One of my 11 month old twin daughters died 3 month ago and Imfalling apart no one want to know, even my DH has left me!

[summersun06]

I feel so alone and yes I still have my 9 year old and the other twin, but I feel empty.

What are you up to today Summersun? Have you got anything planned?

No, I rang around friends and they are all busy (theres no change there).

That's a shame. Have your friends been a bit rubbish a supporting you?

Yes Im sad to say they have, friends have said "we are there for if you need us", but when I do need them there no where to be seen

so sorry to hear you feel so alone
MN is good for sharing your thoughts

Thanks 2creepy4words, its great to know that there are people out there

Hi summersun, I'm so sorry to hear about your little girl. I lost my son 6 weeks ago, so I know what you are going through.

My friends have been pretty good really, and have supported me a lot. However most people don't seem to know what to say, which means they don't say anything at all - which can feel like they have forgotten what I have gone (and will continue to go) through.

Maybe it is worth saying something to your close friends. If you are keeping a brave face on things, they may think things are hunky dory - when infact it feels like you are dieing inside.

Some people find it helps to keep a dairy written daily to their lost ones, because that is part of the loneliness.
WhenI lost someone special I used to write them letters, which I still have.

Sorry about my name I have name changed for something else and forgot!

Hi Iliketomoveit, I too am very sorry to hear about your son. If you dont mind me asking how old was he?

You are very lucky to have such good friends I know it must be very hard for my friends but I do feel let down. I felt so bad last week, I felt unable to carry on and I spoke to a few friends (on the phone) about this but I didnt even get a phone call or visit any time after.

If you dont mind me asking is your DH helpful?

Thats a nice idea and dont worry your name!

My ds was 15 months old, so still a baby really.

Luckily dp and I have a great relationship which has helped both of us through this unimaginable time. So I really can't imagine how hard it is for you without the support from your husband or friends.

There really is no excuse from your friends about the way they have behaved

So sorry to hear this summersun, will be thinking of you and your children this Christmas

summersun I really can't think of what to say to you because I can't begin to imagine what you've been through but you should know that MN is a wonderfully supportive place and there's always someone around for a chat no matter what time of day or night. It's a great source of help so don't be alone, come on here and talk to people whenever you need to, I'm sure it will help.

It is hard, you and your dp are very blessed to have each other and friends to help you, cherish them

Thank you for your messages Wisteria and Chubby, I am very gratful for this site and the chace to share with others

So, so sorry summersun. The compassionate friends are really helpful and supportive. www.tcf.org.uk. They have local support groups and meetings and a really good website with a forum and chatroom, and they have an organisation for siblings too. They will help you fins a local person who can visit you and take along to a meeting if you wish.

Thank you 3littlefestivefrogs I will have a little luck at the site x

Really sorry about your friends, Summersun, especially as your DH bottled out, too. Not fair, not fair at all.

I suspect that friends don't mean to be so crap, and don't realise that 'we'll be around if you need us' in a vague sort of way is not the most helpful way to be. They need to be actively offering you suport and coming to you, not waiting for you to phone. But grief is the thing that people find hardest, i think - they don't know what to say - wwhat is there to say? But they could come round and watch a DVD with you! Christmas is really a hard time, I think, if things in your life are not geared to it all.

Your 9 year-old sounds very brave.

Yes Christmas will be very hard this year, I had all my girls together last year for Christmas (my daughter was in hospital for most of her 11 months) but we got her home for Christmas last year. I am going to have to be strong for the other two girls, but I just know its going to be a dreadful time and when the girls go to bed and Im on my own. I will just have to get drunk, my evening friend is a bottle of wine these days.

But you are right my 9 year old is such a wonderful little girl.

Adding my support for you

I have not been in your position and would not presume to know how you feel.

Please feel free to offload here,there will always be someone to talk to

Thank you BoysAreLikeReindeer

Is there anyone else who has spent so much time in hospital (i have with daughter). I feel its hard to get used to real life again, I have spent nearly every day in hospital over the last two years (during pregnancy aswell).

Oh, I am so so sorry. How terrible.

Please stay on MN.

Thank you Motherinferior, I will.

I'm sure someone who can relate to your experience about the hospital will be along.

How does it feel now? - I bet it is so hard adjusting to "real life" again, especially when everything is so different. I can't imagine what you must be going through.