Trying to cope with late miscarriage at 18 weeks😪

[MomLostInTheClouds]

Hallo there,

I've been here for a while and read hundreds of similar stories like mine...
It helped me not to feel so alienated with my loss (never knew there's such a thing like late miscarriage!), but still - it hasn't soothed my pain.

I literally can't understand what had happened (it's raw, just 2.5 weeks ago, with burial on last Friday and follow up appointment with the consultant still to be scheduled after my bloods and placenta results come back; we didn't opt for PM).

I'm 39, have 2 healthy boys (thank God, they keep me sane!) and generally healthy. Before getting pregnant I had my bloods done too and everything (but low vitamin D which I supplemented) was fine. I used to be treated for hypothyroidism, but my TSH and whole thyroid profile came good too. I also lost some weight before (I have always been big, but managed to stay fit and did my zumba workouts religiously).

Got green light to get pregnant and couldn't believe it happened so fast. In a month we saw 2 lines! I was over the moon imagining a little dumpling joining our family, reorganised the rooms up to have space for nursery and dreamt of a newborn's smell...

Everything was like in the 2 previous pregnancies: intensive morning sickness up to 13th week, food aversions, fatigue, etc. The only thing different was yellowish discharge, but since I had no itching, burning or any other symptoms, I was told it is normal.

I was putting on weight, bump was becoming more visible and I could feel his first flutters. What a feeling!

Wednesday, 1st of June (International Children's Day)... things started to get weird.

I woke up very tired and in the night felt pain all over my tummy and found it hard to breathe - like pain in my lungs. Put it down to sleeping too long on the right side and getting bigger. Went to the toilet to find light pink discharge on my panties. Again, a bit puzzled, but when I wiped, there was nothing so again, tried not to worry and spent time with kiddos watching cartoons, playing, eating. Seemingly a normal day of a pregnant tired mommy...

Now I think that it wasn't normal as my gut feeling kept on telling me I haven't really felt baby flutters in a long time (put it down to feeling under the weather and being busy with kids). Then period like cramping started to creep in making me unable to stand. I also felt some pressure in my pelvis which was quite familiar from previous pregnancies, so again, went on with my day. By the evening, I was knackered and went early to sleep even though I wiped a lot of brown discharge during my last toilet visit.

2 am. Sharp abdominal pain and literally labor like contractions coming and going made me jump out of the bed, get dressed and grab my pregnancy file. I ran down to my husband to arrange going to the hospital. Just wanted to visit the toilet thinking it was a sudden bowel movement... but after sitting there for 2-3 minutes, no pushing... a baby and blood popped out of me. I could not believe it. Shaking I looked down and felt the umbilical cord and another gush of blood. Then I just remember my husband calling for ambulance and being rushed to the hospital with a paramedic holding my sleeping bundle of joy.

The reality hit me in the hospital bed. I was struggling to deliver my placenta when my little boy (perfect!) was brought to me in a tiny white basket covered with a crocheted blue blanket, and when they started to take his foot prints and our photos, and handed me a memory box. Holding this memory box and my wee boy on my chest shouted out loud to me that IT IS OVER!

Why?
Why... how?
So fast...?
With few warning signs?
In 1 day?
All over?
All my hopes, dreams...taken away.
Buried.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
WHAT DID I DO?!

Was it because I have a cat?
Did I get toxoplasmosis? (Was cleaning her litter box)
Was it that Mc Donald's meal I had few hours ago?
Or was it the last coffee? (I SHOULDN'T HAVE DRUNK COFFEE!)
Was it my age?
My weight?
Some other infection in the womb?
Placenta?

...

There are days I still feel pregnant.
I still rub my tummy.
I see my baby in front of my eyes and cry everyday.
I see his little coffin.
I see his little clothes (his first clothes for the hospital arrived just the day before! He was supposed to leave the hospital in them...Alive!)
And I don't know when I'll get over it.
Even if I should get over it.
When I laugh, I feel guilty.
But for my kids, I smile and wipe my tears on my sleeves so they don't see me down.
And I feel terrible to be wanting another baby, to even try to ttc again...
If I could, I'd love to be pregnant now...(?!)

