Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

Welcome Lilmiss - glad you found us. OMG you sound like you have been 'through the wars.'

More of the ladies on this special thread will be on later today. Thank you for introducing yourself....will speak more later xxxxxxx

FMammy - brilliant post my darling....not seen lighthouse for ages xxxx

morning girlsx

Good morning all and welcome lilmiss , I am sorry to hear about your son Callum but I am glad you have found us . Funnilly enough we were talking the other day about stupid things people have said to us . "getting over it " doesn't really come into it does it ? We learn to carry it with us better is all x

What are you 2 doing up at silly o clock ?
I have got to go to stupid work in an hour and I cba xx

Morning all, and morning LilMiss. So nice you have found us, but I am so sorry about your darling Callum. It sounds like you have really been through the wringer.

Olissa - congratulations on your little girl Lovely news

Crumpette - I can't say we didn't/don't worry about M suffering from the same illnes as C (the same as your dd), but the worry has got a bit easier to deal with and has lessened as he has got older. I think once M got past the age C first got sick we have breathed a bit easier. Although even the smallest ailment makes me anxious, and I have to reason with myself in my head, but commonsense does prevail.

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies, I had a lovely time when I was away. I was thoroughly spoiled by my friends. I went to visit the house where Thomas Hardy was born and also Clouds Hill where Lawrence of Arabia lived. Both fascinating places. Also went to see Chinese State Circus which was mindblowing!!!

Hi lilmiss

As we always say on here ..we are glad you have come to join us but are sorry you are here

My first little boy Fraser was stillborn 5 years ago and you're right you never get it over it

I have been at a 3 years old b/day party in the soft play..god it was sooo loud.

We are having a few kiddy free hours and then going to my inlaws for dinner ..yum

moveit.. are you sure mac is going to be a year??? it seems like only a few short months since I was praying for a safe outcome for you .. what are you going to do to mark it?

Hi Ladies

Wow what a day. First day back at school and had the whole range of responses from those who asked how my summer was whilst blatently ignoring fact that I am clearly no longer pregnant to crying in the playground with a good friend who I haven't seen for 6 weeks and everything in between.

Despite being obviously pregnant last time I was at the school gates and today being obviously not (purposely wore dress with cinched waist so as to avoid the puzzled you haven't grown much comments)one mum asked how I was feeling now the tired and sick stage was long gone. The look on her face as I opened and shut my mouth like a goldfish whilst trying to figure out how to say DS had died was horrific. Thank god I was wearing sunglasses.

I know I've got several more of those conversations to come before word has sufficiently spread - give me strength.

Olissa DS really does feel like a dream so I totally understand. I'm hoping now we are back "home" and the UK house is packed up (we live abroad) I can get a minute to myself and remember.

TW Went well with the counsellor - just sorry I had to leave her behind in UK. But I loved showing her my photos - I just wish I had one that I could put on display.

Thinking of you all

PS Grrrrrrrrrrr to BC on other thread. Some people should count themselves lucky that they have no f-ing idea.

Hello, tbm glad session with counsellor went well. Your day sounds like a tough one. I have been avoiding everyone since DD died in April (except idiot colleagues, alas, who all asked how the baby was or why I had been away for so long). I clearly now look pregnant and not just a bit overfed was in B&Q today and the checkout lady said 'oh you can't stand all day painting in your condition..' so I said oh haha.. yes I have told DP that.. and she said 'is it a girl?' I said 'er.. no...boy, just found out'..

'is it your first?'

erm......

didn't know what to say. I said 'no', she stared expecting more info, 'I had a little girl who died' and literally ran out of the shop and she was staring open-mouthed as I made my dash..
I'm guessing I will have to answer that loads the further this pregnancy progresses and then, if DS is OK, when he is a baby..

argh, what am I meant to say!? How can I say 'it's not my first' without having to say that DD died?

Just say 'No this is not my first baby I have a beautiful daughter.'....then you can run I always say 'I have had four sons' xx and often still run away after I have said it.

Good advice Shabs I will remember that (the shabs does running away too part so therefore it's ok!)x

Hello everyone, and welcome lilmiss

Things are weird here at the moment, what on earth is that thread about 'Mumsnetters do really well but...' getting at? Have not commented on either of those threads as was so gobsmacked at being described as a 'tortured soul', mind you.

