For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (September 2025)

[Crunchymum]

A follow on from the nearly full old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4932881-for-anyone-needing-support-after-losing-a-parent-very-supportive-thread-november-2023?page=40&reply=147297138

I hope this thread continues to be a place of warmth, support and shared wisdom.

@Idontknowhatnametochoose Yes that happens to me too. It’s horrible it’s like when it first happened and waking up each morning was like remembering it was real and not just a nightmare all over again 😞
@Tolkienwasright I’m glad you go through Christmas period ok. I haven’t begun the clearing/selling part yet but dreading it and can only imagine how hard it will be, sending you love as you tackle this x

Saw this today and it really resonated with me:

Grief is like glitter.

The moment your world shatters, it’s as if someone threw it into the air — and it rained down over everything. It settles into your skin, your hair, the deepest cracks of your life.

You try to sweep it up, desperate to feel in control of something. You think you’ve cleared it away… until it shows up again. Months later. Years later. In the corner of a picture frame you dust every week. On the sleeve of a sweater you’ve worn a dozen times without noticing it was there. Stuck to the floor where the light hits just right and suddenly it’s undeniable again.

You’ll never get it all. It will always be there — this glitter of grief, catching the light in both beautiful and brutal ways.

Written by: Aimee Suyko - In Their Footsteps

My mum died in November, 4 months after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We had no idea until her diagnosis.
Despite the prognosis being life limiting, it hadn’t spread so we were expecting treatment to extend her life but she actually died very unexpectedly after developing sepsis. I’d been laughing and joking with her the day before and she just deteriorated suddenly that night.
I still feel like it hasn’t sunk it fully. We were very close and spoke every day. She was 69 😞

@WhereAreYouBoot I'm sorry for your loss, it is such a shock when it happens. I hope you can find some comfort in reading this thread I know I have often come back to it when I'm feeling down.

So sorry for your loss. My mum died from sepsis in Nov too, it’s just awful. Hope you are doing ok.

Sepsis finished my dad off too a few years ago - and left him so weak he got allsorts of other things too.

My mum’s funeral is on Tuesday. A month after she died. Just rushing around trying to get everything sorted. It still hasn’t hit me yet. People keep tiptoeing around me but I’m ok. I suspect it will rush in afterwards when I can stop.

I lost my amazing dad on Tuesday. I drove through the night and got to the hospital so thankfully I was there. He was poorly with different things but it was unexpected.
I'm just numb, weepy, angry, sad, lethargic. Everything, I just feel everything.
I can't foresee that I'll ever not be sad.

@NonstopMam- I am so so sorry. I was where you were 5 months ago. Dad had a few health niggles but went suddenly of sepsis (sending love to the previous posters also in the sepsis boat - so hard to come to terms with). I felt absolutely awful for those first days and weeks / like I’d never felt before with a million different feelings all swallowing me up and it felt so foggy and unreal. What I can say is that has eased and whilst I do still feel so sad and like life has changed permanently and I still have a cry most days (some a few tears and sometime a proper weep) and it still shocks me when I remember what’s happened - that overwhelm is not like it was in those first days/weeks. Take each day at a time and don’t expect much of yourself / it’s so hard. Just feel your emotions or what your body wants to do. This board helped me a lot knowing I wasn’t alone. Take care x

I’ve never posted before but I lost my dad suddenly 2 days ago. We were on holiday at the time, I knew he was in bed with the flu but he passed away in his sleep. I know for him it was peaceful, he’d been fighting prostate cancer for 22 years and was terrified of dying so I do take some comfort that he knew nothing about what was happening. We flew home today after the longest journey of my life. I can’t face my mum or going to their house, I just want to lock myself away and not have to face the reality of it all. At the moment I don’t want to go to the funeral, I just feel empty. I feel I’ve lost any bit of strength I’ve ever had and can’t see a way through it. I just want my Dad

Just sending love to those who have lost a beloved mum or dad recently. It’s a hard journey and the first part feels like your whole world has shattered. This thread is a lovely place to come and be supported.
Take things slowly and be kind to yourself ♥️