Don't know how to cope, really.
The feeling that I should have gone to the hospital just to check, hunts me and produces 'what if' scenarios in my head.

Venting here...
Trying to calm down...while waiting for my results (and maybe some answers; hoping it won't be 'one of these bad luck cases').

Feeling 100kg lighter.

Anyone else going through this?

@HopelesslyHopeful87 I'm so sorry to hear all that and so so soo sorry for your loss. @Seekingher I forgot to add above that I'm so sad to hear about your loss too.
It seems that we all lost our babies around 18-20 weeks of gestation when all miscarriage fears seem to be long gone...

I feel like I was brought up under a rock coz I haven't heard about late miscarriages before, not to mention incompetent cervix.

I find so much solace in your story - after so much suffering and losing Matilda you were blessed with an easier pregnancy and you have your boy with you. 😚I'm also happy that you received apologies. I'm sure much of neglect or bad choices from the medical staff wasn't intentional... I saw them going above and beyond to keep the Maternity going and sometimes they deal with so much that they may skip something. Or sometimes they might just not know.

Oh dear, I also received the Aching Arms Teddy and he sleeps with me along with that tiny Teddy that was in the keepsake box. I'd love to donate a Teddy too and I think that the fact that we can support Tommy's researches and charity is also great.

When it hit me and I was in the hospital, I was offered an amazing support, lots of love, care, good words, hugs and the best tasting cuppa ever. The staff was trained and knew how to handle me. I will say it again and again that thanks to my hospital's Bereavement Midwives I was relatively in a good state upon leaving the hospital and also after. There was always someone to call, email, check on me, support me with my funeral choices and with the follow up.

I was considering counselling, but we've just come back from my older son's karate and it was there where I first time shared all details about my loss without crying. It's not that I got over it, but it hurts me on the inside. While on the outside there's life going on and I don't want to make people depressed. Rather I want them to hear about my lil one so he's never forgotten.

Lots of love ladies.
@newbiename thank you for your condolences.

@Monkhouse2022 good to hear from you!😚gosh, I'd give so much to hold my boy again too... how much I understand you. ((Hug))

I had zoom with Professor Simpson (but both with Professor Shennan they are leading specialist when it comes to IC). He said that the womb needs to get back to shape, clean itself. After late loss, it takes more time, and if it was IC or weak cervix, it takes much more time to regenerate. The same applies to hormones.
I also had periodontal infection and this needs time to clear too.
We spoke about being both physically and emotionally fit to carry again. And I feel like I'm not ready physically (were you guys so weak? I have headaches, I feel so lazy and inactive...).
I trust him so much.
And that's why I'm waiting. Regenerating. Supplementing. Going through all stages of grief.

It'll be all better @Monkhouse2022 ...
We'll get through this...

I'm also better because of this group and the FB group. You're better than counselling and I'm so glad I could read your stories and share my pain with you.

Btw, I found pretty butterflies on Amazon that you ladies can stick inside the soil around the grave or next to the baby's ashes, even at home.
I thought I tell you about them and maybe you @Monkhouse2022 can put them for your girl too.

@MomLostInTheClouds aww thankyou, big hug to you. I too am contemplating whether to try again around November - give myself 3 months to recover physically and emotionally but I am so scared of something going wrong.

@Monkhouse2022 we can try together and update here? How about that?
As for now, let the time heal and let it all flow...

Btw, I started pelvic floor exercises. They're good for the bladder and IC. I feel like an old dinosaur with my backbone cracking now 😆

@MomLostInTheClouds ok will keep you updated. Will pelvic floor exercises really help with short cervix?

@Monkhouse2022 they say progesterone and stitich can only help it, but I've read about some women telling they do it just to feel they've done everything to help it😶

Hello beautiful mamas of angel babies,

I've decided to share my thoughts with you about ttc after late loss.

Basically my consultant and Professor S. told me that I might have IC, but since it won't be evident until my next pregnancy, I was advised to analyse my previous pregnancy and change as much as I can to make it healthier and better (in case it was something else).

So here I am listing all things and changing things... A lot is based on the book 'It all starts with an egg" and my consultations with specialists as well as 2 months worth of reading about the causes of late loss and related research.

