This is life (after passing of DH)

[Hisredipad]

I spent a while searching for a post to join in but didn’t find anything like I wanted.

I just want somewhere to pop daily and say things I can’t say IRL.

fell free to join me

today was our big anniversary and im feeling sad he’s not here to celebrate it with but I bought myself something I saw yesterday im sure he would have bought me. Bizarrely opened a drawer just a moment ago and found last year’s anniversary card and the sweet words he’d written.

Happy anniversary DH, xx years were the best ever xxxxx

Ah that’s so lovely. Hope you’re ok op.

Nothing I can do or say to ease your loss, but I do feel for you and hope you have friends and family to help you adjust

I'm sorry for your loss.
I think this will be a lovely thread that you’ve started help people feel less alone.

❤️💕❤️
What a lovely idea - firstly happy anniversary to you! And buy yourself something from him, you think he'd have bought it and that means a lot!

I am married to my first real love still but I miss my parents whom I had a difficult out relationship with at times and I'd love to buy myself a piece of opal jewellery soon as my dad loved to buy opal. He bought me earrings as a teen which were totally rubbish for someone of that age and I can't find them but I'd love to get something this June, 15 years after his death.
Sending 💕💕

Happy anniversary OP.
I hope you enjoy the gift 🌷

So sorry for your loss.

Thank you all, it’s been a bitter sweet day. So many tears (poor Sainsbury driver turned up early and was rather sweet when I explained).

People say you get over each of those firsts, every blinking day is another first day without him. We lived in each others pockets, life has such a huge hole in it.

Thinking of you, OP. Yes, all the days are so hard.

I've been in this "club" for 14 years this year and life is pretty good now. But boy, I've really missed DH this week. I miss him every day but this week has been awful for some reason. No idea why.

I like the idea of this thread OP, somewhere to come to vent or have a silent sob. So sorry for your loss xx

Sending you a massive hug, OP. I’m just over two years in and the first year was like a series of aftershocks. Like you I buy myself presents I’m sure he would have bought me (I sometimes allow myself a bit of artistic licence…) and like you we lived in each others pockets. A close friend sent me a lovely saying about how our grief doesn’t get smaller but that our lives grow larger around it. I am slowly starting to feel that. Hugs x

Yes, an older cousin told me something similar. It's 4 years for me now.

I'm glad you marked your anniversary, and how lovely that you found last year's card xxx

My boyfriend died 4 weeks ago, just about now in fact.
I'm still all over the place. Fortunately people are still checking in regularly so whoever contacts me each day just gets whatever random thought is in my head. I'm not looking forward to whenever people think I should be getting back to normal and stop the daily hand hold.

So glad you bought yourself something and when you saw it it made you think of dh ❣️

I am so very sorry.

The night after my husband died, I had to look for our marriage certificate. In the process, I stumbled across a love letter that he'd written to me before we were really an item. I'd quite forgotten about it.

@atiaofthejulii sorry for your loss, I was the same, DH died just after Christmas and for many weeks I lived in a fog with the strangest feelings all day but that has lessened now and I am able to function again but get caught out at the most unexpected moments.

@WearyAuldWumman we live life don’t we, day on day, we don’t often declare our feelings because we are sound in the knowledge they are known by the other but so lovely to be reminded of it and have a permanent memory to cherish.

Thank you for all your stories, it’s comforting to know that there are others who understand our sadness. Last week a neighbour a few doors down I’d not seen stopped and chatted but told me after five years it doesn’t get any better which I found a bit shocking thinking id have to feel like I did for years. I can understand the waves of it, fortunately I feel calmer now, if that makes sense.

but I don’t want to forget him, I don’t want to be alone in my life but then too I don’t want anyone else, I want him back.

I’ve already suffered the ‘thought it best not to talk about DH’, jeez he’s hardly gone, I want to talk about him, I can tell you all because we are just us that in sorting DH’s affairs and things I came across a lock of his hair from his first haircut aged 2 in a tiny envelope and I blow it a kiss every time I go by it on the chest of drawers in our bedroom.

sending you all hugs

Hugs back to you @Hisredipad .

Happy anniversary op 🌷

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dh.

You won’t forget him.

Sending strength to atiaofthejulii too

Hugs back @Hisredipad .

This is a lovely idea OP and sorry for your loss. I lost my DH last summer and he was only 59. I agree the 'firsts' are difficult to get through. I still look through the photos from his final weeks and of the funeral because I still can't quite believe he's gone. We have his 60th birthday coming up soon to get through, which will be a sad day. Trying to think of something meaningful to do to mark the occasion.

So sorry for your loss

I'm sorry, @SparklyGlitterballs . Yes, the firsts are hard. I remember weeping the first time I saw crocuses after my husband died. (He used to love seeing them.)

Four and a half years since my wife died; I've been trying to find energy and motivation to get put and live the life that's left to me but it's very hard. I've tried dating, but my heart isn't in it, so I've stopped. I feel like I'm living life in black and white; all the colour has gone

But I keep plugging away...one thing is for sure about life; everything changes

been to my once a month club thing that I’ve not been to for about six months, sat with friends but didn’t join in much as just too exhausted to think but I enjoyed the company.

I wondered about grief counselling but can’t see it helping, I just want or need to say stuff as it enters my head, not wait for a time and a place, came home and slept a bit but still feel exhausted, I’d like to do my hobby things, it’s all packed away and I can’t find the energy to get it out.

did anyone try grief counselling, what were your thoughts if you did?

I ended up having counselling because the DCs school got Winstons Wish in. Through them, we all ended up with another counselling group, and they did group sessions for the parents. It was actually so therapeutic and in a strange way, I really miss them

@Emptyandsad Same here 😞