Is anyone on line now? Want to talk? My Dad is dying right now.

[Rhiannon]

get choked when I talk so it's easier to type with my fingers

Good one janh - that might help him hang on throughout the night - something to focus on.

Rhiannon I am so sorry this is happening to you.
It doesn't matter whether or not you hate your Dad, or have the best relationship in the world, losing a parent is a huge huge thing and it's only natural to be upset - don't feel hypocritical for suddenly discovering your love for him - it was there all along but probably just pushed away because of his behaviour towards you.

This is going to sound cruel, butyou need to think about whether it would help your son to see your Dad, not the other way around. do you really want him to last another night or two?
I think you should ask your ds whether he wants to go - my Grandad died when I was 11 and I really regret that I was never allowed to see him or go to the funeral as my parents thought it would upset me too much. Prepare him for what it will be like, and then let him make the decision.

Rhiannon,
it's important to do whatever you can to make it easier for all parties concerned.
Your gut reaction more often that not is the right way to go.

I can't imagine a queue of people at his bedside. His relatives are all a long way away.

I have decided to go in the morning with DS, if I go tonight and he's sitting up in bed, he'll wonder what on earth's going on and I won't know what to say (never do as he's never nice).

At least if I take DS they'll talk to each other and I can just hug him and say everything's going to be all right.

Signing off now. Will keep you up to date. Night

Goodnight, love. Hope you get some sleep. Hope tomorrow goes well.

(He does love you, you know. Some men are just hopeless.)

xxx

Goodnight, love. Hope you get some sleep. Hope tomorrow goes well.

(He does love you, you know. Some men are just hopeless.)

xxx

Hopeless and very proud - lots of men think that it's a weakness to be loving and emotional.
Good Luck for tomorrow.
Thinking of you.
Hugs and kisses

Oops. Refreshed by mistake. Durr.

Dear Rhiannon I am also so sorry to but in I hpoe you don't mind but I have been so moved by your posting.I think you have answered your own question really you think you should take DS.Have you asked DS if he would like to go he might be able to understand more than you think and surprise you.Whatever you do please make sure you go in and give your dad a big hug anyway,if not for him then yourself because it sounds like you have been wanting do do it for a long time.I hope you have got some comfort from all the postings and will be thinking of you.

Rhiannon, much love to you and ds, my thoughts are with you. My mum died when my oldest was almost 7 so I know how hard it is to make the right decision.

only just caught up with this - rhiannon thinking of you tomorrow. I am so sorry.
From what you say I think you're doing the right thing to let ds see his grandad. They were close and I think it helps everyone to feel nothing is hanging unsaid and undone. If the visit is not going well you can always cut it short very quickly because your father is so ill - prepare your son for this to happen, too. Say the visit will be a very quick one. My son saw my mum when she was very ill - a few days before she died. They had been close too. He was five and a half years at the time. He was fine about it, all things considering, much more resiliant than I'd imagined, and he didn't and still doesn't dwell on her illness when we talk about my mum - he remembers to nice times they had. I think that's how he protects himself from things he can't understand.

I feel for you, Rhiannon. The last time I saw my father before his death and my mother before her death, the silent emotions they conveyed and the expression in their eyes were like nothing else. Those last messages and thoughts were so different from the relationship that had gone before. I had a slightly distant relationship with my dad but the last time I saw him changed my view of him so much. It's difficult to put it into words.

take lots of care,
tigermoth xxxxxxx

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Thinking of you and your dad and ds, Rhiannon. Sounds like you're thinking the "does ds visit" issue through very carefully and being sensitive to all sides of the picture. Like Batters, I have no advice but lots of good wishes. Take care. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Rhiannon, just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your family. Winniex

Hugs, Rhiannon.

Speaking of hugs, if you want to give him a hug, then do it, however unheard of it might be. I get the feeling that, however he behaved in the past, he's still youd dad and deep down you still love him.

Thinking of you,
SoupDragon
x

Lots of love, Rhiannon. I'm sure you will decide what is right for you and your family. Take care xxx

Rhiannon, maybe you could read something to your dad to help explain your feelings, a poem or something,a psalm or prayer if you like: it's sometimes easier to read another person's words if you can't find your own.

Dear Rhiannon
My dh went through a very similar situation almost exactly 1 year ago with his father. Dh had not had a good relationship with his father for nearly 10 years, but when he was dying in hospital he visited him a lot and it made it easier to come to terms with his passing (and the other things). Did you take your son today, hope it wasn't too distressing for you both. Hugs xxxxx

Love, Rhiannon and good luck. Go for the hug. You have nothing to lose.

Rhiannon
Hope your day went OK - whatever your decision XXX