Is anyone on line now? Want to talk? My Dad is dying right now.

[Rhiannon]

get choked when I talk so it's easier to type with my fingers

It's me, just said goodbye to the final guests. Everything went well today, the undertakers and buffet were both brilliant. We didn't have to think about anything.

My aunt and cousin both spoke without getting upset.

The day was absolutely beautiful and everyone was outside afterwards.

Mum showed no emotion, I did but I wasn't terrible. DS didn't come, I'm pleased he didn't now. He had a lovely day at the zoo with friends and came back for the reception.

Thank you all so much for your kindness and healing messages, you have no idea how much it helps. My own personal counselling service at the click of a button.

Happy Easter
Hope you're feeling better too Deborah x

A friend who lost an estranged Dad made the point that if your Dad/ relationship with your Dad was crap, their death means you feel any fantasy of them reconcilingor even showing remorse is definitely never going to be made real. This is one answer to why you might grieve for someone who you weren't close to. Hope this answers some questions. You may find it takes years to know what he meant to you if anything.
It is a hard time. It is good you asked for people to be in contact with you.

Glad all the practicalities of the today went well, rhiannon. You had beautiful weather, too.

Hope you can look back on this day with some happiness at least. Whenever I've attended family funerals on my side or my husbands I've just thanked my lucky stars over and over again that I am a mother. They bring home to me the importance of enjoying my children - another generation. The transcience of life, the transience of childhood.

Hi, it's been just over six months now since my Dad died. I think about him all the time although we weren't at all close and still get upset when I think back to his last night in hospital.

The thing is the children never ever mention him at all. It's like he never existed. Even when he died my DS showed more emotion if Arsenal lose.

Although I am happy that they are happy, I am sad that my Dad seems to be erased from their minds. My Dad had a lot of input with the children, did just about everything except change nappies. He even babysat for them.

They have never say they miss him or anything.

Oh rockingrosebud maybe it is their way of coping with their grandads passing away,am so sorry
hugs
xxx

sorry about your dad rockingrosebud,i'm sure they just don't want to upset you,i remember when my grandmother died i was about 10 and it didn't really affect me,my cat died the next day and i was devastated,how my dad must have felt i'll never know but that's kids for you,keep showing them photos of your dad and telling them stories about him
whymummy xx

RR, sorry, I know it's hard. Just wanted to say I agree with doormat, it's their way of dealing with it and I'm sure they do remember him. Do they know it's OK to talk about him? Maybe you could tell them it is, just to check. I do know it's hard but it does get (slightly) easier.

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I'm so sorry you're feeling bad, RR. Ime, it takes a long time to get over such an experience, if indeed one ever does get over it.

None of my children mention either of their grandads, unless we initiate the conversation. When my mum is around, she talks about my dad in a normal sort of way, which is nice. I think some children are much more of a here-and-now nature and because often they don't have the huge raft of memories that we will have, it's easier for them to deal with.

In some ways, I actually think it's a healthier way to be. I noticed in Indonesia that people simply don't mourn as we do, death is part of life and they accept it much more readily. And yet, the dead are also still part of their lives; they visit the grave and have picnics there and tell the person all the family news and so on. I guess having much more of a faith helps with that, of course, if you believe that the person has gone to a better place.

Sorry you're feeling so low, rr. I'm in a similar position to you - my dad died in July and I'm really struggling with it at the moment. My ds was only 2.6 when his grandpa died so I don't expect any memory, but it is still terribly hard when we go to my father's house (sis and I are in the process of selling it) and ds will say "Grandpa's house!" but then if I show him a picture of Daddy, he asks who it is. I think the idea of getting pictures out is a very good one, and also saying to your kids how sad you are and that you miss your Dad. I bet they will respond as they may have decided not to say anything so that you wouldn't be upset. Sometimes I think we need to give children the opportunities to be the comforter rather than always the comforted.

Oh RRb - sorry you feel so low - no-one could blame you for that. That's just kids for you though mate. They just adapt and get on with life. Kids don't, and shouldn't do worrying etc, that's our job!! Just make sure you keep his memory alive. Light a candle for him, frame a new picture of him and buy an extra special frame to go in it. Talk about him to the kids - in a 'oh your granddad used to love that' etc.
Lots of love