For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Sending love to you all. I'm feeling extremely sad tonight. I'm really struggling when people wish me a happy Christmas. They say it with such kindness and good intention, so I try to smile etc. But, obviously it isn't happy at all for me this year. I find it really hard with stuff like that - Christmas greetings and 'how are you?s' are two things I'm struggling immensely with. Because it's so important for me to honour my dad and the grief, but I also want people to feel comfortable and not awkward. So I don't know how to respond. I'm avoiding small talk and social gatherings mostly; but obviously I bump into people unexpectedly etc. I will be glad when Christmas is over. I expect many on here feel the same. Grief is so agonising isn't it...

Hi @WoodlandLove it’s such a hard time sorry you’re struggling. I am a bit too, really.
Even before Christmas I struggled with the how are yous? My bereavement counsellor suggested saying, ‘I’m not ok, but that’s ok’ I haven’t been able to bring myself to do that. Like you I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I usually say something like, ‘o you know, not too bad.’ Which I feel like suggests I’m not ‘good, thanks’ which would be my usual response so honours the fact I’m missing my mum but also doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable. It’s hard to get tone right. With Christmas I’ve just been saying, ‘ I think it’ll be a hard one but we’re finding ways to get through as best as we can..’ or variations on that.
So sorry it truly is agonising, I just want my mum back it’s all so hard ♥️

@dmango thank you. Yes, I've struggled with 'how are you?' throughout too. Very hard to get the balance right. I sort of feel guilty about someone or something whatever I say. I'm rubbish at compartmentalising too, which doesn't help.
I want my dad back. It still doesn't feel real. It feels like a bad dream.
I'm so sorry you're going through similar with your mum. I guess it's a reflection of how much love we feel. If we didn't feel so much love, we wouldn't be grieving so much. It's the painful side of love.
You take lots of care xx

Hugs to you all.
I knew Christmas would be a difficult time. I don’t know how I feel about it all really. On one hand, I love Christmas but I’m also dreading it and want it to be over. I’m feeling numb about it mostly. I do also feel very nostalgic about childhood Christmasses. Now both of my parents are gone, I keep thinking about it and it’s unbearably sad.

Im struggling with the ‘How are you?’s too @WoodlandLove
I don’t want to upset people by telling the truth eg. ‘Well, I’m completely devastated and unbelievably exhausted. In fact, I just want everything to go away while I scream and cry…’
Reckon that might be a tad upsetting tho.. 😆

Instead, I usually go for, ‘Fine. Ups and downs.’ which prompts a sad nod and then people seem to move on to other subjects.

Just sending hugs to you all. It’s hard and difficult and such a poignant time of the year. I lost my beloved dad August 2021, it was sudden, but quite peaceful. I actually broke down and cried, real heart wrenching sobs for over an hour four years later. I think I just bottled it up on a subconscious level, and sometimes up until me breaking down, I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. Mum died Spring 2024. It was prolonged and difficult for her and us trying to care for her. I have just sold the family home and clearing out decades of memories was very hard.
Just want to say I understand your pain.

What I have found helps me is being honest. I don’t say ‘I’m fine “ if I’m not, I say, “I’m struggling today” if I am. People understand, most have been through it. I also acknowledge that grief isn’t linear, there is no straight path to feeling better. Some days the grief is there, but tucked away and I am genuinely ok, other days it’s overwhelming. I go from one day to the next not really knowing what to expect. And that’s ok, I adapt and try to do my best.

I think it was the late Queen who rightly said that grief is the price we pay for love.

❤️ to all.

Hugs to everyone struggling in the run up to Christmas. I am too. Finally got the go ahead from the coroner’s office so will be spending my downtime organising Mum’s funeral. Not how I envisaged it when I invited them to come and stay with us for the festive period a couple of months ago.

As @WoodlandLove says above, it still doesn’t feel real, and I just want her back with us - like a practical joke that I’ve had enough of, now.

Hope everyone manages to have some R&R this week at least.

Big hugs and lots of love to all of you. Its been a few weeks I think since I've added anything. Just over 4 months since my Mum died. Really finding this Christmas surreal, I'm super organised (unusual in itself) but it just feels like I'm going through the motions, without much or any joy.
My daughter in law had a lovely angel tree decoration made for me, which is taking pride of place. Funnily enough I think my Mum would have hated it 😂, she wasnt particularly sentimental or into kitch. But my Dad immediately said he'd love one too for next year, which is sweet.
I also keep reminding myself of the phrase about grief being the price of love ❤️

@madameimadam Are you Me? I’m 5 months in now and want the world to stop so I can get off, but your message in particular resonated with me. Especially telling people precisely how you feel!

What I have realised in the past few weeks is how many darling friends I have who genuinely care. But I just want Thursday over now. DH has made such a huge effort and I don’t want to spend the whole day in tears. I’m so sorry everyone is feeling this too, but I am glad I’m not alone.

