them if we sadly get more friends on here. If anybody knows an easier way please speak up - my head is not fully awake yet xxx

Sounds like a plan to me, Shabs.

My important dates..

9th September - Ciaran and Brennan's birthday. Also the day Ciaran died.

1st October - The day we buried Ciaran.