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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

For Bereaved Mummies. Remembering Jack and our other precious little ones... the sharing of hurt is the beginnning of healing.

1000 replies

lottiejenkins · 10/09/2008 14:01

Third time lucky........ Thanks to Shabs and FMN. I hope i can carry the baton as well as you did. I havent made a good start though. Things can only get better.........

OP posts:
triplets · 14/09/2008 11:24

fgs what spelling and I have just made James re write his homework for that reason

feedmenow · 14/09/2008 13:49

Hi all.

Hazy, so sorry fil is so unwell. It never rains but it pours.
Jaydens birthday will be remembered here. We're going to a 2nd birthday party this afternoon so I will look at the little birthday boy and think of Jayden. xx

Boop, sounds like you have had a really shitty time of it. I love your dd's names, really beautiful! As for the friend, I think a combination of joy for them and a little bit of jealousy for you is quite normal isn't it? I find that I feel differently depending on who it is (ie, my brother and his wife had a son born just 12 days before Eris, and I am fine with him. But a school mum came on the school run with her newborn twins the other day and I just couldn't muster any pleaseure at all Not proud of it, but I can't help my feelings after all, and nor can you. x)

Trips, does dh actually like bananas? I hate them so would have a real struggle to eat one a day! Although I guess it might be more appealing in the form of banoffee pie of banana split!!!!!

Dooby, I have my 22 week anomoly scan on 2nd Oct. Will you ask Hannah to look out for us and bring us luck seeing as it is her birthday? It must be strange for you with her reaching this huge milestone but without her here.

Ilike, I know you're a busy bee but just to let you know we're thinking of you and little (or big!) Mac! meant to say, I love that name! My cousins dp is called Mac although for him it is a nickname, but I've always thought it really cool!

Dp and I have just had a lady round to sort out our wills. Should have done it years ago, but better late than never. It is so hard to think of what you want to happen with your children if you die, but now it is done it is done! But I really struggled with the who should be their guardians bit. I have lovely family and friends but they wouldn't raise them the same as me. Made me cry a little to think about my cherubs being without me

Anyway, enough melancholy from me! Better get ready to go to this party!

See you all later. xx

triplets · 14/09/2008 14:34

Any more news Hazy xxx?

hazygirl · 14/09/2008 17:38

my son went to see him this afternoon and said hes improved but will be in for a week which is good x

lottiejenkins · 14/09/2008 19:27

Hi all.... have not had a good weekend..... Wilf was very badly behaved this morning which has left me very tired now. I went out with my family and Antonia and Harvey to a flower festival this afternoon.

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 14/09/2008 21:37

Anyone around?????????

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shabster · 14/09/2008 21:44

Hiya Lottie - sorry that you have had a bad weekend. x

lottiejenkins · 14/09/2008 21:52

Im off to bed soon Shabs.......... totally worn out......

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frasersmummy · 14/09/2008 21:56

my goodness this thread has been busy the last few days

hazy one of my closest friends' father was very ill for a long time and then died last year and as you all know I've lost my little boy 4 years ago.

I make the comparison .. and I notice a lot of similiarites in the way we grieve(d) and from what I can see its just as hard to lose a parent as it is to lose a child

the thing my friend has that I dont..... is happy memories that she can draw on.. I dont have that all. I have is a lock of hair, one photo , hand and footprints

I am sorry if that sounds horrid I dont mean it to.. I know my friends grief is every bit as bad as mine .. its just that she more resources to fall back on ..

I hope this makes sense

amm off to bed..

shabster · 14/09/2008 21:58

Think that sounds a good idea....tomorrow is another day my friend

shabster · 14/09/2008 21:59

frasersmammy - you hit the nail on the head darling. A parent (especially a good one) leaves memories behind that eventually comfort you. xx

frasersmummy · 14/09/2008 22:01

before I go..

