My husband died suddenly today- I couldn’t save him

[Etotheipiplus1equals0]

My 48 year old husband died this morning. We don’t know why but it was probably a massive heart attack. I found him face down wedged between furniture and making grunting noises. I called 999 but it took me ages to get him out and on his back as he is big and I am small. I did cpr and the paramedics worked on him for over an hour but there was no response. My poor kids witnessed a lot of this (9 and 6). I am lost. I keep imagining if I’d just got him out quicker and started cpr sooner he might still be alive. How do I stop picturing his face as he died? I miss him so much and the kids are so young. I’m just not sure I can get through it

💐

I’m so sorry for your loss. What an awful shock for you all.

I’m so very sorry to hear this, please don’t beat yourself up, you have had a huge shock, there is nothing you could of done to save him, it was his time to leave this life.Thinking of you and your family.

I'm so sorry OP. The shock must be horrendous. I wish that I could make this better for you. I recieved such love and support here when my DH died. I was also introduced to WAY Widowed and Young here, a wonderful peer to peer support for young widows. In time, when you are ready, do look them up. You are in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself, you did everything you could, as soon as you could do it. This is in no way your fault OP x

@SunbathingDragon

I am so so sorry. The odds of him surviving such a massive heart attack, especially outside of hospital, are very low. I hope you get reassuring confirmation of this from a doctor or pathologist to comfort you that you really couldn’t have saved him.

So sorry for your loss.

I agree with SunbathingDragon.

God how awful. I'm so sorry x

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

Oh op. If I could take the pain I would, how terrible for you. I am thinking of you and your children, I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss

Oh got the that's the saddest thing I've ever read on here. It's made me cry for you. I can't say anything of help other than tell you I'm so fucking sorry and would help you and your kids if I knew you IRL. Xxxxxx

I am so sorry for your loss. You are not at fault. You did everything you could.

Take the next few days as slow as you can , focus on one task to the next and I hope you have support available.

Thank you all. Logically I know you are right but I can’t stop it running through my head. My family are here and supporting us. Oh god I just miss him so much. He was a gentle giant who cared about us with every fibre of his being. How do we carry on without that? How do I parent all by myself? I just want him to hug me.

Don't be alone right now, OP. Do you have any adult family or friends who can just sit with you round the clock for the next few weeks?

Unpopular opinion but honestly drinking or medical marijuana just to numb a bit while time passes in the initial few days helped me a lot to cope with a trauma. It doesn't mean you'll become an alcoholic. But sometimes you just need a break from the intensity to get through the first few weeks.

I'm so, so sorry.

This is all so fresh and raw for you, your mind must be in overdrive, its all so overwhelming.
A close relative had a heart attack on a cardiac ward at a similar age to your husband and although they managed to revive him at the time he died a few months later. The ward staff told me they lose most of the patients in a similar situation and even with all their expertise and equipment they rarely manage to save someone so please don't be too hard on yourself.
It's so normal to be replaying and thinking 'what if' but I'm sure you couldn't have changed the outcome.
I wish I could make things easier for you but from my own experience I know that it's just about getting through each minute, each hour, each day and waiting for the shock to pass in the early days. Its just completely crap and I'm sorry.

So sorry for your loss

Oh how awful, I’m so sorry. It sounds like you did everything that anyone could have done. You must be reeling. I hope you and your children have people around you to support you.

I’ve hardly eaten. I can’t face alcohol. Neighbours brought round lasagne and my dad and sisters are here. I have support but I feel so alone.

I’m sorry OP

Please dont blame yourself. Even if this had happened to him in hospital with all the experts and equipment right there, he’d only have around a 10% chance of being saved.

Do you have someone with you tonight?

I’m so sorry OP

You’ll be able to do it, you don’t know how yet but you will. One day at a time, you will.

Sending you lots of hugs, you and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

I am so sorry for your loss 💐

I am so sorry for your loss. You really did everything you could. My thoughts are with you and your family 💐

You're in shock, OP. Nothing is going to feel right for a very long time.

Just take it literally moment by moment.

Thinking of you

I am so sorry that you are all going through this x

Please don't blame yourself. It sounds like it was a massive heart attack. My husband did successfully do cpr and used a defib on someone however he subsequently died in hospital a few hours later as the damage was just too much. You really couldn't have done anymore.

So sorry for your loss