For Bereaved Mummies. Remembering Jack and our other precious little ones... the sharing of hurt is the beginnning of healing.

[lottiejenkins]

Third time lucky........ Thanks to Shabs and FMN. I hope i can carry the baton as well as you did. I havent made a good start though. Things can only get better.........

Hi all. I went to Evening Prayer tonight. I said a prayer for all our much missed little ones.
Ilike thinking of you your family and Cole tomorrow xx

Holiday song for the last few years

Belly dancing sounds fab - if only I looked like this You got the dance and song right but the body is not willing!!! The head and heart is tho!!

Good night girls. xx

Frasersmummy - yes you are quite right: You have a very special thread here. And it is not only sad - it covers all aspects of live: the tears and the smiles.

Feedme - yes, life is not fair, but in some awkward way the grief has made me more susceptible to others, more human in a way. I think I appreciate what I have more. I am sorry that your DD1 is faced with this aspect of life at such an early stage of her life, but I think she will develop great personal strength from it.

DS is 11 months and just had the first "willfully aggressive" encounter: he was bitten by a toddler. He had a look of shock on his face and started to cry not because of the pain, but he just couldn't grasp it. But then I thought how lucky he is, that this has been the most "aggression" he has experienced so far...

Ilike - I will light a candle here in Colorado for Cole. This way he will be remembered worldwide :-)

Morning girls - Thinking of Cole today and lighting my candles for him and his family. xxxxxx

thinking of you today colexxxxxxxxxxxx

I have just lit my candles now for Cole.

xxxxxx

Thinking of all our dear babies as well xx

happy birthday Cole

hugs to you and your family Ilike

Will be lighting Coles candle when I get home. x

My whole house smells of chocolate, caramel and vanilla - these candles are beautiful.

Thinking of you all x

There is a light shining for Cole in Glasgow tonight

Thank you so much for your thoughtgs and support ladies, it really is appreciated.

Yesterday wasn't as bad as we thought tbh, tomorrow is the anniv of Cole's funeral and then that is the 1st anniv of everything over.

I can't believe it has been a year.

Good morning girls. Does it sometimes feel like yesterday and then sometimes like 100 years ago Move it? Our mind plays cruel tricks sometimes. I was thinking about all of you yesterday. xx

Morning all xx
Shabs i see you joined that group i sent you the link too..........Wilf and i are off shopping this morning then tonight im being a party party girl which should be cool. The much loved and blessed Emily is "Wilfsitting" while i go. Last time i shocked her by dancing up the path singing Dancing Queen at 12.45am!

Morning Lottie - have a great day with the mighty Wilf and enjoy your night out

afternoon everyone..

I was feeling a bit unsettled last night so hit the wine a bit hard

was good at the time.. I was dancing around the living room at 11.30pm

it wasnt soo good at 7am this morning

at least Ross has opted for a quiet day in..he is playing with his dad in the conservatory so i am having an hours peace and quiet... is fab!!

hope you are all ok today

Ilike, I'm glad you got through the day OK.

My children asked what the candle was for so I told them about Cole. Ds blew the candle out when he went to bed and we all said good night to Cole. I find it strange to think that all our living children are growing up with a knowledge that it is sad for them to have, but that they are lucky (although not sure that this is really the right word?) that they can know and understand something as deep as this type of loss.

FM, hope you are enjoying your hours peace and quiet! Tell me, why were you dancing around the living room at 11.30?

Lottie, off being a lush AGAIN tonight!?! Have fun, and have an extra glass for me!!

Shabs, hows things in your neck of the woods? I don't like it when you're down.....

I babysat for Lew last night!!! Dan and Em went out for the first time in 5 months. First time they have ever left him with anyone.

He woke a couple of times because of fireworks outside but I eventually managed to settle him. He has the baby monitor and em got him one of the alarms that fit on the mattress - although it didnt go off I could hear it very quietly on the monitor.

Dan did offer to take it off but I said 'No love dont do that Em feels better with it on.' it was a similar sound to Gareths heart monitor when he was in hospital. Thank God that alarm didn't go off.

I still went up about 30 times and shoved my finger under his nose....was so afraid that something would happen. He will always remember me as Grandma Finger

I know it sounds pathetic but it was quite traumatic because he is the absolute image of Gareth. Never mind, next time, I am sure will be easier.

Nothing wrong with a bit of 11.30pm dancing either FM - you could have been doing much worse

...and Dan and Em had a fab time! Although Em was a nervous wreck before I pushed the pair of them out of the door

frasersmummy - are you ok? I'm asking as I translated 'unsettled' as 'a bit down'. You know we're here if you need to chat.

Shabs - funnily enough yesterday dh said that sometimes it feels like yesterday and other times it's like it happened a lifetime ago. The mind certainly does do funny things to you.

I also know where you are coming from with the beeping of machines. Cole spent a lot of time hooked up to various machines and if I hear them on the tv (on the news or in a drama) I feel sick and have to turn it over. I'm glad that overall you enjoyed babysitting though, it sounded like it was good for you, Dan and Em.

Lottie - enjoy your night out you reat big lush! I had a glass of wine the other night and felt squiffy after that. I certainly couldn't last a whole night at the moment (those were the days!)

FMN - how are you and how many weeks are you now? I hhope your MW and Obs team are taking great care of you (and I mean your emotional well-being as much as your physical well-being.)

Take care one and all xxx

Wilfs got impetigo so wont be going back to school tomorrow afternoon! I hope it soon clears up as i am waiting to hear when the floor can finally come up!!

evening all..

shabs you sound like your babysitting has picked you up a little bit.. or maybe you are just putting a brave face on
Have you talked to Dan and Em about Lewis' resemblance to Gareth??

I was really weepy last night.. couldnt figure out why. as we all know all too well there are no answers at the bottom of a bottle but sometimes it does help in the short term. I dont drink a lot so when I do it goes straight to my head. Result ..I was singing and dancing along to dont forget the lyrics

Lottie life is not treating you well at the moment is it .. hope wilf gets better soon

I agree about sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes a lifetime ago.. but(and I know this is completely stupid)sometimes I feel like it never happened and I am going to wake up from a bad dream

fmn please update us on the pregnancy I think we could all do with some positivity this week

sorry for rambling on .. am off to think about a new thread title

Hae been out and have jsut got in!! Dont have a high opinion of the male species at the moment!!!

We got in at around the same time Lottie!!! I am stone cold sober tho!!! My friends little lad - he's 8 - is called Tommy like my son. Tommy is autistic and has the best sense of humour. He has been humping my leg all night whilst we danced He smells my hair and says 'Awwww Shabba I love you!' We have done the tango, line dancing etc etc. I AM KNACKERED

Babysitting was good but also so very scary - I checked Lew about 30 times cause I thought he was going to die......that sounds totally pathetic now but last night it was strong and 'sensible' in my mind. I couldnt wait for them to come home and I was so afraid. I feel ashamed of my weakness and silly thoughts but it seemed so real at the time.

Good morning girls xx