Maybe some of you want to add something 😏, give us advice. I'd be so happy to try it out.

1. No caffeine (I switched to decaff tea and coffee);
2. Oral hygiene and paying attention to any infection/bad tooth immediately;
3. Pelvic floor exercises;
4. Working on my mental health, meditation, relaxation and avoiding any stress;
5. Physical activity - walking, stretching and trying to lose some weight;
6. Healthy diet with a lot of greens (to improve production of progesterone), seeds (first part of cycle: flax seeds and pumpkin seeds, the 2nd: sunflower and chia), nuts;
7. Limiting sugar in any form and taking berberine (500mg) till I get pregnant to control blood sugar and boost my lazy metabolism as well as help my hormonesget back to balance;
8. Supplementation:

*ubiquinol with vit. E until conception,

*vitamin D (I'm deficient, but was told every pregnant woman should increase the intake),

*vitamin B complex with myo-inositiol and choline; chose the complex with methylated B12 and folate (more bioavailable than folic acid); when I'll be pregnant I'll switch to 5mg folic acid (because I'm big);

*Omega 3 (DHA and EPA, higher doses);

*prebiotics and probiotics (10 billion CFU, until I get pregnant);

*PRENATALS
(I was using Pregnacare in my all 3 pregnancies, but since they have vit. K I'll stop for the future pregnancy as it may increase the risk of blood clotting. I was told to take baby aspirin and avoid vit. K since I'm 39, fat and these can increase the risk of clots in the pregnancy).

I hate the fact that most of them have Silicone dioxide or titanium dioxide which are so bad and there were studies they can be carcinogenic. TD was even banned in many European countries, but some companies in the UK still put it to vitamins and supplements or Skittles (which were recently named unfit for consumption exactly because of TD!).

Please, share which ones you're using. I switched to PRENATALS brand for £12.99 on Amazon.

In 6 weeks of pregnancy:
*baby aspirin;
*progesterone (to be prescribed).

It might all seem a lot, but it's my routine now.

Even if I do have IC and would need a stitich, I believe these things will help my baby to be healthy and keep me in a relatively good shape in the next pregnancy.

So far, changing my diet and eating clean was the toughest. I used to love sweets, sodas and yes, I ate a lot of junk, which I want to avoid now.

How are you coping with your cravings when pregnant?
Last time with my baby boy I craved spicy noodles 🍜, Fanta and jelly candies which I normally don't eat/drink.

And how do you brush your teeth first 12-14 weeks?
I literally gag and vomit in the process or right after... I used mouthwash a lot... any life hacks apart from that?

@MomLostInTheClouds this is great, thankyou.
I’m currently taking ubiquinol, folic, vit and omega 3. Trying to eat healthy and do some exercise during the week. I’m giving myself good 3 months to get in shape then ttc.

Hello beauties,

🤗I hope you're all good and learning how to live with your grief.

Is it any easier?
Are the days passing faster?
Is there new hope?
Are you ttc maybe?

Please, share. Hope to hear from you.

I'm glad I had these summer holidays to switch off, hide from the world and grieve. Now I'm kind of ready to face reality, school runs, karate, swimming, and all the chores related to kiddos going back to school...

AF has recently come and even though we haven't been trying to conceive, we had unprotected sex and a silent mutual agreement that we will do things this way and if baby comes, it's OK, and if not...it's OK too.

My sister-in-law has just given birth to a baby and I was supposed to be next... our family has been calling and sending photos and thank god, my husband is dealing with them I just cannot!

The saddest part is that nobody asks me how I am anymore 💔...and they assume I'm all fine...even though I'm not.

So I came here to share. I think it's the only place where people can how I feel and how it is after child loss.

Wishing you all the best.

@MomLostInTheClouds Glad you posted a message as I was about too as well. My heart still aches for my baby girl. Its going to be coming up to 9 weeks since I lost her. I keep replaying what went wrong, what could I have done. I still feel like I let her down and I can’t shift this feeling. The days are not passing faster. Life is standstill for me in my head and heart.
I meet people when Im out and its like Im waiting for them to ask me about kids so I can speak about her but sometimes nothing is mentioned.
We have decided to try again but tbh I want my little girl I lost not another child.
I feel sick to my core of the ‘what ifs’. I really thought through time I will be at peace but still feel the same anger towards the hospital who badly let me down.
Keep thinking I lost a perfectly healthy baby girl but due to neglect by hospital she paased away :(

How are you feeling my friend….?

