Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

lol at walking like Frankenstein. It's very sweet he's getting interested in girls!

Wishing you all a good nights sleep TW. Lack of sleep is a complete shitter.

DH back home again late tonight - hurrah

I defo rely on dh and he on me. C's death has made us very close and we love to spend time together. People probably make vomitting and gagging signs behind our back when they see us together

Ilike we are the same thankfully . The amount of people that told me (within days) that their cousin ? neighbour / sister / milkman had lost a child "but of course they have now split up" was amazing .

Not saying it was all a breeze but we have managed to come out the other end fighting .

We have been married almost 32 years but the loss of our lads drove us apart for a long, long time - sometimes it is still very, very difficult xx

Good morning everyone .

I want to still be asleep .

Morning girls xx

hi girls sorry not been on but had flu, i thought i was immune working with it,haha.
ppm my dh refused any help at all from medical sources ,and he had it all to deal with ,sorted funeral, dealt with coroner looked after all of us,but he cried even though he denied i remember often waking up and knowing his face was wet,and believe me i was impossible to live with for a long time ,i hated everyone and blamed everyone .

Morning girls - hope you are feeling loads better Hazey xxxxx

Morning girls - its a horrible, wet, very windy morning here in Bolton xx

Same here Shabba.

Just checking in to make sure everyone is ok

Hello everyone. Feeling a bit hungover today - think we celebrated halloween a little TOO much!! I think i tried to drown my memories from last year in red wine!

TW - is your 'sickly spud' feeling better yet? I read your post the other day and just didn't know what to say - Gregor's final postmortem results showed an overwhelming virus so the phrase 'just a virus' will never be the same to me. I hope he's feeling better now and you're getting more sleep?

Get well soon Hazy xx

I know what you all mean about the pressure on relationships after losing a child - it's so difficult to respect each others grief and just keep going some days. I remember saying to my DH the week after G died that if we didn't pull together we were at serious risk of splitting up at some point.

Back to work tomorrow - here's hoping i make it there!

I missed that Hazy, I hope you feel back to normal soon. Flu is horrid.

Good luck for tomorrow PPM, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Hi everyone

I woke up at 2am and found myself playing the night I lost Fraser over and over in my head

I just lay there for 2 hours, no tears just more and more details going around in my head

Result .. today I am shattered and have had a meltdown re Fraser. I dont want to forget him but I hate the fact i have to live with these memories for the rest of my life.

Its like I just realised I am going to have to be really strong for the rest of my life and I dont think I can be.

its all very well being strong for a short time but not long term - I cant do it.. I just cant its too hard

When I have bad days like this I get annoyed that other people cant see it .. dont realise the pain that is just under the surface all the time that has just bubbled back up

and when i tell them they dont get it.. they say you have come so far .. yeah well why does it feel like I am right back 5 years in the past

{{{FM}}}

I know exactly what you mean. To get through the past couple of years I have had to reconcile myself to the fact that I am a changed person and nothing will ever change that. Maybe that's acceptance?

My core values and beliefs are pretty much the same, and on the surface I am probably much the same, but scratch the surface and I feel I am very much a changed person. I have seen and done too many things that there is no going back from.

The way I see it, I don't get annoyed that people can't see how much my life and perspective have changed. If they understood how I feel, it would mean they would have also had to have lost a child.

But what I do get upset about is that C is almost forgotten or not talked about, ie the elephant in the room.

Flashbacks are bloody horrible things. Do you suffer from them a lot?

Day to day I can pretty much cope with everything (although at the moment I'm not coping so well), but I do have meltdowns, and they transport me right back to nearly two years ago.

It's odd, some days C death seems a lifetime away, but when I do go into meltdown I am right back to his death 2 years ago. The brain is a funny thing.

I'm sorry if this post seems a but me, me, me, but I don't intend it to be. I hope that by explaining how I feel will help you see that feeling the way you do is normal.

Much love FM, take care and be kind to yourself xxx

Thanks ILike, think i'll need all the positive vibes i can muster, feeling a bit wobbly about it tonight.

Oh FM sadly I also totally understand where you're coming from re short and long term coping. It's such an awful life sentence to cope with. I don't have any words of wisdom but couldn't not post when i read yours. just want you to know that i'm thinking about you and hope you have a better night tonight then hopefully tomorrow will be a better day than today. xx

FM , I so know that feeling , it is shite having to be so strong all the time all the time isn't it ? The things that we have all lived through and seen is just too hard for anyone other than us to really ever truly understand . People do try but it is so far away from peoples "normal" that it is too surreal to get a grasp on .

I don't know if this will help or hinder but I really struggled when I hit the 5 yr mark , that was when I first found The Compassionate Friends and started talking to other bereaved parents , up until then I had never wanted to . But getting over the 5 yrs really made we want to connect again with Harry and that was the only way I could do it . I felt the need to immerse myself in the whole thing again and not just spend my time telling everyone I was fine .

Nobody can ever know the tiredness that comes with being a bereaved parent .

I wish there was something I could do to help xx Be kind to yourself xx

Im a Compassionate Friends 'member' as well love. Thats where I found Triplets many, many years ago. All these years down the line I have less of those awful memory moments BUT they really kick me up the arse bum. Sending my love to all of you especially those who are 'struggling' at the moment.

Offering you a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen - but only if you promise you will do the same for me when I stumble xxx Dont need to ask that question really do I? xx

Good morning girls. xx

Good morning everyone xx

Good luck PPM , let us know how you get on x

Good luck PPM xxxx

TW would you like to do the next thread? We only have about 50 posts left on this one. If you dont want to just say - wont be offended at all xxxx

I would love to Shabs , now I just have to think about a title

How are you doing ? Did Tom ever get on a horse ?

ROFL not yet!!!! Because it was half term the stables have been booked up solidly - £17.00 per half hour for riding lessons so I would expect this morning they are sat on bundles of dosh getting drunk, with big grins on their faces. The stable owners that is NOT the horses!

He has, however, made firm friends with a new white horse called Lucy!!

Just moving his Frankenstein wellies that stink of pre-teenage boys and wet horses!!!

My house is going to really stink in a few yrs time isn't it ?

My brother has got the worst feet ever , his gf won't even let him keep his climbing shoes in the house they smell so bad .

I really should be doing something a bit more productive this morning but cba . I feel this is becoming a pattern in my life

Thanks for all the messages of support .. its so nice not be alone when grief bites you on the bum isnt it

The image of an elephant in the middle of the room made me smile.. its really apt

I am at work right now but later on I think I many contact compassionate friends ..like you tw I feel I need to wallow for a while

I like dont apologise.. I read your post and thought aww thats someone who understands

hope you are doing ok at work ppm .. sometimes it helps to think of something else for a while

Compassionate Friends, 53 North Street, Bristol, BS3 1EN.

www.tcf.org.uk

Office Telephone number is 0845 120 3785

Helpline Number is 0845 1 23 23 04

COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS CREED

We need not walk alone.
We are The Compassionate Friends.
We reach out to each other with love, with understanding and with hope.
Our children have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for our children unites us.
Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope.
We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances.
We are a unique family because we represent many races and creeds.
We are young and we are old.
Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that we feel hopeless and see no hope.
Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength; some of us are struggling to find answers.
Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression; others radiate an inner peace.
But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of the Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for our children.
We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building that future together as we reach out to each other in love and share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts and help each other to grieve as well as to grow.