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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My husband died suddenly today- I couldn’t save him

386 replies

Etotheipiplus1equals0 · 24/02/2021 20:57

My 48 year old husband died this morning. We don’t know why but it was probably a massive heart attack. I found him face down wedged between furniture and making grunting noises. I called 999 but it took me ages to get him out and on his back as he is big and I am small. I did cpr and the paramedics worked on him for over an hour but there was no response. My poor kids witnessed a lot of this (9 and 6). I am lost. I keep imagining if I’d just got him out quicker and started cpr sooner he might still be alive. How do I stop picturing his face as he died? I miss him so much and the kids are so young. I’m just not sure I can get through it

OP posts:
ReadingIsFundamental · 24/02/2021 21:17

I’m so very sorry for your loss.

MrsOnions0 · 24/02/2021 21:19

I’m so so sorry OP

Sadly I have been the child in this exact situation and a similar age to your eldest. It’s over 20 years ago now but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Which in a weird old way is a comfort to me- that I haven’t forgotten

I’m time I would suggest you continue to laugh, joke and reminisce. This really helped me as a child and that it wasn’t a taboo subject that I didn’t want to raise in case it made my DM sad.

skeggycaggy · 24/02/2021 21:19

I’m so sorry, OP. Thinking of you and your children.

Freyaismyname · 24/02/2021 21:21

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

YouAintKingDingALing · 24/02/2021 21:21

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for you and your family. The shock and sadness that you are feeling is unimaginable. Please just take one hour at a time. Lean on those around you x

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 24/02/2021 21:21

I was left a widow in my 40s too, though I had a year's warning. DH had cancer. I got a lot of support from Cruse. They help children too. I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

Nsky · 24/02/2021 21:21

Very sorry for your loss, if he had lived, he prob would be disabled.
You did your best

MichelleScarn · 24/02/2021 21:22

I am so so sorry OP, please listen to all the posters saying its so unlikely you could have done anything different. Its probably far to early to give you any advice for the future as yet, but l hope your GP will be able to refer you on to the relevant support when you and your dc feel ready. Flowers

TheyIsMyFamily · 24/02/2021 21:22

I'm so sorry, OP. But please please please accept that this is not your fault!

Flowers
JustCallMeBrittany · 24/02/2021 21:22

@Etotheipiplus1equals0 I am so sorry for your loss.
You did absolutely everything you possibly could. You administered CPR and got timely help. Your children will be so proud of what you did in time to come, even if they do not understand what is going on right now.
May he rest in peace x

Mumof3girlsandaboy · 24/02/2021 21:23

I’m so sorry for your loss op x

Eyesofdisarray · 24/02/2021 21:23

So sorry for your loss, what a terrible shock for you.
You did all you could.
Flowers

TomDickAndHarrods · 24/02/2021 21:23

Oh, love, I am so sorry.

A dreadful terrifying shock.

Thinking of you tonight.

RedcurrantPuff · 24/02/2021 21:24

This is awful. I’m sorry Flowers

testingtesting321 · 24/02/2021 21:24

Oh OP I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers what a huge shock. It’s completely normal to have all of those thoughts and feelings but please know that you absolutely did your best.

Chattercino · 24/02/2021 21:25

Oh gosh, OP. I'm so sorry. It sounds like you did everything you could. Look after yourself xxxxxxxxxxx

harridan50 · 24/02/2021 21:25

You did all that you could and he will know that.
Hold your children tight and take care of yourself
God bless you all

GiraffeWithSwag · 24/02/2021 21:25

What a tragic event you have all experienced. You must feel lost, lonely and cut adrift from reality. Keep your family support near to you. There is no blame or guilt to carry, you tried very hard to do as much as you could to save the love of your life. My thoughts are with you, your children and wider family 💐❤️

OldPunk · 24/02/2021 21:26

So sorry. My thoughts are with you, your children and everyone who cared about him x

lydia2021 · 24/02/2021 21:26

Oh lovey. What a day for you and your kids. Its dreadful, and so much to comprehend. You did what you could, you could do no more than you did. It must be a comfort to his soul to know you were there for him. Take small steps forward, you kids need you. Bereavement is long and hard. When you feel ready in the future, help the kids do a memory box. Your post suggests he was a lovely man, bring those memories to the fore. Xx

DramaAlpaca · 24/02/2021 21:27

I'm so very sorry Flowers

DailyCandy · 24/02/2021 21:28

Such a terrible loss and a huge shock for you. I’m so sorry for you and your family.

HarrietLong · 24/02/2021 21:29

I am just so sorry. What a terrible way to lose your husband. You have received a lot of advice and support already, but I just wanted to add this: when I saw my Dad die, it didn't look very nice. I replayed it over and over for weeks afterwards and thought I would always think about it.

But your post has made me realise that the horror did fade, and I don't think of those moments now. I think of moments in his life before he became ill.

Obviously it will take time. When you're ready, Cruse provide bereavement counselling, which you may find helpful.

dillydallydollydaydream7 · 24/02/2021 21:29

I am so, so sorry for your loss Thanks

BonnyandPoppy · 24/02/2021 21:30

So sorry for your loss, please don’t blame yourself. I have been the child in this situation too and I have inherited my Dads heart condition that caused his sudden death as has my sister and nephew (and my cousin who also died aged 51). I was 13 when mine suddenly dropped dead in a carpark and he was 37. Please get your children checked out.