Cole's thread for bereaved muumies: like the sands on the beach that never wash away. I watch over my surviving mum, who thinks of me each day.

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Welcome to our santuary and haven ladies.

Many thanks for Frasersmummy for passing the baton onto Cole and I. I am touched and hope I can do all our lo's justice.

For any people wanting to join, don't be shy. We cry, we rant, we smile, we laugh - whatever we feel like we need to do.

Sorry

I have been busy at work and am in a new office where my back is to everyone and they can all see my monitor. I think some furniture rearranging needs to happen. Each weekend we have been at the old house clearing out the filthy cathair infested shithole clutter plus G has taken to rising around the 4:00 am mark and I have been k'nacked. Have managed to skim a bit though.
Shabs hiya babes holding us all together still I see.
Well done hazy on your DS.
Congrats FMN on getting K back home.
Woohoo on the new floor Lottie. Will that be it now?
Chee visit more often.
Ilike Coles thread has been lovely, hope you have got some comfort from it.
FM hope your mum picks up soon.
Dee hope you get the help you need sorted soon.
TW hope you are all okay
TLK glad to hear DH is getting help. Very brave lady hosting a party
Cherry welcome to the thread hope you get to dip your toe in more often so sorry to hear about Robert John.

Not having a good week a colleague told me on Friday a friend of hers baby is dying from a muscle wasting genetic condition which means she will die before she is 6 months, think she wanted to talk to someone who knew what it is like to lose a child so she can offer the right support. I thought about them all over the weekend and was just pulling myself together and have seen the news about Ivan Cameron so have been sat here weeping. Not a good look to new colleagues who do not know my history.

Anyways I hope you are all well
Love CM

All - I just wanted to let you know that you are all in my thoughts today. It must bring back your heartache. My neice is finding it hard too.

Shabs, Hazy, Light,...can you send me a link to FMN on Facebook so i can add her please..............

Hope this works Lottie

RIP Ivan Cameron - these tragic things must make you all think of your loved dcs when you hear them

What a wondeful quote just now on the News. "In life Ivan Cameron couldnt speak, In death Parliament spoke for him." Shabs I need to talk to you about something what time will you be on Facebook?

hi girls just awful news,same age as our eldest granddaughter,i havent watched gordon today,my mum rang me when i woke up after night shift,feel so sad for them and i hope press leave them time to deal with his death.
god bless and may he play happily with all our angelsxxxxxxxx

Hello all I have been brave enough to watch some news and it is heartbreaking . At least I could and did hide away from the world for a while .Not much hope for them I wouldn't think .

An extra hug for us all tonight xx

Juat grabbing a quick 5 mins "me" time while Kyirrie screams in dp's arms!!

God, I'd forgotton what hard work this is!

Cyteen, thank you for your thoughts and good wishes. MN is a fab place for learning that strangers can care about each other. x

It is actually now only 2 weeks til Eris's 1st birthday, and I am really struggling with the emotion of it AND having a newborn to care for. Hey ho.

Well, not really 5 mins but my time is up!

Love to all. x

Much love to you FMN. M was four weeks old on Cole's 1st remember day. Such a weird time. I'm sure it doesn't help that you haven't been able to revel in new baby heaven straight away with Kyirrie. So many conflicting emotions.

Stay strong, keep talking, and don't be afraid to let your emotions out whether they be happy or sad ones.

hi girls

I haved just watched the footage of all the parliament speeches

I felt with william hague and the others the words of condolences were well meant but were just that words...

but oh my god .. Gordon Brown moved me to tears tonight ..

I am heartbroken for the camerons tonight.. poor buggers walking the same road as us from here on in...

Just popping by to see how FMN little Kyirrie
is doing glad she doing what she should be
Cant believe it would be Eris first birthday already.

Hope everyone else is ok Shabs et al.

fmn.. I was still in hospital with ross on Frasers remember day

I remember clearly being in tears and the midwifes saying oh someone has the baby blues....I wanted to hit her

When Eris's birthday comes along take some time to remember and grieve but then turn to Kyirrie for a cuddle

Kyirrie will never replace Eris.. there will always be a poignant gap in your family but during the dark days Kyirrie will be your ray of sunshine.