@Monkhouse2022 Good to hear from you!

I'm so sorry that you're still a bit in a dark place, but so glad to know you'll be ttc again!

How am I feeling?
Gosh, I can't even name it.
I think what you wrote above would express it all with the only difference being my hospital isn't to blame. I think in my case nobody is...(maybe my body if I have IC?)...

Throughout this day I was quite fine, laughing (always feel guilty in the end...), going around with my stuff to be hit now by the fact that it's been almost 14 weeks and if he would still be here, I'll hit 31 weeks! 😥

BTW, I've just recalled hours before I miscarried... I remember I looked at my bump and it went sort of down (dropped) and I thought to myself sitting on the toilet "wow, I don't look (and feel) pregnant; this pregnancy is easier than I thought".

Then I decided to take shower to prepare myself for possible hospital check up, shaved my legs... as if I was feeling something. Our bodies know, don't they?

Why didn't I think of it before?

Maybe my gut was telling me something, preparing me, especially that the day before I haven't felt him move (felt no flutters). This makes me think that maybe he was already dead...
Before I was ready to agree with the hospital that I probably have IC and he died the same time he was born (not before), but now I have doubts... and I came up with it alnost 3 months later...wow!

Uncertainty drives me nuts and I wonder how in the world I'll survive any twinges in the future pregnancy?!?!

Ideas?

All in all, here I go, overanalysing, writing new 'what ifs' scenarios, struggling with flashbacks, replying everything...like you.

Anyway, interesting fact about collagen and IC (I've added a screenshot).

It's been found that problems with collagen (especially type 1 and 3) production and distribution may affect our cervix and make it weaker. I've started supplementation with collagen peptides and will continue in my future pregnancy (if ever there'll be any - I've read somewhere that at my age I have 10% chance of conception, oh lol!). If not my cervix, definitely my wrinkles will be smoother and my bones stronger...

@MomLostInTheClouds can I join you ladies… I had a second trimester loss in May. Everything was fine and healthy went for a private gender scan with family to be told our girl had no heartbeat. We do not have answers our results went off to GOSH and they still aren’t back yet. I too have analysed was it the coffee did I lift too much was it something I done. I had some funded counselling which I have been lucky enough to be able to continue with after the funding run out. I had 8 weeks off work and a phased return leading up to summer hols (I am term time worker only) I ran out of my ADs, broke my foot and ended up stuck in the house all summer. I thought I was okay and doing well. However, over the bank holiday I had a massive breakdown. We were visiting some friends who don’t have children and my friend was asking me all kinds of question and even said she had spoken about what had happened to a friend of hers and they used our daughters name for their new baby as they loved it so much. It made me flip out (that and alcohol) I feel like I’ve gone back to square one. I feel lost again. I have a GP appointment again today to get back on track. Due back to work tomorrow but I don’t think I have it in me and feel terrible about not turning up. DP despite my awful behaviour at the weekend just wants me to get better. My due date is coming up over the next couple of weeks also. Because I already have children I feel like people think it hurts less then someone who doesn’t have any. I’m in a few support groups on social media and see people say do you already have children like that makes it easier. The pain is still the pain.

like you say about knowing the night before the gender scan I didn’t sleep I felt on edge I wonder did I know? We rescheduled our scan 3x due to other commitments and I wonder was that so I didn’t carry her for longer as she would have been ok at any of the other dates.

I thought and told my counsellor that I had made peace with it but quite clearly I haven’t.

@Vie8126 good to have you here. Take it as your space to literally "throw" everything out of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how it hurts and all the ups and downs.

It's OK to take time off work. I think we all do this. It's harder than anybody can imagine...

It's also quite surprising that people exactly think it's easier if you already have kids! My bereavement Midwives were great in the hospital, but when discharging me one of them also told me not to worry coz I have family around me. True, but that also was my son...he IS my son and I say I have 3 kids and don't really care what people say or ask.