@Racecarr23 I’m so sorry, that’s so tough when it’s so sudden. I’m glad you have been able to take comfort in your dad not knowing. I felt the same when I lost my dad 15 years ago, he also went in his sleep.
It’s so normal to feel like you do and you can’t face things, you will be able to just take your time. I know that feeling just yesterday I said,‘I just want my mum,’ and I’m 10 months in.
just sending you love really and take care of yourself, you will feel in shock for a good while I’m sure ♥️

Im reaching out as it's day 4 for me and I just want my dad too. I can't believe it. I'm so envious of everyone that has their dad still. X

I’m so sorry you’re enduring this pain, i just can’t see a way forward from this. My sisters and brother are holding things together but I’m the youngest and always had a special bond with my dad. He’s treated my husband like a son as well so I can see the pain it’s causing him but I can’t do anything to help him xx

I'm so sorry for everyone who finds themselves here. And I'm thinking of you all. For those of you who lost a parent suddenly and unexpected, I lost my mum back in April, completely unexpectedly. I even spoke to her a few hours before she died, not even realising it was our last conversation. My whole life changed in that moment. I know it's a cliche but it does get easier to manage those feelings with time. I still have and I think I may always will have, moments where I just want my mum. I just want to have a chat with her. I have days where it feels all too much but you just have to take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself.

Just revisiting this thread as it provides comfort when I need it. Love to you all in this horrible place.

Feeling really sad tonight. Lost my mum in 2022 and Dad in November. I feel like I’ve just been pretending to be me. I function and exist but I don’t really feel much.

Everyone has commented on how well I’m doing but I’ve no idea whats really going on. I’m utterly numb.
It’s like everyone expects me to be over it by now but I don’t think I’ve even begun to start processing this.
Going through the motions. I’ve cried lots but I’m not a crier. I’m very happy to talk about what happened but can do this almost robotically as if it happened to someone else in a film. Is this normal? Or have I totally disassociated from it and it’s all going to come crashing down at some point?

love to you if you feel this way xxx

I lost my Dad on Friday. He fought oesophageal cancer for nearly 2 years. I feel traumatised by seeing his rapid deterioration during his last week- he couldn’t even speak during his final days. I don’t think it’s sunk in yet that he’s gone but I try to take comfort that he’s at peace now and no longer suffering from that awful disease

My dad rapidly declined too. He went into hospital last Saturday, on Sunday we thought he was stable but would probably be in all week...then he died last Tuesday. I didn't expect it until the last few hours when it was inevitable.
It's shit. There's no other way of saying it. X

I’m sorry for your losses @Montybsp and @NonstopMam.

It was my mum’s funeral today. I’m really proud of how many people turned out for her. It was obviously emotional at the Crem, but the wake was lovely, so many people sharing their memories and smiles. I am exhausted though. It’s been a long time coming with delays over Xmas and waiting for the coroner.

Changed my name as fairly outing. My mum died two weeks ago today. We knew it was end of life but thought we had a few more weeks. I was about a third of the way through a 3.5 hour train journey going up to look after her for the weekend when I got a call to say she had died, I was on my own and all I could do was sit there and call some people. What got me was not a single person around me asked if I was ok.

I'm pretty sure my mum chose when to die, an unusual moment when she was alone. We still haven’t got the death certificate. As with my dads death I’m dealing with all the death admin, my brother is more practical and due to proximity did a lot more of the day to day stuff when they were alive.so that’s fair. Went through all the pictures today to find some for the funeral slide show.

But can’t do much now without the death certificate. Its ridiculous. Apparently religious burials are being prioritised so it slows down the rest. That’s not fair.

We lost my brother in law very suddenly and unexpectedly three months ago and my husband is dealing with his grief )as we all are) over that sudden loss PIL are struggling enormously. But don’t want to pass on any more burden to him. It’s been a time of really finding out who your friends are for us and has led us to some uncomfortable realisations about some people around us we thought were really good friends..

