Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

I have never seen that before Shabs

So true , especially the weather bit .
I can remember people on the day of Harrys funeral commenting that "The sun had shone for him"

Whoopy bloody doo , I wanted it grey and raining and miserable not all shiny and cheery .

Matt and Gareths funerals were both sunny, warm days - I remember thinking exactly the same as you did.

ppm holding you close today, you will get through this honest,i dont even know what this is , just take little steps and deep breaths, you will get there.
i know how hard it is to carry on,believe me i do, everything is a bloody battle, you will get therexxbig hug

The day of my brother's funeral was also lovely and sunny. The woman in the B&B asked us where we were off to and when I told her she was floored for a second and then said, 'Oh well, at least you've got a nice day for it haven't you'. I didn't know whether to laugh or punch her in the face! But I did laugh - people say the most ridiculous things don't they.

Hazy - have sent you a message on Facebook - no mobile credit as usual

MissM - dont think people in this country know how to handle death....they just blurt out the most stupid stuff.

Stupid things people say , I have got a fair few of those :

I remember doing a thread on TCF about them all and everyone had some good examples .

One of my favourites was a friend of my mums telling her that I should get a cat . This was the day of Harrys funeral

And my BIL on the same day telling dh that we should start trying to get pregnant straight away .

People really didn't seem to get the fact that it was him as a person we missed not just any old baby .

A lot of it is subjective though and things that I found really insensitive other people thought were fine .

Hi all.

Sorry things are tough PPM. Somedays it just feels like it's 1 step forward and 2 steps back.

Cole's funeral was on a beatiful clear day. The sky was blue and cloudless and the sun shone, but it was bloody cold. I know it was really cold, but I didn't really feel it.

Did you get a cat TW? I'm sure it's just what you needed to 'get over' your darling boy. Some poeple

I went to work this morning with a terrible cough.. they sent me home again

I came home, read my book, watched some episodes of the west wing and slept.. I feel a lot better.. physically and mentally .. think i needed that few hours to myself

ppm sorry to hear work was hard.. maybe you need a bit more time before you go back

I really have no idea what the weather did on the day of Fraser's funeral but I know I didnt have a coat on so it must have been nice

cat???? cat???? either that person is totally insensitive or was so flustered they didnt know what to say

After Ross mum kept saying well now you have Ross you can put Fraser behind you.

The only way I could make her understand was to ask her if I got run over by a bus and someone said oh wel you still have Andrew (my brother)what would she say..

A friend came round this morning then my mum came down a while later but i didn't really get a chance to really talk to her as i had to head out for my counsellor appt and by the time i got back ds1 was back from school. Am going to try to write down what i want to say to my mum then decide whether i talk to her or write to her once i can work out exactly what i need to say to her!

Anyway, lots of what the counsellor said made sense. I need to stop expecting too much of myself. I also need to try to understand and accept that everything i feel is normal (even if it is very irrational) and by trying to do that i should try to relax a bit more and stop myself ending up in the horrendous downward spiral i found myself in last night/this morning. easier said than done heh girls!!!!? The return to work certainly was the trigger yesterday and i'm sure in the days/months/weeks/years to come there are going to be dozens more triggers.

Thanks for your kind thoughts it's reassuring to know that what i'm going through is 'normal' whatever normal is these days!

hope you're all doing ok today xx

Morning girls xx

morning girlsxxx

good morning all xx

morning everyone

ppm I know exactly what you mean about the downward spiral. The world around you has moved on and you feel you should to so when you feel sad about your little boy you beat yourself , thinking you are useless that you should be coping better than this etc

The truth is that it would be very strange if you werent very sad and very angry. I know you dont think so right now but most people do understand. They might not know how to reac but they understandwhen you are not yourself.

I found the hardest thing was learning that its ok to grieve. I too did the downward spiral thing. I think maybe my ads stopped this spiral to some extent

take care

Morning everyone xx Am giving in to the tiredness and heading back to bed this morning. Better night last night but i'm just really tired today.

The pain does not dissipate
It penetrates and hides within;
So that the world
Seeing the outward smile,
The composed manner,
Hearing the tempered voice,
Forgets.

Removing the mask,
Lifting the veil,
Peering behind the facade
Reveals a torment
The world has no desire to know.

OMG I am watching Jeremy Kyle - a bereaved Mum has just been on. My throat is hurting with trying not to cry. She said that she cant go to her daughters grave (she died 4 years ago) and she cant look at her pictures. If she accepts her daughter has died then she thinks she will have to grieve more. Then the words that made me cry - I CANT GRIEVE MORE xxxx Going outside now for a quiet cry and a cigarette - yes I know, disgusting habit, cant help it xx

I've come shabbs got over the name coincidence a bit.

Thats awfull all i can do is look at things that remind me of my DB. his pics etc i cant accept that hes gone even with sorting his flat out yesterday.

Glad you found us Shelley xxxx

oh god shabs that poem is exactly right !!

the world doesnt want to know

Thought id join you all.

Back soon - got to go and pick up by grandson, TW are you about? The thread is running out xxxxxx

Shelley tell the lovely ladies on here about your brother - he sounds so wonderful. Dont worry if you dont feel up to it - just hang around, you will get lots of support here. xxxx

Done it Shabs

Panicked a bit when I saw it was ending but have managed , hope you all approve of the title x

He is wonderful.
My brother is 22 and was killed 16 days ago in an RTA. Well thats the easier version for me bit more complicated than that. Currently have a criminal investigation underway due to the events surrounding his death. He had so many contradictions to his character loving and loyal, stubborn and determined. If you had him as a friend he would always be there when you needed him or when he thought you did. He was my guardian angel

Brilliant title TW

Right Im definitely off to pick up Lew now!!!

Tell them about the name coincidences Shelley xx

Ye that would be an idea as i mentioned it earlier lol.

DB that was killed is Matthew, my other younger brother is Gareth. So even though Shabs said i was welcome here even though im not a bereaved mum. I couldnt get past the names of Shabs boys and my brothers.