For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

@Gingercar I absolutely love that daffodil idea ❤️ putting grief into something positive with nature is amazing 🤩

Sadly joining this thread.
My dad died suddenly yesterday. Took the dog for a walk and never came home.

Oh @XenoBitch- I’m so sorry. I have some idea how you are feeling. My dad very suddenly died last week. The trauma and shock is breathtaking. I’m here. X

I’m so sorry to read that @XenoBitch, must have been an awful shock.

You’re welcome to use it.
My mum always loved yellow and was a big cyclist, always in fluro yellow, so I put a photo of my mum on a sticker that said “a little flash of yellow to remind you of her every year” and put it on the pots. People loved them, and it’s a nice thought that there are 90 little daffodils dotted around in memory of my mum.

I'm so sorry @XenoBitch what a horrible shock.

So sorry for your loss @XenoBitch x

I'm so sorry for your loss @XenoBitch thinking of you and everyone on this thread. It's an awful club we've all joined 😢

Thank you. This is a horrible club I didn't think I would be joining this week. I feel so weird. Detached and numb. I was talking on the phone to my mum when my dad was saying bye and taking their dog out. A lady found their dog and brought him back. Bless her, she took a card and some flowers to my mum today too.
I have not been able to visit my mum yet, but she has great support from other family, friends and neighbours right now. I hope to go next week.

My dad died in January of a poorly managed and treated rare cancer and we had his funeral/celebration of life a week ago. I thought I was doing OK until this week, but I'm feeling angry, sad, dead inside and everything else all at once. It's half term and I'm a teacher, but don't see how I'm going to manage next week's offering of teenage hormones at the moment. I'm also struggling to support my mum, just don't even feel like calling her today.

So sorry to everyone here 😪 this is shit. My darling dad's funeral is next week. That's 3.5 weeks since he died. I've been to the cemetery and saw that they have dug his lair (?) which was so sad. I'm dreading the family line up. I'm going to put some letters from me and the kids and some photos in his coffin tomorrow. Not sure if I will see him, I sat with him for a while after he died. The woman I spoke to at the funeral home said she goes in and says hello to him every morning. I found that quite comforting. She said he's in the room next door. I didn't know it was set up like that.

Taking the leap and posting after recently losing my mum. She was my best friend and I'm struggling to get my head around the fact she's no longer here. We have had her funeral but it still doesn't feel real. I'm not sure how I begin to process everything that has happened over the last month.

I'm also starting to struggle a bit with guilt that life has carried on, and that I'm no longer crying all day, despite the fact I feel her loss all the time. I'm guessing this is normal and will ease with time. So sad to be part of this club.

@BoyMumOfOne82 - I’m so sorry you’re having to be here. Please don’t feel guilt about carrying on with life and not crying daily. I am 6 months in and have had periods like that and felt guilty. Then randomly i go through periods where I do cry a lot and it reminds me it’s still there under the surface . For me it depends how busy life is and how much time I have to think. Grief is not linear at all - and surprise me still! Just go with however you are feeling and take strength from the times you are not crying as you may need that strength at another point! I’m sure our bodies help get us through it by sending it in waves as it would just be too much otherwise x

Almost 4 years for me and I'm struggling today. Wish I could have my mum back.
Love to you all. We're a club not many of us wanted to join

Sending love and support today to my fellow newbies and those that are further out, but struggling. Tiny baby steps forward, eye on the horizon and know that the darkest moments, when they come, will not last.

I am really struggling tonight , 16 days since my mum died . I just don’t know what to do with myself as I gave up my job to care for her . Almost every single day I went to her house, she was all that was right with this world .

I'm so sorry @Marvellousmeadows, there's nothing to compare this feeling of your whole world shifting like this. Do you have friends or family you can talk to and who can be with you, or even someone to message who can support you? When I lost my dear mum last year an old friend was very supportive that way and it helped when all I wanted to do was talk about my mum. She'd not long lost her own lovely mum too and she really knew what I was going through in a way others didn't.

My husband has been excellent but I am feeling like I should stop crying all the time . He works really long hours so I am alone a lot , funnily enough I was ok today and then that intense wave of grief came again . I hate the thought mum is in the undertakers and now it’s been too long to see her, I was holding her hand when she died and she looked beautiful.

I don't think there's any "should"... of course it's okay to still be crying on and off, it's all still so new and recent for you it's no wonder and even when it's not it's still okay to cry. I understand the pull to want to be with your mum. I didn't see my own mum at the undertakers but I wrote her a letter and took it with some photos and her favourite flowers to go in with her and the undertaker was so kind, I really felt they were looking after her there.

My mum lost her spouse, she tells me about all the cards and flowers she has got. My brother was estranged from my dad but he been given food and drinks for the past few days.
I am stuck where i am due to disabilities, but I have not had a single card or anything. My mum has said she does not need me there as she has lots of support but I need my mum. I need someone too.

Are you on your own @XenoBitch? I think I’d just go to your mum’s. It might be easier to be “in the thick of it” She might think she doesn’t need you, but I bet she’d change her mind if you were there.
And if it makes you feel better, I think people just automatically send cards to the closest person. I got loads of cards when my mum died, yet my brother got none.

Yes I am on my own. I have a DP (I dont live with him) and it has triggered feelings about losing his own dad so he has just out right avoided me.
I have no one at all here.

@XenoBitch Im so sorry to hear this.

And to everyone else going through it. Its been just over sixteen months since losing my dad the grief is in waves

Oh @XenoBitch that's so hard to navigate the first few days without support. I think you would probably feel better with your mum.
I'm from a Northern Irish family, and the funerals happen far sooner there. Traditionally 3 days, but in my Dad's case, as my siblings and I all had to travel over from GB they gave us 6 days. So, I had to rush over asap, and then it was all hands on deck planning the funeral. It was very important for me to be there, and being at my parents' house, seeing my Dad's empty chair etc was heartbreaking, but also gave me several days to intensely grieve before and after the funeral.
I think it's really unfair in England that people almost have to put their grief on hold for weeks sometimes due to very delayed funerals. The Irish way is kinder and more human I think - friends and relatives bring round cakes and comfort etc on the run up to the funeral, they wouldn't let you be alone!
So, my heart goes out to you that you're dealing with this alone, and I hope you can get some more support from family and friends. Could you just tell your mum you'd like to be there? She'd probably value the support once you arrive.
It's good you've got this thread in the meantime. So, you're not alone in that sense. You take care x

@XenoBitchGo to your mum. I don’t think anyone makes rational decisions in these days. Just go with your gut - it won’t steer you far wrong. Xxx