I know you have seen us all say this but in the next few weeks you will see that we are right when we say the anticipation of how hard eris's B/day will be is harder than the day itself.

It doesnt seem like year since you brought us all together...have you thought about how you would like to remember Eris on her b/day???

I too have just watched the news about Ivan Cameron - so so sad. Gordon Brown looked like he was right back 'there', didn't he?

News from here today is very mixed. Once again, boyo's nursery teacher asked for a word... she told me that she is desperately worried about him, that he was violent towards another child today, so she put him on the quiet chair, as she'd do for any other child, and he had a complete meltdown... crying hystericaly for his daddy, asking why daddy couldn't come home... his poor teacher was herself crying as she was telling me. She said the children had been playing in the sandpit with some dolls and when some of the kids had gone to dig up the dolls boyo had become hysterical, shouting that the dolls were dead and that you couldnt dig them up as they were dead and gone. He's suffering so bloody much. The teacher was having a conference with the headmistress tonight, to see if there was anything else they could do, and advised me to go back to the doctor to ask again for him to be referred. I did that, but the doctor i saw was useless and left me feeling worse then ever. Apparently the doctor wont refer to the psych services - the school has to refer(?) - but apparently, as his mother i should be able to cope with his anger and outbursts. So, tbh, she was no help. Shall see what his teacher has to say tomorrow.

I have however found a therapist in swansea that deals with children. I'd have to pay her, but right at the moment, i don't care. I'm going to ring her in the morning to see if she will agree to seeing him.

And, to top it all off, the baby won't sleep, boyo won't sleep in his own bed and ive got a stinking cold!!!

Dee, I am thinking of you............... xx

Oh Lottie sorry my darling I just got in - it was my friend Chelles 41st birthday....I am very late. Please will you email me my darling?

Dee - I wish I could do something to help you. I dont know what to do. Poor little lad....he reminds me of my Danny. I would do anything I could to help you. Please, please let me know if there is anything you can think of. I think, in the morning, I will try to email the child mental health unit my Danny went to......they may be able to suggest something.

OMG FMN our lovely Eris is almost 1. You may think I am a nutter....in fact I know I am one....but can I suggest that you remember Eris with smiles? I remember the party you had for her. Without our Eris we would not all be together here on MN.

So many conflicting thoughts. None of us have had a child to replace our 'lost' children. Nothing and nobody could ever replace them. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Good morning all .

Dee I really feel for you , I hope someone starts to listen to you soon .

Morning girls. Morning TW xx

morning girls,dee they must help boyo dd says the health visitor gave her details for her eldest and she was four,at the local hospital,child pysocologist ,i know im crap at spelling,they must be something someone can do, they cant leave a lovely little boy to suffer any more,please tell us if we can help.
shabs hope you ok ,not too much bottle last nite, ds has check up today so will call later to see what they say,
hugs to everyone elsexxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hiya Hazey - behaved myself last night, for a change!!! Just soooooo tired this morning.

well done shabsx

I have emailed you Shabs xx

have replied Lottie! xx

Just wanted to put the poem on that 'inspired' this thread title.

MY MUM IS A SURVIVOR

My Mum is a survivor, or so I've heard it said.
But I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away
I watch over my surviving Mum, who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...a smile of disguise
But through heaven's door I see tears flowing from her eyes.

My surviving Mum tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
As I watch over my surviving Mum...through heavens open door.
I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more.
But I know that doesn't help her or ease the burden that she bears.
So if you get the chance, go visit her..and show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...no matter what she feels
My surviving Mum has a broken heart that time wont ever heal.

xxx

Shabs, i have just sent my thoughts to Ruth, If any of you ladies are interested a lady vicar friend of mine is going to be talking about coping with the loss of a child on Radio 2 on Sunday morning between 7 and 9.