My husband died suddenly today- I couldn’t save him

[Etotheipiplus1equals0]

My 48 year old husband died this morning. We don’t know why but it was probably a massive heart attack. I found him face down wedged between furniture and making grunting noises. I called 999 but it took me ages to get him out and on his back as he is big and I am small. I did cpr and the paramedics worked on him for over an hour but there was no response. My poor kids witnessed a lot of this (9 and 6). I am lost. I keep imagining if I’d just got him out quicker and started cpr sooner he might still be alive. How do I stop picturing his face as he died? I miss him so much and the kids are so young. I’m just not sure I can get through it

[Lougle]

You did everything right. You called the ambulance and you followed their instructions. Your husband would likely have died even in hospital. It's such an awful thing to be part of. I hope that memory fades, in time, and you remember all the good times.

[littlemisslozza]

So sorry to hear this. The chances of CPR working are very low, you really couldn't have done more. Take care.

[AnathemaPulsifer]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[BestOption]

(((((HUG))))))

I am SO SO sorry xx I'm shocked, I can't imagine how you or the kids are feeling. Poor little loves being there at the time.

You did incredibly well to call for help and do CPR Being a small woman, doing CPR on a large man is incredibly difficult.

My Dad died of a massive heart attack. He was out at the time, playing sport with friends, they did CPR until the ambulance arrived, they worked on him too.

The woman who did his autopsy was lovely and talked to me for ages, answering all my inane questions. She said to me, *your Dad had such a massive heart attack, even if he'd been laying in a bed in hospital, it's extremely unlikely that they would have saved him and that gave me some peace and I told the friends who had helped him because I never wanted them to wonder if they could have done more/better.

The way your DH went down I wouldn't be at all surprised if your DH wasn't the same.

You will carry on minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day because you have your children who need you and because it's what he'd want.

Lean on anyone offering support, let them know what you need (or don't need!)

One minute at a time, it's as far ahead as you need to think right now

Lots of love, strength & hugs
Xx

[Bopahula]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Lean on family as much as you can. And take each minute at a time.

I echo what others have said. You couldn't have done anymore.
A guy I worked with walked into work with three colleagues. He collapsed in front of them. Two were trained first aiders and they started CPR immediately, one fetched a defib. Our security are trained in first aid too and an ambulance arrived within 7 minutes. They too couldn't revive him. There was nothing anyone could have done.
You did everything you could. Sending hugs to you all.

[Callingallskeletons]

Oh OP I’m so incredibly sorry 💔

[HornedBeefCash]

I'm so so sorry
Hold each other tight.
You did everything you possibly could have
CPR is not the same in RL as it is on TV.
The statistics for bringing someone round are unfortunately, incredibly low.

[HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee]

I’m so sorry,unfortunately most people don’t make it after a massive heart attack in community. I understand how mentally & physically exhausting the CPR must have been for you

Take any help you’re offered and hug the kids
It incrementally get better

[ArabellaScott]

I'm so very sorry, OP. Have you family or friends with you right now?

[hockeysticks89]

I'm so, so sorry. You did everything you could. Much love to you and your lovely children xxxx

[happytoday73]

Oh that's just terrible. I'm so sorry.
Please take comfort in the fact you tried, paramedics tried... And it wasn't enough.. So you did all you could.

So glad you have people with you. Pressume your children are both at the same school? Once you let them know they may be able to access/Point you towards some help for them.

I'm thinking of you and wishing you strength

[saraclara]

How traumatic for you. I'm so sorry. But realistically there's nothing you could have done. The chances of anyone surviving this kind of heart attack is minimal. The paramedics will always try, but the success rate is very very low. You did everything you could.

At some point see if one of the organisations for the bereaved/bereaved children can get counselling for you and the children. Hugs to you all.

[Multicover]

I am so sorry.
You did your very, very best.
Do you have anyone with you?

[ExtraordinaryQuince]

I'm so sorry. What an awful, awful shock.

[Weirdlynormal]

OP have you got financials in place? Did you DH work?

[Winterwaves]

Oh OP, it is unimaginable the shock and grief you must be experiencing. How someone so important and constant to you can suddenly be gone, it can't make any sense. Be very gentle with yourself, take all the support you need, sending you so much love and strength. You have a community here to help support you and listen xxx

[JustDanceAddict]

So sorry.
My dad died like this at 57 (i was16). I was away and my mum tried to get a doctor neighbour to help but I think there was no chance.

[MrsPerfect12]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Xx

[itsgettingwierd]

I'm very sorry to you and your children. How utterly painful that must have been.

But I back up a poster up thread. I'm a first aided and one of the things we are fundamentally taught is CPR rarely 'brings someone back'. It's just a first aid technique for when paramedics arrive. If someone's had a huge heart attack the stats of survival are low.

Please remember your DH knows you did everything you could. And you need to know you did too and hopefully in time the guilt will ease.

Take care

[Notapheasantplucker]

I'm so sorry for your loss, how heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you and your children, this must be so hard.

[mommybear1]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[Tierrasfuente]

I am so sorry for your loss OP. I am so sad to read this. It sounds like your husband was a wonderful person and you must be in terrible shock. Take care of yourself.

[bearlyactive]

I'm so sorry OP

[confusednortherner]

I'm so sorry for your loss, you did everything possible for him. Please contact your children's school if you feel your children need support, even if they are at home they should be able to organise counselling quickly and Winstons Wish are excellent too. Look after yourself, take it just minute by minute.

[Camomila]

I'm so sorry for your loss xx