Well, in the end for me it was a bit easier to have my older kids, but I understand that for others it can be challenging to parent other kids while processing child loss.

BTW, using your daughter's name might seem insensitive, but in the end it must have been beautiful if it resonated with other people (ever though they knew about your loss).

Overcoming grief is a long process. My bereavement MD told me to take time, be angry, be happy, laugh and not feel guilty. I thought she's crazy 3 months ago, but it's how you have to deal with it until you accept that this loss will always be there and your life must go on...

My 9 year old is also grieving. He sometimes asks me why we need to live and continue as if nothing happened while tragedy happened and our baby died...but the world isn't acknowledging it. I was lost for words...

On another note, I'm also convinced now that our bodies really know when something is off 😐... I think mother nature equipped us with this instinct, but busy daily life is good at messing up with us, our intuition and mutes our internal voice.

To make it even more creepy, around 8h before he was born I put myself "Time to say goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli and put it close to my bump for my boy to listen... I love this song, but haven't listened to it for ages so god knows why I put it exactly in that time.

Have you also had a feeling like there's a pregnancy, but you didn't see the baby - the result of it? In my previous, healthy pregnancies I've seen my babies, I knew there will be the end - baby in my arms. Here I've never had that and always had some doubts...like is it really happening, will we have a baby?

I think I've also already said that I've never taken a bump photo, not a single one (like before...) thinking I still have time. I didn't bond much with the little one. I remember at 16 weeks appointment the MW telling me to talk to my baby, enjoy the flutters, rub my tummy...and me sitting like: ok, well... OK...but not really doing it.

Anyway, please try to hold on.
Results may not show anything and then they usually suggest incompetent cervix, like in my case.

How many weeks was your baby girl, if I may ask?
Did you bury her or do you have her ashes close to you?

And will you be ttc again?

Have a lovely day!

@MomLostInTheClouds my GP has increased my ADs told me I must continue to take them and the reason I felt well was because they was working. He signed me off for 4 weeks to readjust to the new meds. Sitting her pondering how to tell my boss. I had actually handed my notice in over summer anyway so don’t have long left.

When I was in hospital delivering our dd they all asked me ‘do you already have children’ and I felt like screaming why does that matter. I am fortunate I do, I have 4. My older children are nearly 22,18 and 14. My oldest two boys haven’t really understood what has gone on they haven’t really understood to them it’s just a miscarriage. My daughter, the youngest of the 3 well I’ve tried to protect her from the hurt I didn’t want her to think these terrible things can happen. And the youngest mine and dps only together is only 13 months.

I’m sorry for you all too to be stuck in this horrid place. Your poor DS too. How are you navigating that?

We had our mothers with us at the scan and my mil asked if I hadn’t been feeling baby move I was convinced I had been but I also had an anterior placenta so knew movements would be slight until much further along as had the same with my ds.

I am convinced my body knew I felt so nervous and uneasy over a gender scan it was ridiculous. I text my friend that morning and said I’ve hardly slept I’ve had so much anxiety and I can’t place why. Then boom.

I was 16 weeks, 17 when she was delivered. We had all our pregnancy screening back as no cause for concern my 12 week scan had been perfect no abnormalities or any concerns. I’ve blamed myself, my age (41) everything. I’ve also been told I’ll likely never get answers.

I never had a bump picture in that pregnancy sometimes I dream I’m still pregnant and have the huge bump I would have by now. I look at my little ds and wonder what we would be doing to prepare him for a sibling. His first birthday party I should have been pregnant and wasn’t. I think it’s this first year of going through the milestones that is so tough. I should be going on mat leave in a few weeks. Even things like our ds needed a new car seat and we were just ordering 2 the same for the new baby and going back online and just ordering 1 well it was so hard. I feel stupid for getting ahead of myself and looking at double prams etc but then try to reality check myself.

We had a private cremation and have her ashes home with us. I like having her home.

What a beautiful song but also yes that is so strange!

I had a uti at the time which the hospital were investigating and said didn’t need antibiotics but then when I delivered her they said it had needed antibiotics and had been missed. I wonder if it was that. I’ve also read a lot about covid and placentas as it can cause them to fail.

as for ttc we’re not actively trying but we aren’t being careful what will be will be.

