My husband died suddenly today- I couldn’t save him

[Etotheipiplus1equals0]

My 48 year old husband died this morning. We don’t know why but it was probably a massive heart attack. I found him face down wedged between furniture and making grunting noises. I called 999 but it took me ages to get him out and on his back as he is big and I am small. I did cpr and the paramedics worked on him for over an hour but there was no response. My poor kids witnessed a lot of this (9 and 6). I am lost. I keep imagining if I’d just got him out quicker and started cpr sooner he might still be alive. How do I stop picturing his face as he died? I miss him so much and the kids are so young. I’m just not sure I can get through it

I'm so so sorry. My thoughts are with you all x

You are all very shocked, it is terrible for you all, I'm so sorry for you all. You can't fix it, but joining WAY would offer you some comfort.

It helped my kids to start a memory jar, they just wrote memories about their Dad on strips of paper and put them in the jar. When they were feeling very bad, we sat around the table and took one out and talked about it.

I’m so sorry @Etotheipiplus1equals0. Please know that there’s nothing that you could have done differently. It’s not your fault. Thinking of you.

Still thinking of you OP.
Thought about you on my drive into work this morning too.

One step at a time. One breath at a time. One moment at a time. I hope you start to feel even a tiny bit better / more hopeful soon. xxx

When my DP died I got an interim death certificate from the coroner I think. It is enough for the banks etc.
Ask if your local council have a 'tell us once' service, that way they inform all the relevant services for you.
I didn't get the full certificate until after the inquest, though he died from suicide so it may be different.
We are 3 years in and I remember those early days, I felt I couldn't breathe properly for a while and my appetite disappeared.
It will ease, I promise
I'm so sorry for you and your children xx

I am so sorry this happened to you - at the moment I think you need to be with others if you can (close family?) or talk to them. Longer term you can work on issues like forgetting what his face looked like when you found him, but this is way too soon to be able to work on that. Please be kind to and take care of yourself.

oh god I am so very sorry to hear that.... what a total nightmare

I'm Etotheipi little sister. I hope you don't mind that I've seen this Etotheipi, I won't go searching your history or anything! I was in two minds about posting. I'd just like to say what an amazing job you are doing. It's the worst time in the world right now but you are so strong and being such a great support to the kids. You will get through this. We all love you and the kids so much xxx

Hi lovely @seven201. No I don’t mind. I knew it was very ‘outing’. I am so grateful for the support we have had, that is what will get us through xx

seven201 and op

🌻 🌻

I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry for you and your children. My husband died of a massive heart attack almost 5 years ago now, so I can send love and empathy to you and recognise so many of the things you have written.
My DH had a witnessed arrest and even with several experience health care professionals could not be saved, so you should not blame yourself. As far as the PM and coroner go, we had provisional cause of death with 3 days of the PM and then a death certificate was issued and the coroner released the body to the undertaker.
When you feel ready you could look up WAY which is peer to peer support for those widowed under 50. I'm happy to answer anything you think might be useful.

Thank you. I’m sorry you have also been through this hell. I’ve heard from the coroner today and the PM should be on Monday or Tuesday. I hope we will get some answers and that will help in some small way.

I didn't want to read and run. Sending love

I am so deeply sorry. I know no words will even scratch the surface x

How are you doing OP? I hope the pm went ahead and you get the answers you need soon

I'm so sorry OP, sending you & your DC love & strength

I'm so sorry for your loss. If it helps, CPR only has a 4% success rate in real life. Portrayals of it on TV are very inaccurate.

Hi OP, hoping things are as good as they can be for you and your little ones

Etotheipi's sister here. Sadly the autopsy was inconclusive so we have an interim death certificate while waiting for results from samples sent off. That was a real blow but the funeral is now booked. The kids are going back to school on Monday which will hopefully be good for them.

I knew cpr had a low success rate but I didn't realise it was only 4%, that's shocking.

I'm so so sorry, please don't blame yourself. You absolutely did everything you could. I hope you have people around who can support you.

Hello @Etotheipiplus1equals0. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. My own lovely DH died in October from sudden cardiac death. I also found him and did CPR. It was incredibly traumatic and I have had flashbacks and so many feelings of guilt and "what ifs".

I'm a little further ahead than you in this journey so I can assure you that it does get easier, on a day to day basis. I function quite well now and even have some moments of joy and happiness, particularly from my daughter. The grief is just as intense but the waves are further apart and shorter, which makes them easier to bear. You are in the thick of it right now and it is so, so impossible. But I promise it gets easier.

Please do join WAY if you haven't already. I have found it incredibly helpful.

Please PM me at any time if I can help with anything. Sending you and your lovely children so much love.

Hi OP how are things for you? Have been thinking about you xx

Please let your children's school know what has happened and try and get some support for your kids if you think they would benefit.

Kind thoughts to you all xx

So very sorry for you and your family’s loss OP. Also to you Iceskating.
Sorry not RTFT but in case
sudden.org/ and www.suddencardiacarrestuk.org/bereavement/ offer online resources and links to phone or in person support which may be something that helps in time. But echoing others I would also recommend to contact your GP for support in the first early days.

I should have read before posting to everyone affected by cardiac loss.