Crumpette, I had one of those moments the day before Caitlin's birthday - with the man from over the road! He brought me some stuff his wife had won at bingo 'for the children'.

'Oh he'll love it, thank you' says I
'I thought you had two children', says he...

Now I don't know him well, but he has had me, sans DD, living opposite him for a whole year, and his wife, while nice, is a proper curtain twitcher. Not sure where they thought I was hiding her.

Yeah, I tell people and run away too.

TBM, I don't think there is anything worse than people just ignoring the fact you've lost your little one. Obviously, what bereaved people really need is to feel like social lepers on top of it all I'm glad you saw your good friend as well.

olissa how can a curtain twitcher miss that?! and then go on to comment further after you've already made it obvious? gah

I guess I wasn't prepared for the question at all as I was kidding myself I wasn't looking big enough to pass for pregnant yet oops!

Oh a classic from a colleague last week- 'so have you got over it now then, youve grieved and all that stuff right? not as bad if its a baby as a grown person is it'

wtf

sorry, just recalled it in the line of 'recent idiot comments'! can't wait to leave...

No idea about that other thread, really weird and Iwasted about 15 mins reading it so I posted, on the offchance that the OP really is a retired lady wanting to help

Right will turn off computer before I post anywhere else....... x

Hi ladies
tinkerbelles After my DD1 died I went back to work and a colleague asked me brightly who was looking after my DD1... but word will get round. Then you'll have some people who won't know what to say to you but that's just because it's the unimaginable to them. Had someone say to me "Oh I couldn't have coped with that" and I said "So what would you have done then? Killed yourself?!" Harsh I know but still...

Evening ladies,
I've had a rotten few days finding it hard to put my feelings into words. Am trying to deal with a whirl of emotions flying around my head.

Have any of you been for counselling? And did you find it helped? When my son died in march all the docs/medics i talked to said i'd have to wait approx 6 months before i should go for counselling. So I waited til july then registered with Cruse but the waiting list is months long and the cot death trust are hoping to have counselling available within another month or so. I'm really nervous about the thought of it but am willing to try anything that has the potential to help.

Hello Tinker - well done you for having the strength to make it to the school gate. My DS1 started school a few weeks ago and i'm bumping into loads of parents who know my situation (DS2 died v suddenly in March aged 2) and some of them just don't know what to say to me so I totally empathise with you and am sending you a pile of strength for the coming week

Oh my friends....why do we have to explain ourselves to other people...why are other people so fucking bloody clueless as to what is going on with us?

I suppose they are some of the lucky people - lucky they dont have to live longer than their precious children.

I'm sending you all my love, some courage, some laughter, some tears, some hope, some smiles. We will make it through this awful crappy path...I know we will xxxx

morning girls, hope everyone ok,i had councelling after jayden died,my boss sorted me out,but here is the place that helps me mostxx

G'morning folks.

Hope everyones as ok as they can be.

Weird day here today.

Five years ago, i was still pregnant, but having small contractions. Little did i know that when i left for the hospital five years ago today, i wouldn't be coming back for another six weeks, and in that time i'd have given birth miles away from home, had to say goodbye to my beautiful Ciaran, bury him, and wait for Boyo to be transferred back to a NICU here.

Five years ago. So far away, yet when i close my eyes i'm right back there...

Morning all, Happy Birthday Hazy!!!

Morning girls. Have a lovely day Hazy - Happy Birthday.

Dee - were your precious boys born today? Take care darling....thinking of you xxx

Good morning all. Thinking of you all today.

And happy birthday Hazy xx

I know all my friends love me and want to support me but i just wish they'd stop asking me 'are you alright?' Course I'm not!

Peterpansmum right there with you re "are you ok". I keep telling myself at least they are asking it is those that have totally ignored the fact that make me want to scream.

Happy birthday Hazy.

Dee - thinking of you today. Hope you ave the strength to get through it.

PS I just wanted to say that posting here has really, really helped me to not feel so totally alone. It is horrid that you are all here, but I am grateful.

Tink - I think we all feel that way my love - no matter how weird our feelings are we dont need to hide them here xx