Lottie its very hard work when they play you up isnt it..

and the more tired you get the more grumpy you get and the more reaction your little one gets and the more he plays up

You go round and round in circles till bedtime

I totally sympathise.. but at the risk of sound patronising .. next time he gives you an impromptu cuddle or someone tells you how helpful/nice he was to them you will remember its all worth it

as I have shamelessy plagarised from shabster...... come on one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe

maybe I should send shabster royalties in wine every time I say that.

shabster · 14/09/2008 22:03

steal away fmammy - I know I pinched it out of a book - the wine idea sounds wonderful. night sweetheart.

charleymouse · 15/09/2008 02:41

Thank you for the welcome ladies,
sorry to hear about your fil hazy, will raise a glass for Jayden b'day.

Shabs, at least those OAPs are up front, I think that was why I was upset the other day, i didn't know friends were having twin

Trips I know you probably have tried everything with H but what about a smoothie incl bananas?

FMN DH and I have to do that, the legalaties of kids complicates things doesn't it?

Lottie sorry wilf has been playing up DD has slow timed me all day

Boop so sorry it so had to lose one of a pair isn't it? Were your DD IDTs?

FM agree it is hard to lose anyone we love, unfortunately I am now speaking from experience as in 2004 Dad dropped down dead of massive heart attack, MIL died of cancer, 2005 Grandad died of pneumonia and 2007 my son died and then 10 days later my gran died. It sounds odd but I think Dads was the hardest as it was my first foray into the world of death.

Night night all god bless, tomorrow is another day.

shabster · 15/09/2008 07:03

Good morning ladies.

Winter is rumbling its way into Lanashire. It's cold outside this morning.

shabster · 15/09/2008 07:47

or even 'LANCASHIRE!'

lottiejenkins · 15/09/2008 07:59

Morning Shabs,,,, i have "Mr HedgeMan" coming to sort my front hedge out this morning.... no doubt i will get dragged out to help him but i dont mind really as he is lovely!! If the hedge gets much more rain in it it will collapse into the front garden.......... Then this afternoon i am booked in for reflexology and a massage which i am looking so forward to!!!

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shabster · 15/09/2008 08:40

Morning Lottie!

hazygirl · 15/09/2008 09:01

morning all,fil been moved today to another hospital that can look after him as he has renal failure now and has been put on insulin as his body not producing any .big hugs

shabster · 15/09/2008 09:03

OMG Hazy - sending you a massive hug - will be holding you close all day. Take care love xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 15/09/2008 09:06

Hazy - I will be thinking of your fil and your precious Jayden. I hope the sun shines for you all today.

Dooby - it's great to see you again. Keep in touch when you get the chance, it sounds like you've been through some tough times recently. Keep strong.

FMN - dh and I really need to sort out a will. Whilst I don't think it's a morbid thing to do, there's always something stopping me from getting my arse in gear and sorting it out.

Lottie - tell us more about Mr Hedgeman who will be sorting out your front hedge - pmsl

Mac is doing fine. We've been out and about with him and I'm starting to feel more like myself everyday. He's feeding really well and sleeping well at night, so I really don't think I can ask anymore of him. DH is taking some photo's off the camera today, so I'll let you know when I've put some on my profile.

Take care xx

lottiejenkins · 15/09/2008 09:17

Would love to tell you Move it but the bugger hasnt turned up yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr
Dont know if i said before but i said a prayer to welcome Mac last Thursday night at church.

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VaginaShmergina · 15/09/2008 09:31

Morning girls, just wanted to leave a note for Hazy to say I'm sorry things are tough at the mo and sending lots of love. x

ILTMIMI - I did post on your thread, many congrats and get them pics on here quick !!!

lottiejenkins · 15/09/2008 09:34

Hazy am thinking of and praying for your family....
I Like........ He has just arrived... lots of loud chainsaw noise eminating from my garden....
I have to go out shortly and supervise the cutting of the large hedge!! I get rather nervous near the chainsaw and more often than not as i start to say something the "brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm" starts and i cant hear my myself think!!

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feedmenow · 15/09/2008 13:21

Ilike, glad to hear I'm not the only one who finds Lotties "front hedge" stuff amusing! Must get minds out of gutter!!!!!

Hazy, thinking of you loads at the mo, and your dh and fil.

Shabs, meant to say yesterday, I thought the nattering old dears lovely! (At least, from what you described!) No beating around the bush (or front hedge!!), just people saying as they see - much better IMO!

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