One of my 11 month old twin daughters died 3 month ago and Imfalling apart no one want to know, even my DH has left me!

[summersun06]

I feel so alone and yes I still have my 9 year old and the other twin, but I feel empty.

Have you contacted any of the organisation suggested here yet SS? I guess it is not the best time to try but in many ways it might be a great help

Gingerbread might be an idea as wellwww.gingerbread.org.uk/

Are you going ot your mum for Christmas day?

if you just want to escape come on the word game -
its word association - very simple and passes a few RL dull moments.

Thank you bright I will contact gingerbread as I have heard it a good organisation. No im not seeing my Mum on Christmas day, infact im not seeing her at all. She lives 100 miles away and she cares for my Gran who is very ill at the moment (just got out of hospital), so its just me and the girls.

glad to see that you are getting some support on mumsnet.
i am always around in the evening if you want to chat.
i don't know what it is like to lose a child that you have held and loved and i am sorry that you do know how it feels.
Death is a subject thats lots of people don't know how to deal with, i think its at times like these you really do find out who your mates are.
my lovely husband is in hospital at the moment, he has a terminal brain tumour, i have certainly found out who my mates are.
like you i get lonely in the evening when the kids are in bed.

Hi summersun. So sorry. I too know where you are at. My young daughter died earlier this year and I have other children too. Makes you get up and do things, laugh and smile but can be tough too. I can recommend The Compassionate Friends website - look at some of their publications, it helps to know sometimes that what you feel is actually quite normal. Winstons Wish website has also been a good resource. Is your eldest DD's school up to speed as there is information on there to help them.

Please feel free to CAT me. Popping off now, sorry to be so brief. Have presents to wrap for what should have been our best Christmas ever.

ggglimpopo - 80% of marriages break down? Oh lordy. Where did you see that statistic. How are you?

summer so sorry to hear what you are going through. I wish I could help ('m way down south). I hope you get some RL support soon. Big love and hugs. xx

Summer, so sorry to hear of your great sadness, you sound like such a strong and positive person, I hope that you have your girls back tomorrow and try and have some happiness, again thoughts and hugs are with you xxx

Summer- Im so glad you have had lots of support on here, and hopefully you will make some really good friends. Unfortunetly I live no where near you otherwise I would love to meet up. Friends are really crap sometimes, a few years back I went though a really bad time, I had really bad depression basically because I had not dealt with my miscarriages then my husband left me with a newborn and a toddler and my friends were shit. My best friend even said to me 'I just cant be around you when you like this', I then realised are friendship was based around us having a laugh and going out drinking and infact she had never been there for me. Its so hard feeling so alone when you are already in a bad place. But now I have meet friends who like being with me weather I am laughing and joking or crying and balling. I hope you ok

Hope you have a lovely day with your girls tomorrow

BTW not saying what I went thorough is anything like what you going thorough, I couldnt imagine that, just symphaizing about being dissappointed with friends

hello again sumer,thought i would just pop on again and see how you are this evening.It will be a lovely day for you tomorrow when you have your other two daughters back.Dont feel that you have to be strong and brave all the time ,it ok to cry and be sad.You must give yourself time to grieve.Then eventually you wil find more and more things to make you feel happy again,and this is ok too.Enjoy the best xmas possible with your children that you can possibly manage and even though it is xmas there will be someone on here at some time or other to talk to you should you need it.Thinking of you.

summer - hope you are asleep and have agood day tomorrow x

thinking of you
x

Hi summersun hope you are OK tonight, you asked a while ago about being in hospital for a while, this is nothing like your lenght of time but my ds didn't leave hospital until he was several months old, I still have vivid memories of going in to have him in the summer then going outside when he was about 10 days old (for a walk) and it was very autumnal!
When we did leave it was absolutely terrifying (I was also looking out for signs of illness iyswim) I really wanted to go and hang out in the hospital most of the time!! (He was our first child) Was definately in my own bubble world when he was in I'm surprised you can function after 2 years I always say we were 'lucky' he was our first since I had no other lo to look after who needed me. The other thing is he recently had his 5th birthday and I was really tearful the night before just having flashbacks to him getting ill (few hours old)and being in.
I'm sorry your friends are not much help....

Sleep tight Summer

Take care

keep in touch when you can, summer

zeebee sorry to hear of your loss too. may i ask what she died of? how old was she? breaks my heart to hear about all these tiny ones passing away

Hi Summer, so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I am in a similar position. DT1 was diagnosed with exomphalos at 13 weeks then followed an agonising pregnancy of scans and checks and a a 6 week stay in hospital away frm Dh and DD. DT1 did not make it he only lived for nine hours.

The worst thing is some people seem to feel as though I should be a relieved as his condition would have resulted in surgery and hospital stays for his first few months/years. I would much rather have the inconvenience of an ill baby than a dead one.

Others just seem to think it must be okay as at least I have a survivng DT and should just be grateful for that. I think we are in a unique position and just have to get through the best we can.

It does put a strain on your relationship with DH though, we have had our difficulties in the past but we seem to have drifted apart as we are both dealing with our grief in different ways. Hopefully we can stick it out but it is so hard when you are both grieving.

I am thinking of you take care.

There some pics of my DTs on my profile.

to all you mums who havelost a child,my sympathies are with you all.Please do know that others are thinking of you at what must be a very difficult time for you all.Summer have a good day with your children.

hi thinking of you i know how hard xmas is withoutloved ones ilost my grandson jayden to cot death 2006 aged 75 days a year later im here still i had to wait for councelling my employers sorted it but in harrogate and i live in leeds nd none driver but find mumsnet the best helpxx

Addicted - thanks, it was a bacterial infection, she was a gorgeous 20 months. It is heart breaking to hear of others - while it is a small club, it's not really that exclusive is it when you read about others' experiences here.

Summer, hope your Christmas went as well as it could and you managed to enjoy your daughters' excitement. I also wanted to say in response to an early post of yours - you still have, and always will have, three daughters.

Hi Twasthenightbeforechristmouse, I am so sorry to hear about your little one, you are right there is nothing and no body (including a child) that can make you feel grateful. I would have also gone to the hospital everyday for my daughter, 11 months just wasnt enough. Sadly your 9 hours wasnt either. I hope and pray that you and your DH stay together and stay strong. You have your memories, that is the sad thing about me and my childs Daddy we are no longer together and I have no one to share the memories with. Your pic are beautiful. I hope to hear from you again take care xx

Hi Onlyjoking I so sorry to hear of your husband illness, enjoy every single second of your time together. You are right the night times are the hardest once the children are in bed, you start to think about what has happerned or what is happerning. I wish I could have one more day with my daughter, I guess we just have to make sure we say everything that needs to be said and do everything that needs to be done with loved ones like my late daughter and your husband. Hope to hear from you soon and try to stay strongxx

Hi Zeebee, Im so sorry to read of your Daughter. Life is so cruel. You are right we do get up for our other children and we smile and laugh but sadness does fill my heart, as quickly as I feel happy I am filled with pain again. I will have a look at the site you recommended, thank you. Hope to hear from you soon and take care xx