Grief is definitely a rollercoaster of emotions.

Ladies we can all support one another here. I feel like everyone’s moved on but I still remember her and long for her. Its just so sad for us to go through such heartache.
I cry every night on my own thinking about her, remembering what she looked like. I try to go out for long walks for fresh air but end up re-playing things in my mind over & over again.

My heart goes out to you, I've been somewhere similar. I lost my baby at 17 weeks and 5 days, unfortunately it was discovered he had passed just days after my 12 week scan. I had no idea the entire time and had been happily walking around chatting about the baby to everyone including my existing child. It was different in a lot of ways, to your experience, as my body wasn't passing anything and had to be medically managed but the end results the same - I went home with no baby and feeling totally empty, physically and emotionally.

I didn't have a positive experience in hospital and didn't feel supported. I wasn't even put in contact with a bereavement midwife and never had anyone from the hospital contact me again after I left. It was a very hard time.

I had sex once, a couple of months after it happened and realised how not ready I was and didn't do it again. However that one time was all it took and I'm currently a few days shy of 17 weeks. It's nerve wracking getting so close to where it all went wrong, but I'm having regular scans so although I haven't hit where I was last time yet, this little boy has made it further than my last.

I have actually found great comfort in being pregnant again. I've had regular scans and this baby is going strong, a healthy little boy who is started to flutter around in my stomach. I'm starting to believe it'll be ok. I'm starting to get excited and share the news with those around me. I have decided to keep it private online this time around, but it's getting harder to hide in real life.

I'll never forget my boy I lost, and whilst this baby is not a replacement for him or will help me forget that it happened he does bring me so much comfort. I feel lucky to have fallen again without trying or even realising as I think ttc after miscarriage must be so difficult and my heart goes out to anybody struggling through that, and loss in general. The club no one wants to be in. X

I've just realised that my due date is tomorrow, for my last little boy. September 1st. A day I was dreading so much when it all happened and then had nearly forgot if I hadn't stumbled across this thread and started thinking about it all. I have moments (this is a prime example) where I get so caught up with the new baby, I feel guilty for not thinking more about the last. I guess that's the difficulty of falling pregnant so quickly after loss.

@Monkhouse2022 that feeling is horrible isn’t it that everyone has moved on. I feel like that. Everyone thinks oh it’s all fine now because it’s been and done and it’s not. I hear you with the replays some days I’m fine others I replay it over and over again particularly lately. I plan to spend my time going on some walks and getting some air is that when your mind wanders the most?

@nofaith congratulations on your new baby, immediately after I thought I just wanted to be pregnant again so quickly as felt like that would solve everything. I’m not surprised you’ve had/having some anxiety around the same point of this pregnancy that’s completely natural but equally glad you’ve had reassurance. Don’t feel guilty you are allowed to enjoy this pregnancy.

@Vie8126 I'm glad to hear ADs are working for you. In this time we really need to find things that will make us feel better both physically and emotionally.

As for work, coming back always sucks! You have to face people and handle all your responsibilities...while inside you're torn apart and would only stay on the sofa crying.
Myself I couldn't even speak and I burst into tears the first weeks.

If you can take some off or leave the job (I changed my job), and you can be financially supported by your husband/family, it can be helpful in your healing process. Some people love to get busy to forget their loss, but I guess were not this type. And it's OK too.

Funny thing - my hubby is sort of a macho, never shows his feelings, but I could get some time off knowing he would provide and take the financial burden off me.

As for children, I'm so happy you have 4! How cute. I always wanted a big family, but hit 39 and stuck on 2 (sorry 3). But maybe it's better for them to think it's just a miscarriage...Navigating grief in kids is so hard. But we talk a lot. For these conversations I force myself not to cry. And we talk about death, loss, our baby. I try to keep his name alive, use it. We reminisce moments we had with him, joke that he had my nose and my older son's lips, etc. My 4 year old is easier to handle. He has just understood the baby is gone, but we can visit him in the cemetery and all the time wants to go there and stick windmills or butterflies 🦋 in his grave.

