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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My DH has died

218 replies

squidgemum · 20/11/2008 19:31

My beautiful DH died in my arms on Saturday aged 37, after an 18 month battle with cancer. I'm left with a 3 year old and a 1 month old ... and I still can't believe I am writing these words. I know some other MNetters have been through this too as I've been lurking for a while - Martianbishop, retiredgoth, onlyjoking, evenstar ... are you there? I've been reading your posts for months now (ever since he was declared terminal) but never had the courage to post before, but I know that you and others will know what I'm going through - the shock, the fear of the future, and some relief that the cruel disease is no longer a constant shadow in the house .. Tell me - is there any light at the end of the tunnel?

OP posts:
smoggie · 20/11/2008 20:24

so very sorry to read this I hope you can get the support you need either here on in RL
Thinking of you all

colacubes · 20/11/2008 20:26

So sorry x

robinpud · 20/11/2008 20:28
Sad
mckenzie · 20/11/2008 20:32

so so sorry to hear this. And i hope that in time your lovely memories will become stronger than your grief.
Thinking of you all.

BouncingTurtle · 20/11/2008 20:32

Will remember you, your children and your Dh in my prayers.

Remember those we love never really leaves us, while we remember them.

Posey · 20/11/2008 20:37

I am so sorry to read your post, and to hear of yet another young family going through this. Rest assured you will always find a sympathetic ear on mumsnet. I think people are around most of the day and night. We may not have any experience but we certainly care and you will be able to offload onto someone.
I am so sorry for your loss.

nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 20/11/2008 20:42

I am so sorry for your loss. Stick around the girls on here are fab x

ledodgy · 20/11/2008 20:43

Oh i'm so sorry Squidgemum.

Chirpygirl · 20/11/2008 20:45

So sorry for your loss, I hope you can find some help and advice here, xx

elastamum · 20/11/2008 20:46

I am so sorry for you. Thinking of you and your little ones

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff · 20/11/2008 20:50

I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't post much here but am also a widow, my DH died suddenly age 34 when I was pregnant. There is lots of support out there and on MN.

All I can say is, just try to take things slowly and when contemplating the next day is too much, just get through the next hour. And when that is much you scale it down to getting through the next 10 minutes instead. Take all offers of help, particularly with your children.

Also have a look at www.merrywidow.me.uk - a really wonderful website founded by a woman who was widowed in her thirties. She wrote a fabulous book, which may be helpful to you right now as well as in the future and there is lots of online support there.

Thinking of you.

Dior · 20/11/2008 20:52

Message withdrawn

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff · 20/11/2008 20:56

Also to say - yes there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's approaching 2 years for me and things are considerably better than they used to be. You have to hang on in there through the ups and the downs, there is no quick way I'm afraid - but it DOES get better. I promise.

PinkChick · 20/11/2008 21:00

So sorry to hear your terrible news.xxxx

Yurtgirl · 20/11/2008 21:00

for you and your dc

Keep posting dont be a lurker!

Original poster
squidgemum · 20/11/2008 21:01

Thank you all of you from the bottom of my heart, I wish I could reply personally but it would take a long time so please know I am so grateful for your support. It feels very bleak right now and after I post this I'm off to bed (amazingly, the newborn DS still waking up at night as if the world hasn't been shattered), but I'll log on again tomorrow. MB - I'm glad you wrote you wanted to run away when your dh was dying - so did I - it was at times a horrific experience. Although he was peaceful at the end, I'll never know if that was due to the sedatives or a genuine peace that he felt... OJ - I would reaaly like to chat more privately - sorry for my ignorance but how do I CAT you? Wishing you all a peaceful night, and if you have a DH, tell him you love him.

OP posts:
francagoestohollywood · 20/11/2008 21:01

So sorry for your loss squidge

crankycrane · 20/11/2008 21:03

god bless you and yor children

francagoestohollywood · 20/11/2008 21:03

Squidge CAT is "contact another mumsnetter", it's on the top of your screen on the right. You need a subscription of a few quid for one year.

RubySlippers · 20/11/2008 21:04

i am so very sorry for your loss

francagoestohollywood · 20/11/2008 21:04

Hope you get some sleep tonight squidge

Ronaldinhio · 20/11/2008 21:05

I hope that you and your family have all the love help and support you need

R
xxx

LaDiDaDi · 20/11/2008 21:08

So sorry to hear this sad news .

tatt · 20/11/2008 21:09

I am sorry for your loss.

My friend was older when her husband died but after a hard time initially she is now seeing someone and does find it helps. I hope you have some help with the practical issues, if not I am sure you can get help here.

WifeandMotherof4 · 20/11/2008 21:12

I am so sorry for your loss.

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