I had a month off work last year due to the stress and anxiety when my mum was told she didn’t have long and BIL died. I had a bit of a break down at work on Thursday - I genuinely just can’t face work atm. Or rather can’t cope if things even go the slightest bit wrong. My prefrontal cortex keeps shutting down and I can’t speak. I just feel so overwhelmed and stuck and lack of death certificate is starting to get me really angry.

I’m sorry for your loss and your struggle.
I lost my mum on the 17th Dec and we didn’t get the death certificate until the 30th (don’t think Xmas helped) and only just had the funeral this week. We only got an interim one as they had to investigate as she fell and then died during an operation. They say this is normal but the court won’t take place until March and some of her banks won’t release funds without a full death certificate. This is really bugging me as the interim one is good enough for the government to stop her pension etc, and good enough for her to have a funeral, so why not a bank!!
And yes you find out who your friends are. One of mine closed her business down last week. I took her a card, chocs and Prosecco. She hasn’t even sent me a card. But hey ho. We’ve just got a keep plodding onwards. Big hugs to you.x

@WellthisisdifficultI’m really sorry for your loss(es), and that nobody on the train even acknowledged you. We lost dad in October and he went in the 40 minute window that everyone was out of the house (he was on palliative but was still at home with a view of him going to a hospice in the coming weeks, we weren’t expecting him to go when he did) so know the shock of thinking there’s still a bit more time. Completely agree with finding out who your friends are - I’ve had an eye opener regarding one of my very longtime supposed best friends.

In terms of work, I only went back to work a couple of weeks ago since losing dad. We’ve got his tree planting and ashes interment coming up soon and I can already feel the overwhelm creeping in and I’m noticing it at work too.

Sending you lots of love - this thread will hopefully be able to give you a bit of comfort, and we’re all hear to read about your mum if you want to talk about her. Take care x

Thanks, sorry to hear about your Dad I hope the tree planting is peaceful and helps with the grief. We lost my Dad 4 years ago on March I was alone with him and somehow, even though I was a lot closer to him than my mum, I’m finding this more difficult. I feel in free fall. Things just keep hitting me like no one will ever call me their daughter again. I’m now the oldest generation, I just feel like I’ve lost all identity. Like I’ve nothing to latch onto.

couldn’t speak this morning. Waiting for the dr to call.

My mum and I had a difficult relationship and that’s making things harder as the grief feels so complex

Hi everyone, my wonderful kind selfless dad died yesterday morning. I'm utterly heartbroken.

He had throat cancer a couple of years ago - got through the other side (it was rough few months) then found out it early December 2025 it had metastasized to most places - bones, lungs etc. He had lost a lot of weight and was very frail. Had one immunotherapy treatment just before Christmas but went downhill after that - with a couple of hospital visits - before going in last Sunday with 8 broken ribs (due to bone cancer) and pneumonia. It was soon apparent he wouldn't survive this and was put on a syringe driver with pain relief.

I saw him every day, but got there about an hour after he died on Friday morning. All I could see when I closed my eyes was him struggling, he said he wanted it to end. It was so distressing to see. I played him voice notes from his dear grandchildren, he was crying. I love him so much. I didn't know whether I should see him after he died, but I decided to - as the image of him struggling was awful - but now his body is all that I can picture.

I'm calm one minute doing the ironing then a broken sobbing mess the next.

I’m so sorry. It sounds quite traumatic. You will be reeling. I think you just have to go with the flow. Cry when it comes, and just plod on as best you can. Do you have people around you that you can lean on?

My DP is a great support and my brother too. So we are both arranging the funeral together. Parents were separated but DM is still in our lives, although relationships are a bit fractured which makes it all a bit harder. I fluctuate between being calm and then full blown sobbing.

I’m so sorry. Losing a loved parent is so so hard. Your emotions will be all over the place during this period - just let them come and don’t expect too much of yourself. Im 6 months on and still so emotional but nothing like those early days of raw shock and emotion abd adjustment to your new reality. Come and talk here when you need. I regularly check in as my real life support thinks I’m ‘better’ but I still need time and space for my grief