You're sort of lucky you have your girl close to you. Sometimes I wish I had my boy next to my bed, but I talk to him in my head anyway.

How are your kids about ttc again? Positive?

My older one has recently broken my heart saying he doesn't want another loss and told me he's afraid something can happen to me (I was taken by an ambulance so it freaked him out), and he doesn't want to be motherless.

Younger asks us to bring a baby home.

Yesterday my husband also made me want a baby even more when he played with a cute sweet baby in the bus. He had this joy in his eyes which I want to see again if we mange ever to bring another baby to this world.

How's your husband about it?

I'm sending baby dust anyway.
Ttc or not ttc - let's hope good things still can happen to us.

@Monkhouse2022 I'm so sorry things are not getting any better.
It's OK.
It's temporary.
Some stages of grief take more time I some people.
But it may also turn out that having some support/counselling is necessary. I used some support from outside. Maybe you want to try too?

Reaching out for help isn't easy, but it might help you process the grief and direct you towards acceptance/healing.

I think we all replay our loss and the moments before and after, and I also feel like people moved on (I feel like my husband forgot it!), but I think these are just different coping mechanisms - deep inside we all grieve in a different way.

We're here for you.
Write whatever bothers you, worries you, comes back to you.

We understand...

Hugs 🫂🤗...

@nofaith congratulations 🎊! I'm so happy for you, but at the same time, so sorry for your loss. For us it'll always be happiness/new hope mingled with fear and grief.

It must be very painful to cross the due date, but for me it will be a closure. Are you planning anything? We're planning to go to the cemetery with cake and balloons and celebrate, yes, celebrate that 18 weeks we had him with us and that he was alive...

Everything you write about new pregnancy is probably everything that we would feel if we fall pregnant again.

I was already feeling guilty for ttc again and enjoying sex. I talked to my baby in my head and apologised. For many people it looks like replacing, but we know we can never replace THAT precious baby.

And yes, ttc is a conscious decision; so stressful after loss and once you both know what can go wrong. But I guess most of us wanted to be "back to pregnant" state after loss, and for me, it'd be dream come true. I long to be preggo!

In the FB groups they always write:" different pregnancy, different baby, different result". So let's stick to it.

Keep on updating us on your progress!

I'm hoping in October I can see 2 lines.

@MomLostInTheClouds yes I got tricked by thinking oh I’m fine now I don’t need them then the weekend happened and quite obviously I do!

Our dd was born in May I had 8 weeks signed off a small 2.5 week return and I have had all the summer off due to school holidays. Actually very similar to you I handed my notice in two weeks ago to have a bit of a breather and retrain in November in a completely different field. I feel guilty being off again and unlikely to go back to work any notice however I had been on maternity leave and our dd was born 3 days before my maternity for my ds ended so I haven’t been there for so long. Since I’ve been off my whole job has changed, there has been no training on a whole new area I don’t particularly want to work in. It hasn’t helped with my anxiety and moods.

4 sounds so busy doesn’t it. My older 3 from my first marriage and the two older boys went to live with their dad when they got to 16. We live quite rurally and dad lives nearer to everything they want so it’s just my dd and 13 month old and obviously my dp. I’m not really sure how they would feel about ttc my dd adores her baby brother and she was so upset about the pregnancy - particularly as she wanted a sister to even the playing field!

People can be odd about ttc my mum said to start with give it a year get healthy and see how you feel then within a few weeks changed that to ‘you won’t win any prizes for trying to go through this again’. I am 42 next year so don’t really have a year to wait. If it happens it happens is where I am with it. However ask me a few days leading up to my period and I’ll be symptom spotting and staring at pregnancy tests in shops.

I talk about her with my dd all the time like you with your dc. I’m so glad you find happy things to talk about with them. I can’t imagine trying to navigate this with smaller dc you are doing amazing.

My Dp has tried to stay strong and supportive for me. I feel bad that I’ve struggled so much. He also lost a daughter and he hasn’t been able to grieve as he has had to pull me up from the floor. I do feel dads get a bit overlooked. Like you said and hit the nail on the head we all grieve differently and this showed we are both different people with different coping mechanisms. We’ve had a rough ride this year he broke his wrist and needed surgery, lost his father, lost our dd and I broke my foot. Needless to say we have high hopes for 2023!

