For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

Sending you hugs! Be kind to yourself 😊 It's so raw at the moment. Just take each day as it comes.

@Theonlyoneiknow I typed out a long message to you last night but then the app crashed 😣
I’m so sorry about your lovely dad 💔 I just wanted to say, re the thoughts of him struggling and images of his body, I totally hear you. I had this early on too (dad died Sept 24). Please know that in time this will pass. But in the meantime, it helped me to remember that 1. He wouldn’t want me to be torturing myself. 2. As humans we naturally focus on endings, but remember he had a whole lifetime of wonderful experiences with his family and he certainly knew he was loved, try not to focus purely on the ending. 3. I know it’s cliche, but he’s no longer suffering.
Sending you so much love ❤️ please look after yourself x

Thanks all, I've spent this morning reading 5+ yrs of our whatsapp messages which brought comfort. I know next week will be busy, making all the funeral arrangements. I'm hoping to have a piper play at his funeral so have been looking for some music. Doing random chores like ironing. I miss him xx

I'd like to join this thread. My Dad died two weeks ago of metastatic lung cancer. In the end he was very frail and just before he died we had a few days where he was unconscious. I'm glad I was able to see him during this time and tell him how much I loved him. He died the following day. The funeral is on the 11th Feb and I've been visiting and being in regular contact with my step Mum and my brother to make the arrangements.

As far as these things go, everything is going well with the funeral plans and I'm managing day to day. However there's a huge hole in my life and I often feel bewildered. It seems as though everything is going along as normal, while I'm dealing with a huge loss. I sometimes feel in physical pain (heaviness in the chest). I know all this is normal, but it's just awful. I'm trying to look after myself as best I can and get through each day. Solidarity to each of you going through similar x

Thinking of you @FuzzyGalgo . You sound like you are doing well, despite the waves of upset. You’ve just got to keep plodding away. 💐 The grief comes from nowhere sometimes.

I am 3 weeks on from losing my beloved dad. Just reaching out @FuzzyGalgo to send you a hug. This is an awful 'club' that I never wanted to be part of :(

@FuzzyGalgo sending lots of love. My dad died of the same thing and the end was heartbreaking so just reaching out to give you 💐

So sorry @FuzzyGalgo cancer is so utterly horrendous. It had metastasized for my dad too. I've been going round to his house and sitting there and listening to some of his favourite music. Sending love x

Thank you all, I appreciate the kindness and solidarity (though I wish none of us were going through this). We've had a busy time with organising the funeral, which is next Wednesday. There have been some lovely moments, such as finding a photo album containing some amazing pictures of my Dad's early life. I'd never seen them before. I've also reconnected with some of my cousins, who have always been lovely people, but we've all been so caught up in our own lives that we haven't been in contact. I'm doing ok day to day, but then out of nowhere the grief hits. I'm lucky that I have support from my DH and my brother. It's my DSs' first loss. They're young adults, but still live at home and I don't think they quite know what to do with their feelings. I think the funeral will be the time it hits them. Love to you all and thank you x

Just checking back in. My wonderful Mum died in November, and we were finally able to have her funeral yesterday. Everything went brilliantly - it was a day she would’ve loved (apart from the circumstances, of course…). I was in project management mode all day making sure it went to plan - I didn’t need to really as the funeral director, celebrant, and caterers were so great, but it was a coping mechanism too I suppose. Anyway, it’s brought it all back to the surface a bit but glad she’s at rest now. Thinking of all those going through the same x

I am really glad the funeral went so well, it can be a great comfort to know we have laid them to rest in the best way for them (although like you say can be raw afterwards). 💐

Hello all. Can I join this shittiest of threads? My lovely, fit, apparently healthy dad died suddenly yesterday. We are all extremely close. He did a lot for us and had a really bonded relationship with his grandkids. I feel numb, angry, anxious and unsafe. I keep replaying the telephone call from my sister. I’ve never felt the world shift from under my feet, but now I have. I know it’s very early days. But I’m struggling a lot.

Very sorry for your loss, @forgivingfiggy.

I am very sorry @forgivingfiggy take it one minute at a time and just try to stay in the moment, riding out the waves💐

@forgivingfiggy I'm so sorry you find yourself here but I hope it gives you support. My mum died very suddenly and unexpectedly last April and I can fully understand that feeling of having your whole world shifting under your feet. Take care of yourself, and as others have said, take each moment and wave of grief as it comes.

@forgivingfiggy I'm really sorry for your loss, it truly does take the world from under your feet in that moment and nothing can prepare you. Thinking of you and hoping you can get through the next days and weeks x

Thanks folks. The waves really are something else. Thank you. Every hour, bit by bit.

So sorry @forgivingfiggy- I hate that you’ve had to join us. I was where you are last August and the emotions were crazy. I was in such a weird fog yet feeling all the emotions too - it’s quite hard to explain . It really was earth shattering. You can’t really control it or do anything other than let it happen and ride the waves - Google the ‘grief comes in waves’ analogy - it’s been so true for me. Look after yourself x

I lost my beautiful mum on Friday , she was 87 and had been unwell for about 12 weeks . My sensible head says she’s lived a long life and everyone dies , my heart is constantly pounding and I feel physically sick today . She was everything to me .

@Marvellousmeadows- I’m so sorry. I feel the same about my dear dad. He was 80 and I struggle with the whole ‘he had lived a fairly long happy life in good health and he was old’ versus my actual reality of ‘how is he not here any more - it’s not fair he could have had more years ’ . All feelings are valid and I’ve realised that you would probably feel much the same whenever and however this happened - at the end of the day you have lost your parent who is irreplaceable and the shock of that is physically overwhelming. I had that heart pounding sick and panic too I think it’s a bit of shock. Be kind to yourself and feel whatever gives you any smal comfort. And do share here - I found (and still do!) this thread so supportive and helpful x

@elmleemum very kind words, grieving is awful . I am just so glad I had her in my life for so long ❤️

My dad just died. I live hours away, and I had appointments to be at (my baby’s first vaccines, he died when she turned 2 months old) so I said bye at the hospice knowing I couldn’t go back for another week or two. It was the worst day - we both cried and knew we might not see each other again. But we didn’t say it out loud.

He seemed fine - part of me thought the doctors were wrong. But he died a week later and I wasn’t there.

I feel so much guilt that I wasn’t brave enough to say all the things I should have said. I also didn’t hug him or kiss him. We had to wear an apron and gloves for infection control so I held his hand with gloves on. How stupid is that? Why didn’t I just hug him?

Hope your dad's funeral today was okay @FuzzyGalgo , mine is another 10 days away.

Hugs to everyone else - this is such a shit club. I am in disbelief/shock though, I don't think I can process things until after the funeral. I have been spending a lot of time in his house, talking to him - getting comfort from sitting on his sofa where he was last sitting before getting rushed into hospital.

Aw I’m so sorry @Walfig Please be kind to yourself. He knew he was loved, hug or not. It must have been so difficult having a baby too. I was the same with both of my parents. I think I was a it in denial. Didn’t believe it was happening. But I hope they knew. And I still tell them and talk to them.

@Theonlyoneiknow I have been going to my Mum’s house and tidying up, I am the same getting comfort from being in her surroundings. I gave up my job to look after her so I don’t know what to do with myself now . Think I am going to do some volunteering until I feel mentally strong enough to get a job . I did a little window display for her and will keep it doing until her funeral , won’t be for another month yet I find that hard . She’s going to be buried next to my dad in a beautiful meadow.