@Tolkienwasrightand @madameimadam- same same. I’m 4.5 months in and after a period of relative calm last month I have found the last couple of weeks so odd. Pushing through and doing Xmas things but feeling so numb inside but also on the precipice of a great crash. I am also thinking a lot of past xmass both when I was little and my kids and feeling sad that those times are now gone in so many ways. I am actually looking forward to January and just life being back to normal when there is no extra pressure or expectation to feel the joy. Sending love to everyone on here and some strength for the next few days x

Love to everyone. Such a huge mix of emotions at the moment with Christmas around the corner! 8 months without dad and it still hurts so much, broke down at his grave when we were putting his Christmas tree on, we all bought a decoration for it and will do the same every year now. I'm very honest when someone asks how i am and so far i've not had anyone be offended if it's a bad day! It's ok to not be ok and luckily i'm surrounded by people that get it. Dreading the new year, the first year my dad won't see and somehow that hits harder...

My mum died during an operation on the 17th. I’m just numb. Don’t know how I feel. I’d been caring for her for years, it had been tough. We’d just moved her in with us this year, which had made it a bit better, but she had little quality of life for a long time. So I feel some relief too. But it was unexpected, she fell in the night and broke her hip. I feel like I’m underwater. I came back from the hospital full of a cold. The coroner hasn’t released her yet. I’m trying to keep my business going as Xmas is often busy and it’s been struggling. It is wierd that I’m not crying much. I just feel like I’m watching from afar. It’s not real.

Just wanted to pop on and wish everyone strength and love for the festive period.

My heart goes out to those of you have have recently lost a beloved parent. All you can do is "get through" the minutes and hours and days. I hope you are also able to take solace in the love you have had in your life. Your parent may not physically be here but the love never, ever dies or diminishes.

I'm facing the 5th Christmas without my mum. As someone wisely told me "it doesn't get easier, it just becomes different". It's so very true. Life has never been the same.

We will raise a glass to mum tomorrow, but we won't be sad. We'll honour her in the most poignant way possible - by enjoying her favourite time of year and being together.

❤️

Thank you @Crunchymum I've just woken up in the middle of the night, and realised it's Christmas Day. I feel so sad 😔
I lost my dad less than two months ago, so still very early days, and I feel extremely anxious, almost like I don't know what to do with all my thoughts and emotions; and I think I've woken up due to anxiety.
I'm very spiritual, and believe strongly in life after death. So, I do wonder if my dad will pop over to see us all today? I've felt his presence several times since the funeral. Especially if I've been getting very emotional, I then feel a kind of comfort flow over me, like a reassurance that he's OK...
Whether some of you believe in similar or not, I'm wishing you all as peaceful a day as possible. I realise it's very unlikely to be a happy day for those similarly recently bereft; but hopefully peaceful and relaxing.
Roll on the next day.
Take care and lots of love to all ❤️

I’m actually having a fairly peaceful day. Just myself and my husband. We are drinking the bucks fuzz we’d bought for mum (she always started any special day off with Buck’s Fizz) and then we’ll walk the dogs. Mum dying has meant people are letting us have a quiet one, which I quite like. It still doesn’t feel real. The only upsetting thing is the pile of unwrapped presents I had bought for her.

Wishing you all a gentle day.xx

@Gingercar That’s so hard, I’m so sorry 😞
Glad you’re having a peaceful day though. It will still feel very unreal, I remember feeling very distanced from myself. I feel like it’s the body’s way of protecting us from the intensity of grief. Sorry you’re going through this at Christmas, it’s so hard even 9 months down the line.
I hope your day continues peacefully x

Been to see mum at the cemetary and raised a glass to her.
Been a weird day, far too quiet.

I hope everyone is managing to celebrate the festive season despite feeling the way we all do at the moment ❤️

@Gingercar I also started my day with a bucks fizz. It was what traditionally both me and my mum always do at Christmas or birthdays. So I raised my glass to her and wished her Merry Christmas, wherever she might be today.

Hi all I lost my dad suddenly on 23rd he was in hospital for 2 weeks before that and we were over the moon to bring him home for Xmas and he was over the moon to be home as he hated it there x he was so happy with himself gor wrapping all the grandkids christmas presents himself x the next morning my mum called devastated as she had found him he had passed in his sleep x I have found it so hard today and yesterday opening g the presents he worked so hard to wrap for us all I feel like it's physical pain xxx

That’s so sad @Sleepybear1234 I’m so sorry ❤️ that’s incredibly hard. Take very good care of yourself, I can’t imagine how hard it must be, sending you lots of love xx

Thanks so much xx

I’m so sorry @Sleepybear1234 . It must be so much harder trying to keep up a fun front for the children.

Thank you xx It's the hardest thing I have ever done x

Thats so very sad @Sleepybear1234 , genuinely sorry for you and your families loss, especially at this time of year. The early days are very hard xxx

Thank you x 💔

So sorry for your loss @Sleepybear1234