I lost my baby.

[LuluF91]

I'm hurting and I don't know what to say. This is the first day since he passed that my family have left. My baby was just 3 weeks old, 8 weeks premature and died in my arms after I had fallen asleep with him. It was horrific to wake up to. I can't forgive myself and I don't think my husband can either. My heart aches. I feel physically sick...we can't confirm the date until we get him back from post mortem. I'm dying inside and would kill myself if I hadn't already got a toddler to look after. Is there anyone our there lost their baby this way? Where do I go from here?? I hate myself for what I've done.

[mcmooberry]

Oh God I am so sorry to hear this, you poor thing. So many of us have done this and co sleeping can actually help regulate babies' breathing I believe. The exhaustion from having a newborn means it's often impossible not to fall asleep holding them and I genuinely believe there must have been another underlying reason for him to die. The horror of this is hard to even imagine and I feel nothing but compassion and total sympathy for you. xxx

[Abaababa]

I am truly truly sorry for your pain and loss. Sending you much love and healing. I too have fallen asleep with my newborn, like you it was not intentional but rather from exhaustion. Blaming yourself seems like some small way out of the hell you are currently in, but you also know deep down it isn’t. You have been tragically unfortunate. I pray that the eventual reports / autopsy and time offer you all some healing. ❤️

[PatterPaws]

RIP little one.

OP, no one is to blame. Sometimes these things just tragically happen. You couldn't have loved your baby any more than you did. Thinking of you. x

[WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor]

Non of this is your fault. It’s just an awful tragedy. I’m so sorry for your loss x

[PatterPaws]

Also, I fell asleep through extreme tiredness with all of my babies.

Please know that accidentally nodding off with a newborn is a very normal thing that happens.

[Chippingin2]

So so sorry. You were tragically unlucky. I was so tired with DC2 and she wouldn't sleep anywhere but on you and I did some horrendously unsafe sleeping practices. On her side, on my arm, squished into me, big quilt over us .... it chills me to think about it but I couldn't sleep straight and I had some instinct to keep her close that I didn't have with DC1.

There's nothing that separates us but luck. I really, really feel for you.

I hope you take one day at a time and you listen to the kind words you deserve xx

[Wingingthis]

So much love to you, it’s not your fault. I’ve fallen asleep in bed unintentionally with both my babies SO many times as newborns. It’s so easily done, breastfeeding actually makes us release something in our bodies that make us feel sleepy.
SIDS can also happen with a baby sleeping in a cot, it’s just so terribly unlucky, unfair & horrific. Xxxxx

[byronsbrain]

@LuluF91 I'm so sorry for your loss. My own baby died this way too and if you want to message me privately I am always free to chat.

[wanttomarryamillionaire]

Op please please don't blame yourself. As a pp stated it's more likely to be something to do with his prematurity than anything you have done. Every single mother has fallen asleep with our babies at some point, it's exhausting being a new mum. Please try and be a little kinder to yourself.

[Igmum]

So, so sorry and sending love ❤️❤️❤️. This isn't your fault, it's a terrible, terrible accident ❤️❤️❤️

[canonlydoblue]

My heart is breaking for you. But it is not your fault - not even a tiny bit. Your little boy was too precious for this world and he slipped away in your arms, feeling your love until the very end. I'm so so sorry for you loss.

[HabitsDieHard]

Sorry for your cruel loss. It was not your fault, just really horrible luck.

[FannylovesDick]

[2bazookas]

I am so sorry you have lost him.
To pass away in his mothers arms, was the most loving tender place for him to be.

[DancyNancy]

Oh Lulu my heart aches for you, you poor darling. You're going through a horrific time. Please do get counselling to help you through this. An enormous loss and a lot of trauma for you. Sending prayers to you of self compassion for yourself.
one step at a time xxx

[HisHX]

I have no advice, I’m sorry, I’d love to be able to offer words of wisdom that could help you at this god awful time. But honestly, there but for the grace of god go I, or any of us. I’m sure your baby felt your love on their short, sweet life. And I hope you’re getting all of the support you can get - my heat break for you OP. Please ask for help and take it xx

[DancyNancy]

And to add I know you blame yourself but it was not your fault. For thousands of years mothers slept with their babies, and we still do. This was not your fault xx

[PrinnyPree]

Oh my gosh OP you poor thing I am so sorry, I too fell asleep with my new born a couple of times in bed when he was clusterfeeding throughout the night. Luckily woke up but always in a bit of a semi panic. It was a total accident OP and so many exhausted Mum's have done it. I hope both you and your husband realise it was a pure accident and that there is no blame.

I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby, sending big hugs to you and your entire family. Xxx

[whyrusoangry]

I am so, so sorry OP. This must be so awful for you. I can't even imagine.

Please don't blame yourself. He passed in the arms of his mother. The most loving embrace. X

[Thefaceofboe]

I’m so so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself, I’m pretty sure every mother has fallen asleep with their newborn at some point. Thinking of you

[LowlandLucky]

Lulu Please be gentle on yourself

[COPPER3]

Darling...my heartfelt sympathy and love to you. You did nothing wrong. Please believe me that souls come into this world for a reason. Your little one was meant to touch your life. You are amazing! You are strong! He will find a way back to you. My love to you xx

[BaffledMum22]

@LuluF91 I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through but please, please hear us all when we’re saying that this is NOT your fault. You did the most natural thing in the world - you held and fed your baby. This should not have happened to you and I’m so unbelievably sorry that it has.
I hope you get the post mortem results soon and they bring you some clarity. And I hope his funeral brings you some peace.

Please reach out for support - be that from family and friends, a charity, a councillor or from strangers. I’m sure I speak for everyone here when I say that we’re here for you to talk through anything you need or want to!

[Sunnierdays]

This is so sad, we have all fallen asleep with our babies . It probably wasn’t this which has caused this, take comfort he was with his mum and very loved

[12345qaz]

I am so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful little boy. Such a heart-breaking tragedy. It is a desperately sad fact that premature babies are more likely to suffer from SIDS and sleep apnea. This is not your fault. I second a pp's suggestion, do contact SANDS for help and support. Try to be kind to yourself- your much-loved boy was in your arms and feeling your warmth, your heartbeat and your love when it happened. Sending lots of love to you and your family xxx