I lost my baby.

[LuluF91]

I'm hurting and I don't know what to say. This is the first day since he passed that my family have left. My baby was just 3 weeks old, 8 weeks premature and died in my arms after I had fallen asleep with him. It was horrific to wake up to. I can't forgive myself and I don't think my husband can either. My heart aches. I feel physically sick...we can't confirm the date until we get him back from post mortem. I'm dying inside and would kill myself if I hadn't already got a toddler to look after. Is there anyone our there lost their baby this way? Where do I go from here?? I hate myself for what I've done.

[DeadButDelicious]

@apricotlane

It's a question. Calm down. The OP said it was said to her that they never come home as early as he was sent home. If there's been any issue surely that's worth querying. We've all said how very sorry we are!

Do you know what bereaved and grieving parents have in abundance? Questions. So many questions. Some days, every waking moment is filled with nothing but questions. Questions they may never get answers too.

Do you know what they don't need? Your questions.

[HailAdrian]

OP, you only did what so many of us have, I can't begin to know how traumatised you are but I hope you can stop blaming yourself eventually x

[Chickalick]

Sending you all the love in the world OP. Please, please don’t blame yourself. You’ll get through this, eventually. Your husband is in shock and is in the raw stages of grief, don’t take anything that he says atm to heart, so many people fall asleep unintentionally with their babies, it was just a tragic, unlucky accident.

[ijustcouldntthinkofausername]

I just want to come and give you a huge virtual hug. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. He was too beautiful, too precious and too perfect for this world OP.
I second what other posters have said - take a little comfort in knowing he was in your arms and full of your love.
You most certainly are not the only mum to fall asleep with their baby. I have done this in the past. Pure exhaustion does this to us! I am just so so sorry this happened to you.
Sounds like poor DH is struggling and it's causing him to lash out which is not helping you. Then you're in this vicious cycle.
Look into getting some counselling when you feel it's right.
Sending all 3 of you lots of love and you're in my thoughts this evening xxxxx ❤️❤️❤️

[Elmoliveshere]

My son would only sleep while on me. I was constantly exhausted. He then moved to only sleeping beside me. We do whatever we need to do. Please please don’t blame yourself, it could happen to any one of us x

[teaandtoastwithmarmite]

I've come across this thread and I want to reach out and say I'm so sorry. Please don't blame yourself. My DD used to feed at 4am and I'd wake up an hour later with her on me not knowing if she had had any. It could have happened to anyone. I know it won't help right now but please forgive yourself

[ServantofthePeople]

Please don’t blame yourself x

[PackofPoppadoms]

Hi OP, my infant ds died in my arms while I was asleep, I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone: the sudden horrible discovery on waking up, the grief, the blur of CPR, police, paramedics, the sadness of the extended family, the questioning of oneself afterwards. Sending my condolences to you, your dh and toddler.

[Maharajah20]

@PackofPoppadoms

Hi OP, my infant ds died in my arms while I was asleep, I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone: the sudden horrible discovery on waking up, the grief, the blur of CPR, police, paramedics, the sadness of the extended family, the questioning of oneself afterwards. Sending my condolences to you, your dh and toddler.

So sorry for your loss as well @PackofPoppadoms .
I hope the op sees your kind message and reaches out to you. 💐

[PackofPoppadoms]

Thank you @Maharajah20 💛

[XelaM]

Just sending my condolences to you and @PackofPoppadoms . This is so heartbreaking to read.

[XelaM]

I have fallen asleep with my daughter on me several times and remember being woken up by my husband shouting at me because she fell off me onto the floor and was screaming but I was so fast asleep I had absolutely no idea.