I must reread your posts about supplements as you have done a lot of research on a lot of things that could assist.

@Vie8126 your post made me smile. It seems that you have a lovely family and support. And yes, this part of the year was hard on all of you. I also believe 2023 will be better and we'll get our rainbows 🌈!

My older son says he hates 2022 oh lol, but he's back to swimming and school, and would probably change his mind a bit when back to doing what he loves. I think we all need it - be back to normal and doing what we love.

You're pregnancy-obsessed you say? In August I was sure I'm preggo and my body was ticking me into believing it (even had nausea and sensitive boobs), I took so many tests, took spotting for implantation bleeding just to finish depressed for few days when AF came to town... this month I'll try to be better. No testing until I miss my period!

Yes, love, I've consulted 3 specialists including Professor Simpson (leading doctor dealing with incompetent cervix), read loads of scientific researchers related to late losses, miscarriages and conception before and after 40, and I'm sure this time around I'll do anything in my power (at least from my side) to keep this pregnancy; rest is mother nature...

Most things I'm doing are somewhere in the posts up plus here are some updates.

I've recently added collagen* (some screenshots are up - it keeps the cervix of older mamas-to-be stronger). Btw, my skin on the face became so smooth, I look younger. Lol. It might be also ubiquinol with vit. E (whichever it is, I love it!).

Eating clean and anti-inflammatory* diet.

Taking thyroid-supporting pills (I've got hypothyroidism) so pills with kelp, ashwadaga, schisandra berries, iodine, magnesium and potassium* are really helpful. I'll be stopping them same time I'm preggo.

By the way, I'm really losing weight (with hypothyroidism it's so hard!), but I take 500mg barberine* to fight off my insulin resistance and the weight started to go down!!!!!!

*pelvic exercises also make me feel more secure and I belive they will make it easier for me to carry.

As for prebiotic and probiotics, I'll be leaving them soon. They make my stomach quite upset and I've read some research that better to avoid them with a history of miscarriages.

For younger ladies who niscarried and have more time to prepare themselves for a new baby, I was recommended vitex - it increases progesterone, but since my clock is ticking and I'm not able to wait few months for results, I'll try it later. I'm officially 39 tomorrow 🤪...

Yesterday I craved soda! I put a small can of Fanta in front of me and was sure I'd drink it. Then I thought: naaaah, I wanna be healthy...

Lol, do you watch Dr Berg? His videos helped me process some of medical issues my gp or my consultants tackled with me, like insulin resistance, healing underactive thyroid (crucial for sustaining pregnancy, etc.).

So many of us just don't know how to start and this loss made me think my whole life (health and wellbeing) over... and understood how many things actually were wrong.

So all the best...
Update us!

@nofaith congratulations very happy for you. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

@MomLostInTheClouds yes we all grief differently. I had considered counselling but not sure what it would achieve. They are not going to give me answers but listen. I have to try deal with it myself in my head. My mind does wander when I go for those long power walks even when Im playing music on my headphones. On the outside I look like I’m doing fine but inside I want to scream and shout. Only thing going for me for distraction in some strange way is to try again but it gets me thinking about my loss too and the anxiety of getting pregnant again. Will I be able to trust the hospital again :(

@Monkhouse2022 you've got this. You're on a good path... new pregnancy can bring us new anxiety, but like with @nofaith I think it'll give us new purpose, focus, distraction.

It won't heal us. It won't make us forget. It won't bring that lost baby - but will change our lives and put them back on family planning track.

I'm ready, I know I need it and I'm into it.

As for you, try to think if you're ready.

List pros and cons. Imagine "the new" path with a new baby... and all the hospital hustle and bustle that goes with it.
Do you see it?
Can you handle it?
All the appointments, twinges, scans, blood tests? Difficult decisions? Possible mistakes?

I was positive in my head and myself can't wait to go to the Rainbow Clinic and start A NEW journey...

Maybe it's what you need too?

Or maybe you only need peace and distancing yourself from these issues?

Tell us, what are your answers?