Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My DH has died

218 replies

squidgemum · 20/11/2008 19:31

My beautiful DH died in my arms on Saturday aged 37, after an 18 month battle with cancer. I'm left with a 3 year old and a 1 month old ... and I still can't believe I am writing these words. I know some other MNetters have been through this too as I've been lurking for a while - Martianbishop, retiredgoth, onlyjoking, evenstar ... are you there? I've been reading your posts for months now (ever since he was declared terminal) but never had the courage to post before, but I know that you and others will know what I'm going through - the shock, the fear of the future, and some relief that the cruel disease is no longer a constant shadow in the house .. Tell me - is there any light at the end of the tunnel?

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 20/11/2008 19:32

I am so, so sorry to read this squidgemum. Wishing you and your children strength.

nickytwotimes · 20/11/2008 19:32

Oh squidge, so very sorry for your loss.

I hope you will find lots of support here and in RL.

needmorecoffee · 20/11/2008 19:33

I am so very sorry

Hulababy · 20/11/2008 19:33

I am so sorry to hear that your DH has lost his fight with cancer.

I believe the WAY Foundation is supposed to to be a very good support system. They have a website. Yorkiegirk (who lost her husband 1.5 years ago) may be able to tell you more.

Thinking o you and your children.

PandaG · 20/11/2008 19:33

I am so sorry squidgemum. much love to you. xx

eandh · 20/11/2008 19:34

I am so sorry to read this

(((hugs))) anything we can do to help at the moment?

Thinking of you and your dc xx

BecauseImWorthIt · 20/11/2008 19:35

So sorry to hear this. Glad you have stopped lurking though, as you will surely find lots of help and support here - both emotional and practical. Please ask and don't be afraid to post.

Cancer is a truly terrible disease. I suppose there is some light at the end of the tunnel in that at least his suffering is at an end - but now you are on a journey which is very unpredictable.

Sending you lots of MN vibes (and some not very MN hugs)

Fiveplusbump · 20/11/2008 19:35

I am sorry .

OrmIrian · 20/11/2008 19:37

Oh squidge. So sorry

Califrau · 20/11/2008 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bienchen · 20/11/2008 19:39

Squidge, so sorry to hear this. Much strength to you and your little ones. x

Califrau · 20/11/2008 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blandmum · 20/11/2008 19:40

sending all my love

you will cope

life will not be want you want, ybut your darling man will live on in your children

Get all the help that is offered to you. Now is not the time to be 'brave'

Original poster
squidgemum · 20/11/2008 19:41

Thank you all so much - the support and words of comfort from other MNetters is soo lovely, it makes me feel I'm not alone. I have lots of practical help with the DC in RL but I just miss him sooo much. I can't describe how awful it was to watch him fight death right until the last hour, while I stood helpless, watching breathe in - and then not breathe out again. Even though it was expected, it was still such a shock. He was so strong and healthy before, my DS idolised him, but by the end he looked like a skeleton

OP posts:
Mumsnut · 20/11/2008 19:44

(For later, perhaps)

A friend of mine who was widowed young with small children told me the best advice she had received was never to refuse an invitation, no matter how unpromising or how grim she felt.

Thinking of you and your children.

LovesTents · 20/11/2008 19:44

so very sorry

noonki · 20/11/2008 19:45

squidgemum - I am so sorry to hear you have lost your husband. x

My friend who lost her husband a little over a year ago also had just had a little baby and a four year old. She said that the best bit of advice she was given at the time was that people genuinely want to help, so take any offers of childcare/cooking etc that come your way. She wasn't up to actually orgainising people to come so one of her friends took on that role.

thinking of you xxx

spookycharlotte121 · 20/11/2008 19:46

Im so sorry to hear your sad news. Its not really the same but my dad died of cancer when I was 8 (12 years ago now) and even to this day I just sometimes cant believe he is gone. It takes time for you to begin to heal and you need to greieve (sp) Spend time remembering all the wonderful memories you had together and remember the good times. Im sure he is proud of how strong you have been for him and your children throughout his illness! If there is anything any of us can do to help then ask. Everyong around here is so caring and there is always someone around day or night if you need someone to chat to.

Thinking of you and your dc's. Charlotte x

teenspirit · 20/11/2008 19:49

I am so sorry. I have no experience of this kind but please believe me with 2 beautiful children - they are the light at the end of the tunnel. Such early days but you will stay strong for them and you will get through (no doubt with moments of complete utter despair) You are a mother so you are stronger than you feel. [hugs]

ClaireDeLoon · 20/11/2008 19:51

I'm very sorry for your loss squidgemum

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 20/11/2008 19:52

I'm so sorry.

twoluvlykids · 20/11/2008 19:52

so sorry squidgemum

i don't have any experience, but i'm sure you will be strong, you have your children.

thinking of you

constancereader · 20/11/2008 19:53

I am so sorry to read this.

SesHashadafab12weekscan · 20/11/2008 19:53

Thinking of you

Slouchy · 20/11/2008 19:54

Oh poor you. How dreadful for you all. I hope you can take some comfort, however small, in your children.xxx