DH died,family like vultures, advice please.

[Sudagame]

DH died a few weeks ago after a long illness. We had no DC together but his family are driving me mad. Funeral not for two weeks and already have been bombarded with requests for specific items from his lock up, golf clubs, power tools etc to name a few.. l let one SS into the lock up, who up to then was the only one who hadn't asked for anything so l thought l would give him the golf clubs as he shared that hobby with his dad. I told him l was giving him the golf stuff from his dad as l thought he would've liked that. l told him l was unhappy with other members of family continually requesting stuff even though not even had funeral yet.
He came with his wife and sorted out the golfing stuff he wanted, but they were looking round and noticed the power wash and hedge cutters amongst other things. The wife started making comments about the power wash, 'dont get rid of that will you' When l asked why, was told because they will 'have to borrow it'.
Of course l was so taken aback l couldn't think what to say'.
They then carried on looking through stuff and l just got them out as quickly as l could. But not before SS had said to his wife that he would come back and pick up the power wash for her at some point .
I am really upset ,l am always very vocal about never being a lender or borrower and they know this from my complaint about other relatives (some had asked to borrow tools as well since DH died)
I am really disproportionately upset and dramatic l know but l feel betrayed as these two have really supported me and l thought were different as up till now never asked for anything.
I feel as though l have none of DHs family left now unless l join their 'everything is communal' mindset.

Actually everything in the house legally belongs to the OP now, unless her DH left a will specifying that particular items were to go to particular people (or, I suppose, unless the house was left to someone else).

OP, so so sorry you're having to deal with this. Under the circumstances it's entirely reasonable to do what I did when my DH died: simply stop answering the phone for a month unless it has to do with the unavoidable 'sadmin'. For support, look to friends rather than family for a while. And be confident in your rights - they are solid and the only reason you should give away anything is that you decide to - it's entirely up to you - no one else has any legal right to the contents of what is now your house.

(I had the opposite problem: family were so polite about asking for things that I had no idea anyone wanted anything until I'd sold the house and was about to have it cleared out. I'd put aside what I thought DSS would want, but I had no idea what anyone actually wanted. We worked it all out in the end, but at the last minute and narrowly averting bad feeling on all sides... So, it's a difficult time and if families come out of it still speaking, they're lucky!)

No, they absolutely don't have a 'right' to go through things in their late fathers house whilst their step mother still lives there. It's her house now, and her husband's belongings to do with as she wishes unless the will specifically states certain items are to go to a certain person, they don't get to walk in a take what they want....absolutely not!

If he was grieving that much, he wouldn't be working about things like powerwashers! Different if it was something personal that he wanted to remember him by and was worried it would be discarded etc

How would you feel if your husband/wife died and their child came round to your house saw you had a nice looking kettle and they said they’d come back for that, their mum/dad used it a lot, they’re no longer here so they’ll come back and take it? Do they have a right to it?

Apart from things like the golf clubs everything else in the garage is household equipment, is the op expected to go out and buy new stuff so the son can take everything useful? When we went through probate after a relative died we had to buy anything slightly valuable back out of probate so the estate could be fairly divided between beneficiaries. No one should really take anything until the will has been examined by the executors.

It is really distasteful when the vultures gather.

They did get personal items that their dad decided to leave for them, he chose the items for each child.

There is no lesson because Op and her husband did agree in advance what would happen, they each made a will. The children do not need to be a part of agreeing anything.

They will get more from the will when OP dies but he did leave them personal items, is that not enough? They were thought about and considered and he left them what he wanted to leave them

How strange, and rather nasty. You say dad’s wife as if she’s some sort of nuisance hanger-on. Why don’t they just have the house as well, you know, OP’s home, and she can stop ‘getting in the way’ and go and live in a cardboard box. Wait, they can stick her in the lock-up as well!

There’s this thing called marriage…? It has certain legal consequences.

But the family are trying to take things that OP still needs and uses! Golf clubs is one thing, tools from the garage is not appropriate at all.

🙄 really?