Should we let our 6 year old see his dead granny?

[Thunderbolted]

Just that really.
We're taking him to the funeral but wondered whether to let him see the body the day before. Apparently she's nicely laid out. I know I found it helpful as an 11 year old to see a dead relative but I don't know if 6 is too young.
We're very open about death and what's happened so my inclination is to give him the option and let him choose. They weren't super close.
I know it's totally different but he saw our dog after he died and decorated the coffin and I think that helped him grieve.

I would but I'm not in the UK and im aware that tradition around death is very different. I've seen relatives bodies at that age and as an adult I've seen younger family members witness the same. If anything, they found it helpful to understand death. Death is such an abstract concept to them and I dont think children find a body as upsetting as we do. I know my nephew was playing beside my grandmother's coffin at the wake and chatting to her, in between asking question about death. We just normalised it and he wasnt afraid but definitely understood that she was gone and he wouldnt be able to see her again , I think he didn't quite got it until he saw her.

I would, but I’m Irish and we have wakes in the house with open coffins so it’s very normal to me, and has been from a very early age.

I think it's fine. My son was 6 when my dad died and he was lying in bed before the undertaker came and my son was desperate to see him. So my BIL took him in and showed him that Granda was at peace. Then when he came back home and the coffin was in the house he could hardly avoid seeing him. He used to sit next to him for a while and 'chat' to him. I think it really helped him with his grief.

If he wants to see her, I think he should be allowed to. I think this will reduce fear of the unknown. If he doesn't want to, equally, I would respect that.

In Ireland it is very common for children to see the body. I live in uk but my dc saw my deceased grandparents, as did all her cousins taking from 2-17. Nobody has been scarred. I'm not scarred from having seen countless dead bodies.

Personally no. I never went to see my parents and certainly won't be going to see anyone else.

Absolutely no way would i let mine do it.

I 100% would (and have an almost 6 year old).

But then I was about that age when I started seeing dead bodies as I'm from Ireland and its considered healthy here. I never remember being upset, more intrigued. And it fully draws a line under their death.

If they're prepared well that someone won't look the same, then it can be very freeing.

If he seems like he understands then I would let him decide. You need to judge your child whether it's likely to upset him or give closure. Personally I wouldn't go myself, I like to see my loved ones alive in my head rather than a memory of them laid out

I would, but I’m Irish and we have wakes in the house with open coffins so it’s very normal to me, and has been from a very early age.

Very much the same for me.

This was my upbringing & my kids' too, now. They've lost several close relatives in the past few years and it has really helped them in terms of closure & being part of the process around death & grief.

I would say it's entirely up to you & what feels right for your child. The fact that he is asking seems a good indication for me.

Even if he were to become upset, that's ok. You can comfort him & explain it's natural.

No. I saw my grandad when he died when I was 27, that’s still an image that I see and I don’t want to. I only went in because my grandma wanted to see him and I couldn’t let her go in by herself.

I get the wanting to say death is natural but how people look prepared for a funeral is not natural, in my opinion.

No. I was given a similar choice at a similar age and now it's one of the more prominent memories I have for that relative.
You can still normalise death without seeing the body.

I would.

What usually happens on the funeral/death threads is that's there's quite a noticeable cultural split. We're Catholic, of Irish heritage, and death and funerals are quite normal to me. We let kids experience them as a normal part of life ending. DD has been going to funerals since a baby and has seen plenty of bodies. Thankfully no one close to her has yet died but I would have let her come to the wake and see the body there if they had. There are various other cultures who also don't have a problem with it. But the English people tend to have more of an issue with children and funerals, and death in general.

My GM died when DS was 7 , he wanted to see the body my DM blocked it. He was very upset that he couldn't, I was he had been allowed. He still talks about it age 16.

Think I would say yes.
When I was young I was prevented from going to funerals and having anything to do with death and i think it impacted me negatively.

I'm of the death is natural camp too.

If he wants to, I would let him. Often what children imagine is far worse than reality.

I was 37 when my Dad died and went to see him. I hated it - and I am not a drama llama sensitive type normally.

I really really wouldn't!

This is very normal in NI and ROI. I have seen several dead relatives (both before and after being put in the caskets). First one was when I was almost 7. I personally think it’s very normal, natural part of the grieving/life/death process. I think it’s a good thing to expose children to and I will do it with mine.

Absolutely not, not appropriate at all.

I wouldn't. I've only seen my grandma and my elderly DMIL when they'd died but they didn't look the same and that might be unsettling. However, if he was very keen to, then I would say yes. Just that ime, they don't look like they're asleep exactly. And I'm sorry for your loss

I'n another one who feels it's too young. Some of my grandparents died when I was around 10 or 11 and my mum left it up to me if I wanted to go to the funerals. I really didn't want to go and it wasn't a big deal, I just went to a friend's house for the day instead. I was really glad that I could choose myself and didn't feel like I had to go, but I guess it's different if your son is expressing an interest. I never actually saw a dead body until I was in my 30's and found it quite a difficult experience, I find it hard to know how a child would process it.

Sorry, just to add - I think how you react to it is important - the first time it happened my parents explained what it would be like and asked if I wanted to see the body. There was no dramatics or pressure.

It's a very cultural thing.
In most parts of the UK we have an intense fear of death and everything that surrounds it. Even to the point of shunning old age and the elderly although I think it's due to fear of our own mortality rather than an actual disrespect for the aged. People who have had fearful reactions to seeing bodies are probably from that sort of culture??
Does that mean we should continue to hide death away?
In places where children see death from a young age regularly they probably grow up with a more pragmatic approach to life and death.

If he has asked to see her then I would let him, but prepare him for the fact that she will look different, it's just her body (whatever his beliefs or understanding of a soul) and that he might find it upsetting and that's ok, he doesn't have to stay etc

Totally normal in Ireland - though I suppose it depends on your 6 year old, they might be nervy. I remember holding my dead grandad's hand to say goodbye at a similar age. It meant a lot to me then, still does.

We do many things wrong in Ireland but I can't fault the funeral culture.

I can't believe you're even asking. A child of six is no way mature enough for dead bodies and funerals.